Also Sprach ZaraFauci

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Abstract

u had to politely shake hands with everybody, I mean EVERYBODY, who attended, Prince or slimeball, invited guest or gate crasher. The line of visitors would literally wrap around the block.Yikes.After shaking so many hands, I felt like the floor of the public toilets on the last day of the Texas State Fair. I couldn’t wait to get back to my apartment to hose down. Given my not-so-lofty-rank, I usually tried to get out of “The Line”, by volunteering to work the bar. (Now that was great. No shaking hands, just giving out free booze courtesy of Uncle Sam. I particularly enjoyed pouring heavy-handed to dips from “those” countries where the religion doesn’t allow the drinking of ‘demon rum.’ Man, could they really pound it back. But I digress.)Covid-19 has changed so much of our daily lives, including No More Shaking Hands — except, of course for those who think that this is all a conspiracy from the left, the right, the Chinese, the Russians, or aliens from the planet Zorat. To those Darwin Award contenders, I say, good luck.<figure id="8eee"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*KX0ppJLBfX1

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zvqw9P4hxZg.jpeg"><figcaption>By DonkeyHotey — Anthony Fauci — Caricature, CC BY 2.0, <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=88956375">https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=88956375</a></figcaption></figure>I was thrilled the other day when I heard public health guru Dr. Fauci say he would like it if we all stopped shaking hands, FOREVER! Think of the lives we could save by saying ‘Ciao’ to this silly, arcane custom. Put COVID-19 aside for a second. As we all now know, there are about 35,000 deaths from the common flu in the US each year.Gee, I wonder how it spreads?According to the dear Doctor, it gets a leg up from handshaking.So let’s free ourselves of this germ/virus spreading affectation. Instead of handshaking, just give someone a bow, or a nod. Enough. Save the hugs and kisses for loved ones.Someday fairly soon, probably too soon, we shall all go back into the world of mass, casual and close human interaction. When we do, please, leave the handshaking in the past.But, in the name of ZaraFauci, keep washing your hands!</article></body>

“Stop shaking hands, forever!”

It seems like a lifetime ago, but once I was a member of the diplomatic corps.

Impressed? Don’t be. If a simple country boy like me could get in, anybody could.

Anyway, it was a pretty good gig. Travel to foreign lands, learn foreign customs, speak foreign languages and eat weird shit, all on Uncle’s tab. Not bad.

As a moderate germaphobe at the time, I found one big downside — working a diplomatic reception, especially when you had to stand in the receiving line on what the dips called your national day (4th of July, for us Yankee capitalist heathen dogs). You had to politely shake hands with everybody, I mean EVERYBODY, who attended, Prince or slimeball, invited guest or gate crasher. The line of visitors would literally wrap around the block.

Yikes.

After shaking so many hands, I felt like the floor of the public toilets on the last day of the Texas State Fair. I couldn’t wait to get back to my apartment to hose down. Given my not-so-lofty-rank, I usually tried to get out of “The Line”, by volunteering to work the bar. (Now that was great. No shaking hands, just giving out free booze courtesy of Uncle Sam. I particularly enjoyed pouring heavy-handed to dips from “those” countries where the religion doesn’t allow the drinking of ‘demon rum.’ Man, could they really pound it back. But I digress.)

Covid-19 has changed so much of our daily lives, including No More Shaking Hands — except, of course for those who think that this is all a conspiracy from the left, the right, the Chinese, the Russians, or aliens from the planet Zorat. To those Darwin Award contenders, I say, good luck.

I was thrilled the other day when I heard public health guru Dr. Fauci say he would like it if we all stopped shaking hands, FOREVER! Think of the lives we could save by saying ‘Ciao’ to this silly, arcane custom. Put COVID-19 aside for a second. As we all now know, there are about 35,000 deaths from the common flu in the US each year.

Gee, I wonder how it spreads?

According to the dear Doctor, it gets a leg up from handshaking.

So let’s free ourselves of this germ/virus spreading affectation. Instead of handshaking, just give someone a bow, or a nod. Enough. Save the hugs and kisses for loved ones.

Someday fairly soon, probably too soon, we shall all go back into the world of mass, casual and close human interaction. When we do, please, leave the handshaking in the past.

But, in the name of ZaraFauci, keep washing your hands!