MID-LIFE CRISIS | PSYCHOLOGY

Am I Living Through a Mid-Life Crisis?

And is it a bad thing or a good thing?

I remember when I was a child and a friend of my parents, who was likely in his late 40s to early 50s, left his wife and kids and took off to a cabin in the woods. It was a shock to everyone involved, and while I don’t remember the details of exactly what happened when I asked my mom why he did it, she whispered,

“He must be having a mid-life crisis.”

She said it in such a shameful way that I figured that it was likely the worst thing a person could ever do.

However, in 2017, when I was at the age of 40, I made a similarly large decision. I convinced my partner (after only 10 minutes) that we should sell all of our possessions to head out into the world to travel full-time. In nine short months, we sold our house, our vehicles, and 99.9% of our things. We didn’t want to be tied down to any one place or feel beholden to possessions in any way.

Did I have a mid-life crisis?

Saving myself from drowning

We were both tired of running around on the hamster wheel. Always running faster and faster, yet having a harder time keeping up. It seemed that no matter what we did, the bills kept piling up, the money kept running out, and we were constantly dipping into debt to stay afloat.

We also never seemed to have the proper resources to travel as much as we wanted, and something was always in our way, one way or the other.

It was while I was watching the Minimalism documentary that I had my epiphany. As I looked around the room I was sitting in, I suddenly took stock of all the possessions that surrounded me and realized that they weren’t really that important. And they certainly weren’t important once I realized that all of them were in the way of our traveling.

I thought, ‘If we sold it all, we won’t have anything that will keep us in one place, and we will be free to just head out into the world to see what we are made of.’

The decision felt like more of a lifesaving decision, than one made on a whim or off the cuff. I felt like I was drowning and gasping for air. It felt like it was now or never.

There is no doubt that I was fed up with society and its rules. I was sick of living within the bounds of the status quo. I felt like I was accomplishing nothing in life, and felt more like a robot than a human being.

I hadn’t done any major (I call multiple months at a time ‘major’) traveling in over a decade and I yearned to see more of the world. It was obvious that owning a house and trying to be part of the societal structure that I was in was not working for me.

I had always felt like I wanted to do something important with my life, and I felt that if I set myself free, I would find a way to make an impact on the world. Getting out of the small town I lived in surely would open up more opportunities for me.

And there is no doubt that it has. I have accomplished so much on a personal level in these past 5 years, I have felt more fulfilled and happy than in any of the years before, and I finally feel like I am making a greater impact on the world.

Yet, here I am, continuously wondering if I am, in fact, still living through a mid-life crisis?

Admitting it to myself

A few weeks ago I read Vanessa Brown’s article My Brilliant Midlife Crisis, Followed By My Delusional One. It was sort of the push I needed to write this article, as I had been considering doing it anyways.

I commented on her post:

So here we are.

Maybe it’s now time to admit that I am indeed living through a mid-life crisis. It’s been hard to accept and admit and I think it is because there is such a negative connotation that goes along with it. I’m sure that memory of my mom’s shameful response to their friend's actions has made me feel like a mid-life crisis is some sort of terrible thing that nobody should ever admit to.

However, after doing a little bit of research, and learning the definition of a mid-life crisis, I’m feeling a bit better about it.

Wikipedia says:

A midlife crisis is a transition of identity and self-confidence that can occur in middle-aged individuals, typically 40 to 60 years old. The phenomenon is described as a psychological crisis brought about by events that highlight a person’s growing age, inevitable mortality, and possibly lack of accomplishments in life. This may produce feelings of intense depression, remorse, and high levels of anxiety, or the desire to achieve youthfulness or make drastic changes to their current lifestyle or feel the wish to change past decisions and events.

So let’s pick this apart a bit.

When I read the above definition, the parts that ring true for me are:

• The transition of identity — For much of my 20s and 30s, I had mostly been living my life for others, and after getting divorced at the age of 36, I vowed to start living my life for myself. By the time I was 40, I was really starting to feel more like myself and was determined to continue to live a life that served me and made me happy. I was determined to really dig in to find what it is that makes me tick.
• Self-confidence — Of course, as I started to discover my identity again, I started to gain confidence in who I am and how I wanted to be perceived in the world. I was tired of trying to be small to suit others, and I felt like it was time to really come out from under my shell to show everyone what I was made of.

