Almost Screwed for Easter

Which side are you on: team Ham or team Turkey

Ham is the traditional meat of choice for Easter dinner in most American households. Historically, pigs were slaughtered in the fall, put up to be cured in the winter and eaten after the Lenten fast ended.

In the recent past, the nation has become much more health conscious and many families are serving turkey for Easter dinner.

And, of course, there are those who serve both.

A veritable cornucopia of Easter feasting.

Giant, the supermarket

I’m blessed to live smack dab in the geographical middle between a Trader Joe’s and a Giant, both wonderful places to shop for groceries.

Giant usually gets my business around holidays because they offer a free ham or turkey with an expenditure of $400 (accumulating 400 points) before Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter.

I usually make the cut for Thanksgiving and Easter.

A free ham or turkey!

To much for a single guy…..

I guess I could give the ham or turkey away but….

Giant had the answer.

A couple of months ago, around Christmas, I jokingly asked the young cashier at the checkout station whether there was something for which I could use my points for other than a ham or turkey.

“Yeah,” she replied, “I think you can get a frozen Stouffer’s family size lasagna.”

“You’ll have to ask the manager, I’m not totally sure. No one has ever asked for anything other than a ham or turkey that I can remember.”

I looked for the manager.

”Yes. the lasagna was in play!:” the store manager confirmed from her glass enclosed office 5 feet above the supermarket main floor.

NOW THERE WAS A BONUS WORTH SPENDING FOR!

I love lasagna.

I qualified for one a few days ago.

Just in time!

The rest of the story

The offer expired March 30th, so I drove the three miles to Giant to claim my reward today.

I purchased a few things but, to be candid, I was there for my Stauffer’s family sized lasagna prize

There it was, resplendent in it’s huge red and brown box, all 5 pounds 10 ounces of Easter lasagna goodness (announcing on the front of the box — 2X the meat)

The check out lines were busy as hell, schools on spring break, kids helping moms shop, dads sent out with Easter dinner lists meandering helplessly down unfamiliar aisles occasionally hefting a can of something, checking to see if it’s noted to pick up for Easter.

I awaited my turn in the long line to check out and pay my bill along with my free Easter bonus.

Showing the cashier my Giant card to be scanned, the clerk made a joke about my bonus reward, something about:

“It takes all kinds!” accompanied by a cheery giggle, “ Happy Easter!”

Returning the wish for happiness, I paid with my credit card, wheeled my groceries out to my car in the lot and drove home.

Groceries put away, lasagna in the freezer.

Relaxing on my couch I checked the grocery bill, something I rarely do.

It was with that inspection I noticed!

THEY CHARGED ME FOR THE LASAGNA!!!

I thought the bill seemed a little high!

I roared back to the Giant market with dark thoughts.

I may have run a red light but fortunately wasn’t caught (it could have been yellow….)

Hustling across the now packed Giant parking lot and into the supermarket, I stood at a disadvantage at the base of the elevated office of the queen manager. The young queen presided over a dominion consisting of 40,000 square feet of shelves and freezers displaying choices of nourishment for the human species.

What if I’m wrong, a fleeting thought.

“May I help you?” the sweet-voiced manager.

Didn’t she remember me, I just talked to her a little over an hour ago

“Yes, Ma’ am!” although I’m 50 or so years older than she appeared to be.

“I think you charged me for my Easter lasagna bonus?” my statement weakly came out like a question.

Indecisive.

“May I see your Giant card?” the manager asked authoritatively.

Fumbling, I removed it from my wallet reached up and slid it under the glass barrier.

“Your credit card?” she requested after she scanned my Giant card.

I fished it out of my wallet and handed it up to her thinking:

Why didn’t she ask for both of them at once?

Didn’t she believe me?

Did I actually get the lasagna for free?

Was I wrong in complaining?

“Please sign this slip with your phone number.” not unpleasantly.

I obeyed.

“You should be getting a credit on your next statement.” she informed me.

“We value you as a customer. Happy Easter,” the manager said as she turned away to the privacy her glass headquarters.

Yeah, I bet.

Happy Easter to you too.