Am I Really Unhappy — A Lesson in Happiness

Attitude, they say, makes a difference!

There was a hole in my life I stuck with, and it greatly affected my attitude. Some of the blame landed on my parents, while I redirected the lack of my sympathy and gloominess to my upbringing.

“They were always arguing, continually throwing tantrums, and defending arguments with a raised, nigh-deafening pitch,” I’d rasp. Perhaps life made me this way and carefully curated me to a questioning of my existence.

If it were not my childhood throwing jabs of regret at me, it would be my circumstances. Wild questions would fly in cacophonies snarling in my brain: “Why am I struggling to earn a decent living? If only my father were Jeff Bezos, I’d be hundred-fold happier than I am; or am I somehow related to him? Why aren’t people interested in talking to me? I cold-pitched different publications, and I still don’t have a single reply?!”

It was hard wrestling all of my negative thoughts by trying to stay positive. The effect, however, was a harassed young man who abused himself emotionally. The realization was complete, and the conclusion proved instantaneous:

Life dealt me differently. I am unhappy.

A Striking Moment

“Happiness is a big word, and there is no handing it to you. You merely seek it.” An acquaintance told me halfway through our conversation — a random discussion that proved effective.

Many times I’d seclude myself to a rat hole to drown — drown myself to worries. But those words, as mentioned above, struck something profound inside me.

We are all, including me, tricked into the paradox of happiness — that somehow without the right circumstances and environment, we’d be brought to this world handicapped. While that is reasonable, our happiness is defined by the right attitude — attitude, they say, makes a difference!

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” — Milton Berle

Happiness is truly unlocked with opportunities; on the other hand, opportunities are everywhere, waiting for you to latch at them. I was taught by experience — that the big things in life don’t matter any more than the little ones. My point? It isn’t hard to compliment someone for their looks, or perhaps send a bouquet to a loved one; try to be an opportunist on every respect.

Build a door of opportunity and, hence, lift your head, see! the marvel of happiness laid out in the universe like a tent cloth.

Attitude, They Say, Makes A Difference

You’d think giving makes you happy; however, giving without the right heart condition or attitude serves no purpose, and the same goes for taking and having possessions. Nothing truly makes us happy; our happiness is defined by the attitude we put into something — or you’d say approach.

Take a life mantra: when you help someone, don’t expect anything in return, and when others help you, appreciate them by reciprocating as a way of showing love. Build love. Beautify it. Invite others to it.

I have seen many years under the sun; some, I have seen, are littered with the debasing lies society has instilled in us — that money and fame is the game of happiness. It is yet another elusive game of gratification that sucks the life out of gratitude. Don’t fall for this empty gratification!

“It is good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good too, to check up once in a while and make sure you haven’t lost the things money can’t buy.” — George Horace Lorimer

Sadly, we live a life centered on money — centered on the need to move by instinct, the instinct of the society.

Jerry, a long-lost friend, recalled a painful yet powerful lesson to me. Jerry grew up in the slums hustling the bustles of the city for a single meal. He then saved enough money to attend university. “Boy, I have seen matriculation days as students celebrate a new chapter in their lives, and fears are zeroed; they’d get a high-paying job if things were done right. I have also seen convocation days where there’s a greater fear, anxieties plummet, and a scary new world awaits, the certificate is questionable, “ Jerry relates. “I was the latter.”

Jerry got a job, but he wasn’t happy. Jerry sauntered to marry, perhaps he’d find solace in a bond of love, but the pressures of work and the responsibilities of a family had robbed him of his joy. Jerry grew older each day, lamenting his anxieties. I met Jerry later in life during his eighties. I asked him if he were happy now, but his words revealed the sadness in this older man’s life: “I reflect every day on how I could be better. How I could have had the right attitude. How I would have been a better husband — a better father. My old age is filled with regrets and sorrow. Those anxieties never existed; I created them. Happiness only exists in the grave; it is where my solace lies.”

“When I was five years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” — John Lennon

Combat Your Inner Demons

We’d get a daily dose of sad reports that taunt us: wars, famine, earthquakes, diseases, etc. These reports have warped our minds to a delusive nightmare that happiness doesn’t exist in the world. Not only that, but the world we live in is also filled with pessimism, fear, betrayal, anger, and lust.

The world has properly used entertainment to achieve its passive acts. The effect? It numbs our mind, weakens our conscience, and caters to animalistic desires.

According to Suicide Awareness Voices of Education, the lives of 38,000 Americans are taken each year due to suicide, one of the leading causes of death in the United States. Our mind should be a treasure; we need to safeguard it. How? By planting positive thoughts now.

An excerpt from welldoing.org puts it this way, “A positive mindset means that you have a positive expectation . . . Making positive changes in your diet and lifestyle in turn increases your vibrancy, energy, and positivity.

From the above excerpt, a positive mindset can change your energy and positivity. Nevertheless, having positive thoughts doesn’t necessarily eliminate all your negative thoughts. It doesn’t. Positive feelings only help combat your demons.

Think of it this way: your mind is like an album stacked full of photos. These photos represent your thoughts. You have a fair share of photos to contribute to the stack, but you can’t stop other contributors too. However, you have the ultimate authority to allow what will be featured at the top of the stack. Will you bury the negative photos underneath, or play dumb and enable other contributors to overrun your album-stack?

Take another life mantra: when you have ten negative thoughts, overwhelm it with ten wholesome, positive thoughts. Combat it with a hundred-fold positivity.

It isn’t always easy to be positive and more of the reason why you need to analyze your priorities. What is causing the negative thoughts? Is my choice of entertainment affecting and warping my idea of what I find acceptable? Instead of feeding your mind with unwholesome entertainment or toxic friends, why not do the opposite.

Take a book that makes you happy and read it. Fill yourself with positive people. Make good friends that excite you. Adopt a healthy lifestyle. And see here, my friend, stay in your bailiwick. The point? Combat your inner demons; make them your allergy. That way, you can win and answer the seemingly common question of who controls your mind: society, or you.

‘The way to happiness: Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Scatter sunshine, forget self, think of others. Try this for a week and you will be surprised.”

— Norman Vincent Peale.

To Sum Up

To conclude this, allow me, please, to say that you aren’t unhappy; you are simply discontent. Now it’s your job to find the root of your discontentment and take the proactive steps to fight it. Hence, if there are any lessons I want you to glean from this, it is;

• Look for great opportunities to assist people. Sow the seeds of kindness in your heart and watch how the universe repays you.
• Maintain the right kind of attitude in everything you do. The universe is an examiner of hearts.
• Don’t buy into the lies that money will bring you ultimate happiness. It only brings more responsibilities and more stress. Make money, but don’t think it will save you from negative thoughts or problems.
• Your happiness is not external. Your happiness doesn’t depend on your circumstances. It depends on you. Don’t be like “old me” and Jerry.
• Just like you are allergic to some foods, be allergic to negative thoughts. Don’t take in toxic thoughts and expect something good to come out of it. Be the curator of your mind; it belongs to you!