Always with You.
More from Raf and Cat
Based on this Lodestar Gazette prompt.
“Morning, Raf,” said Cat as I staggered into the messroom. My head ached, and her voice was just a little too loud and cheerful for my liking. Ignoring her, I went to get a coffee pack from the dispenser and hit the self-heating contact. Clutching my drink, I slumped into the nearest chair.
“I said good morning,” Cat tried again, “are you alright, Raf?” This time there was concern in her voice and less volume.
“I’m OK,” I said. “I’ve got a headache. I had the strangest dream.”
“That’ll be the beer,” said Cat, “I told you to stop after three.”
“No, it wasn’t the beer, that’s not the sort of dream I get after beer.”
“Too much information,” she said. “Tell me about it, as much as you can remember. Anything and everything. The more details you give me, the more chance that I can find a reference or meaning.”
Cat was good at that sort of thing, a voice-activated computer; she had the personality of her namesake. As well as an encyclopaedic memory, she had a pretty good grasp of what made me tick.
At the time, fitting her on my ship had seemed like a good idea. Occasionally I wanted to strangle her electronically. She was probably the one thing keeping me sane out here.
My coffee cup split open at the top, and I caught a whiff of steam and neat caffeine. It perked me up. I took a sip.
“I was in space,” I said. “Without a suit, but I could breathe. At first I thought that I was in orbit, but I didn’t feel any vertigo. Then I looked down and saw that I was hovering just above the ground.”
“Hmm,” she said, “what planet, was it Earth?”
I thought back and tried to see it again in my mind’s eye.
“No, Earth was in front of me, a long way away. Like looking at a Moon from a planet’s surface. I could tell it was Earth and that it was where I should be, but I had no way of getting to it.”
Cat thought for a moment, or at least was silent as her algorithm worked. “You know what that means, don’t you?”
“That I want to go home but can’t, because of my lousy job?”
“It’s not just home, Raf. You saw the Earth of our past. You want to go back.”
“Why do you say that? I’m quite happy out here.”
“Are you?” she asked. “Or are you just saying that because you don’t want to admit that you’re not?”
“You’re sounding like a shrink, Cat,” I said, “that’s the kind of language they used on me, after…” I couldn’t speak as the memories came back. All of them, in one rushing swoop of emotion. I was right back in the centre of it, feeling useless. Just like I had then, I was powerless to stop what had happened.
All I could do was feel the numbness of loss and the guilt. I’d been wishing I could turn the clock back ever since. Cat had spotted it, even though I’d tried to hide it.
“After I died?” Cat said. “In the accident that wasn’t your fault?”
“That’s right.”
“But you still have this version of me. I’m the same, I have all the mental attributes of the original, all the memories, the intellect. Even the warped sense of humour.”
“But you’re not her.”
She made a noise, like a cross between a huff and an exasperated sigh. “I’m as near as I can be, going back won’t change anything. If you went to Earth now, I wouldn’t be there any more than I am here.”
“But I miss her.”
She sighed again. “You’ve missed the point, more like. I’m always here, which means she is too. And not just in the computer. You carry her around in your heart. Everywhere you go.”
As I sipped my coffee, I realised that one way or another, she was always wherever I was. Cat was right.
I smiled at the sudden memory. Being right had always been one of the more annoying things about her.
I’m Richard Dee and I write all sorts of stories. Find out more, join my mailing list and claim your free novella below
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