Summary

The website content emphasizes the importance of embracing emotional pain as a means to understand and heal from it rather than avoiding it, which can lead to greater emotional turmoil and stagnation.

Abstract

The article discusses the common human tendency to avoid emotional pain through various distractions and numbing agents, such as new relationships, substances, or isolation. It argues that this avoidance only prolongs suffering and can cause emotional pain to manifest in negative ways, affecting both the individual and their relationships. The text suggests that by sitting with, observing, validating, reflecting on, and fully feeling one's pain, individuals can learn from their experiences and grow. It posits that pain is a natural part of life and should be acknowledged and processed rather than hidden or dismissed. The article encourages readers to adopt healthy coping mechanisms and self-care practices to work through emotional pain constructively, ultimately leading to healing and personal development.

Opinions

Emotional pain is seen not as a problem itself but as an alert to deeper issues that need to be addressed.
The fear of facing one's own reality and the truth of one's actions is a primary reason people avoid dealing with their emotional pain.
Attempts to numb pain with external solutions like new relationships or substances are ineffective and can exacerbate the underlying issues.
Pain is viewed as an opportunity for personal growth and self-improvement, with the potential to bring about positive change.
Society's negative perception of pain as something to be feared and avoided is challenged, suggesting instead that pain should be embraced and carried as part of one's reality.
The article advocates for the importance of learning and practicing healthy coping skills to navigate through emotional pain effectively.
It is emphasized that each individual's pain is unique, and therefore, coping mechanisms should be personalized to what works best for the individual.

Allow The Pain to Swallow You Whole

So it does not break you

Your pain is not the problem — it is the alert you get to check the actual problem.

What is the reason so many of us run away from our emotional pain? It is too painful, so we don’t deal with it. We run far away from it, thinking it will somewhat magically go away. We use distractions to cope. We ignore and dismiss what we feel.

We all have our reasons for burying our pain, but it comes down to one thing. Fear. Fear of facing the truth of what we’ve done. Fear of facing our current reality.

We try to avoid emotional pain but we end up getting trapped in a cycle that actually ends up with us holding onto negative emotions for longer than necessary.

The wound is where the light enters you — Rumi.

We try to numb the pain with a new relationship. A glass of wine. Drugs. We isolate ourselves. But it doesn't help at all. It makes it worse.

But of course, we are human and we will do whatever possible to get rid of our pain. While we think we’re minimizing the pain with our behavior, we’re really only making it big and causing an emotional stagnation.

When we ran away from our pain, it does not heal. Instead, it slowly works itself to the surface in a negative way which destroys us and our relationships.

For instance, a man gets out of a relationship that ended badly, and instead of him taking the time to evaluate his situation, learn where he went wrong and heal the pain, he gets into a brand new relationship right away hoping the new relationship will make his pain go away.

But what happens is he takes all of his old issues into the new relationship and ends up hurting the new person he is with.

In the short term, the new relationship makes him feel good and all, but the pain is not gone — just buried somewhere deep within him. He ran from his pain only to cause more pain for himself and his new partner.

We never learn healthy ways to cope with our pain. We ignore it. We fight it and push it away. We distract ourselves, which results in more emotional turmoil.

It is crucial to learn healthy ways to work through these difficult emotions. Learning good coping skills and self-care can heal pain and help you move forward with ease.

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing.

People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it.

That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” ― Jim Morrison

Next time you are tempted to run away from your pain, do this instead.

Sit With Your Pain

Sitting with your pain means allowing them, resisting the urge to distract yourself, not ignoring or avoiding them, and not judging yourself for the part you played to cause the pain.

As difficult as it can be, there is importance to just sitting and being present with how you are feeling. This allows you to be aware of how you truly feel.

Observe Your Pain

Notice your pain. Notice how it feels. Observe the way you feel without judging yourself. Resist the urge to make the pain go away. Try to understand it. Where it comes from. What caused you to feel the pain.

Validate Your Pain

The pain you feel is real. The things that happened to you is real. The way you feel is valid. Avoid pretending the pain is not real. See the pain for what it is. For what it is trying to teach you. Validating the pain means accepting the pain.

One thing you can’t hide is when you’re crippled inside― John Lennon

Reflect on the Pain

Think about your role in the situation you are in. Reflect on your pain. How it came to be. When it started. What makes it feel worse. What eases it? Avoid the need to play the victim or point fingers at others. It does nothing to help.

Look at all the ways you could have done things differently. Think about how you can change your behavior and how you will approach a similar situation differently.

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it ― J. K. Rowling.

Feel the pain

The pain you feel is real and you have to make time to feel it. All of it. Allow the pain to take over. Feel everything there is to feel. Cry. Scream into a pillow. Use your voice to get rid of some pent up energy. Punch the pillow. Take a boxing class. Go for a run.

Let it move it through you, process the feeling, and then work towards your healing. When you feel an emotion coming on — whether it’s regret, guilt, shame, emptiness, or loneliness — feel it completely.

Allow them to arise in the body and notice the sensations that occur. No manipulations and no trying to control them. Just be with your pain until it leaves. And it does when it's done growing you.

Allow the pain to swallow you whole so it doesn’t break you.

Working through painful emotions is never easy. The important thing is to finding healthier ways to cope and using healthy activities and healthy coping mechanisms that can promote healing in a positive way.

Each person and their situation is different, so our coping mechanisms will be different.

Find what works for you, but whatever you do, you cannot run away from your pain. It will only grow bigger and bigger waiting for you to pay attention to it and deal with them.