Alpha vs. Beta Males: Which Personality Is Most Attractive, According to 100.000 Women?
Two studies say it’s not as straightforward as you’d think
Alpha males probably think they already know the answer to this question: it’s them! That’s what women want!
Take a seat, guys. The situation is more complex than you imagine.
Beta males, on the other hand, are probably imagining it’s not them, but since they’ve been beta so long, they have no intention of giving that up.
Have a seat next to the alphas, guys. This is not what you think.
But before we proceed any further, I want to make sure that we all understand that the human society of today doesn’t actually have alphas or betas per se. These are indeed reductive terms that I am going to use for the sake of defining certain male personality types and character traits.
Things are changing fast. It’s not easy being a man in today’s society. Traditional roles are changing fast, and men and women are left unsure of themselves and their place in this brave new world.
But no matter how much everything differs from what society was used to, the age-old male question still remains: what do women want?
Some of the men who kept wondering were in the right place, at the right time, and in the right position to do a colossal number of studies into women’s preferences.
In a smaller study conducted on a number of 100 women at the University of Canterbury, New Zealand, the respondents were presented with mating choices according to 3 typical main sets of criteria:
- warmth/trustworthiness,
- attractiveness/vitality
- status/resources
And despite what is promoted as appealing by the countless pick-up artists who want to sell their useless and overpriced books, the result was different.
The women overwhelmingly chose the warm and homely beta male over the cold and attractive alpha.
Congrats, betas!!!
But here’s the trick: women chose warm and homely in this particular situation: for long-term partnerships.
Betas, ladies, want you for the long run.
However, the one-night stands, summer loves, and crazy affairs go to the cold alphas. In this case, the attractive careless personality types were preferred over the warm and steady.
So it’s all a matter of context.
The question is — which context do you guys want to be in?
I have a very dear friend who is a definite beta, and he is always complaining about how women only want him for something serious. It’s no surprise to me because I hear how he talks to them about a time when men used to be gentlemen and treat women with respect.
More melancholic and traditional women fall for that like flies after the first cold night.
However, if he even mentions sex in the first ten dates, he is met with a slap and a sudden ‘goodbye.’
He doesn’t get it, but I do. I always ask him: ‘Why do you expect sex when talking about being a gentleman? If you’re selling apples, why do you expect women to buy pears?’
This other friend has a strong alpha vibe to him. He has no problem attracting women left and right, but he has had enough at some point: nobody ever wants anything real with him.
The truth is, he is good-looking but doesn’t bother too much to be an interesting person, other than hanging one of those devilish smiles on the corner of his mouth. He is also quite cold, demanding, and doesn’t really care about what his dates want. Women are interested but soon realize there’s no future there and take him only as seriously as you can take a one-night-stand.
When he asks for advice, I tell him if he wants women to be interested in his soul as well as his body, he should do the same. He doesn’t seem to be willing to make that effort.
A much larger and more famous study into female preferences was conducted by Richard A. Lippa and put out on the BBC internet. It’s a survey where 98,462 women picked the top 3 traits they look for in a mate, chosen from a list of 23 traits, ranging from intelligence to attractiveness and everything in between.
Women’s top picks?
- honesty
- humor
- kindness
- dependability
Guess what? All beta traits. This is not to say that alphas can’t be funny or kind. But it’s not something that is typically alpha. The characteristics that women prefer are considered typically beta and usually belong to beta-type personalities.
It’s also worth mentioning that features that belong to the physical spectrum, such as ‘fitness,’ ‘facial attractiveness,’ or ‘good looks,’ were also considered by women as important.
But looks are by far not as important as a good personality that you can depend on, and someone who is honest, kind, funny, and reliable.
Interestingly enough, traits like ‘prosperity’ and everything in the financial and social status range ranked pretty low.
Someone, please tell the guys who think all women are after their money to stop running. Nobody is chasing them anymore.
It’s important to note that we should take these studies with a grain of salt.
It happens that some studies contradict each other or are highly influenced by cultural limitations or historical and social context.
Is it possible that women used to be more money-oriented due to certain ancestral norms, and now that they can make their own money, they can choose men that they like instead of looking for the financial safety they were unable to ensure for themselves in the past?
Maybe. But that’s nothing more than speculation. Just because something is logical doesn’t mean it’s true.
In the meantime, betas can rejoice in knowing that it’s not the alphas who win at everything.
There’s a lot of fake pro-alpha propaganda out there when it’s actually the betas that hold some very valuable cards.
Maybe the most valuable!
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