• Lack of accomplishments — In my explanation of how I was feeling above, you can see that this rings true for me. I did feel like I wasn’t living a life that was making any sort of impact on the world, and I knew not only that I wanted to, but that I had the ability to.
• Make drastic changes to their current lifestyle — Clearly, this is something that I did. Not much explanation is needed.

A couple of points that certainly don’t relate to me and my situation:

• Feelings of remorse — Even though I have occasionally suspected that I haven’t been living my best life, I have never really had remorse or wanted to go back and change past decisions. I truly feel that all decisions in life are leading us exactly to where we are meant to be.
• Feelings of depression — Thankfully I didn’t suffer from any major depression, but there was something there. I guess if I was to name it, I would call it discontent.
• Inevitable Mortality — This does not apply to me at all since when I turned 40 I couldn’t have been more excited. I don’t know why, but suddenly I felt like I was more youthful than I had felt in years, and I was ready to get this party started. When you hear the term, “Life begins at 40,” I swear it was written for me. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a whole life to live out in front of me, and I was super excited about the future. However, I also did feel like I didn’t have any more moments to waste and I wanted to make the best of the years that were left.

Fighting to hang on

To keep my mind and heart occupied and to ward off the discontent, I dabbled in many different things and tried a few different careers. As an entrepreneur, I was constantly recreating my life while trying to find that happy place.

A friend and I owned an art gallery/studio for 4 years, and I used art as my emotional outlet. When I was creative, I found solitude, and a feeling of peace and calm wash over me. I knew that being an artist was good for my mental health, however, trying to make it as a full-time artist (at least in Canada) is challenging, as most know. So I ended up giving up on that and turned back to house painting which was something that I mostly enjoyed, and made me decent money. At that time, my art took a back seat to my ‘real job.’

Now that I have spent the past 5 years mostly making a living online as an artist, I can see that I likely could have made it happen back then, but I didn’t have the knowledge I have now about how to navigate the online world. It took me pulling the plug on everything, cutting all of my expenses back, and not having to worry about the neverending onslaught of bills, before I had the time and space to learn about it all. I simply did not have the mental capacity to learn what I needed to when I was always just trying to make ends meet.

Is a mid-life crisis a good thing?

After really deep diving into this and taking the time to analyze just what a mid-life crisis is, I have come to the following conclusion. Mid-life is a time for us to take stock of our lives and to make decisions moving forward that will allow us to feel fulfilled and happy. I mean, any time in life is a good time to do that, but I think we have a different mindset when we get to mid-life.

It is in mid-life that we find a greater sense of self, where we really understand who we are and what we are made of, and it is a moment where we start to live for ourselves and not worry so much about what others think.

Whether it be a feeling that we are going to start running out of years, a knowing that we have not lived our life to the best of our ability, or a feeling of discontent, these are all great reasons to make changes moving forward.

The website verywellmind.com tells us the positive news about having a mid-life crisis:

A 2016 study published in the International Journal of Behavioral Development found an upside to the midlife crisis — curiosity. Researchers found that people who were experiencing a crisis — whether it was a quarter-life or a midlife crisis — experienced enhanced curiosity about themselves and the wider world around them.

The distress and uncertainty participants experienced brought about openness to new ideas, which could bring insight and creative solutions. That curiosity could lead to new breakthroughs or new opportunities, which might be the silver lining in the midst of a crisis.

I can certainly attest to finding new breakthroughs and discovering new opportunities in these past five years. I could never have predicted how this life would play out, but the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks, and I don’t regret my decision one bit.

My conclusions

While this topic is diverse and each person's situation is different, I can only speak for myself here.

I can’t even begin to explain how powerful my decision has been for my life. Through all the trials and tribulations that I have put myself through over the past 5 years, for the first time in my adult life, I feel truly happy and content.

Can that be defined as a crisis? I’ll let you decide.

But if it is, and I am living through a crisis, I have to say that it’s a pretty great crisis indeed!

If you like my writing and want to read more, subscribe to Medium through my referral link (I will earn a small commission) to get full access! Plus sign up here to get my articles by email!

We have been nomadic since 2017! Join our journey by hitting the links below!

Website | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn| Patreon| YouTube | Medium