Am I Pansexual? Let’s Google It.

Today’s the day! I awoke to my first ever designation as Top Writer here on Medium. The topic? LGBTQ. Wanna see?

Being picked was super fun. Most of all, I was excited for the category.

Why, yes, I am LGBTQ++++++.

Also, I write about it.

Thing is though, picking a label has always been complicated.

I’m great with gay, queer, gender fluid…or simply swimming in the ever-expanding LGBTQ alphabet.

I’m not straight (even when with a straight, cis male partner) and never will be.

Yet…I struggle with being boxed, as I wrote about here:

Look, I get that boxes are helpful for many. For me, they always seem too, well, boxed in.

When it comes to sexuality, gender, and most other things, I’ve come to terms with the fact that my identity and I are amorphous and awkward to wrap. (But, hey, wrapping’s for other people anyway.)

I’m 46 and have been having this conversation with others since coming out in my early 20s…and with myself since childhood.

But…times they are a changing…and I usually feel a step or three behind societal shifts related to gender, sexuality, and identity.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that such changes are happening! I just don’t conflate them with my inner experience of self, gender, sexuality, or anything else.

Still, sometimes I’ll hear something that hits home and feels true.

Choosing she/they pronouns was like that.

So was, last night, a conversation with my (straight) partner about pansexuality.

As I said, I know I’m not up to speed. But the word came up in conversation and we were like, “What is pansexual anyway?”

Then, I was like, “Wait — am I pansexual?”

Then, given the more recent state of things, I was like, “Wait — am I asexual pansexual? With a hyper-sexual past???”

Then, he was like, “Well, maybe you’re a sometimes asexual pansexual.”

I concurred: “Yes. An intermittently asexual pansexual with a hyper-sexual past.”

“And a potentially hyper-sexual future,” he added.

As all serious middle-aged researchers are want to do at 11pm, one hour past bedtime, we Googled it.

Here’s the first thing that came up. (Please note, I in no way endorse getting your sex, gender, and LGBTQIA++ ed via Google or Wikipedia.)

“Pansexuality is sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity. Pansexual people may refer to themselves as gender-blind, asserting that gender and sex are not determining factors in their romantic or sexual attraction to others.” (Wikipedia)

Okay. I mean, I’d previously claimed “bisexual” felt true enough for me. But, turns out, “pansexual” is infinitely more accurate. At least the first part.

I am attracted (sexually, romantically, emotionally) to people who span the sex and gender spectrum. In fact, I gravitate towards folks who aren’t solidly boxed in those ways, one way or the other.

I diverge from the second bit though. I’m not “gender-blind.” I also wouldn’t say that “gender and sex are not determining factors” in whether I’m sexually or romantically attracted to someone. They aren’t THE factor, but yes, they are a factor.

What does this mean?

Who am I?

What is time?

Okay, I’ll reel it in.

For today at least, I’ll claim my seat:

I’m a Medium Top Writer in the topic of LGBTQ.

Also: I’m a gay, queer, gender fluid, intermittently asexual pansexual with a hyper-sexual past and potentially hyper-sexual future.

As labels go, that’s a good one.

As boxes go, I’ll take it.

Thank you for reading. I’m a doctor of Chinese Medicine and write about sobriety and soulful living. Find all my links here: