Allow the Pain to Do What It Came to Do

Pain wants to do nothing but teach you a thing or two

Pain Doesn’t Disappear When You Run From It

A man gets out of a relationship that ended badly. He's broken.

Instead of taking the time to evaluate what has just happened, learn where he went wrong, and heal the pain he truly feels, he decides to get into a brand new relationship with someone new, hoping it will make the pain go away. He hopes this new person can make it all better again.

In the short term, the new relationship makes him feel good again.

He takes all of his old issues into the new relationship and ends up hurting the new person he is with and he adds on some new pain to the old pain. He runs away from pain, only to create even more pain.

Pain is a feeling and people are scared of their feelings. People are afraid of themselves. We are taught that we must be careful not to do things that bring us pain so we avoid feeling pain at all costs, but the pain isn’t the only problem.

Pain Is Meant to Wake You Up

Pain is the lesser problem. The bigger problem is buried under there and it gets bigger every day. Pain is meant to wake you up. Your pain is a part of you and is the alert to check the actual problem.

Pain is uncomfortable.

We all have our reasons for burying our pain, but it comes down to one thing. Fear. The fear of facing the truth of what we’ve done and our current reality. We try to avoid the emotional pain but we end up getting trapped in a cycle that actually ends up with us holding onto negative emotions for longer than necessary.

We try to numb the pain with a new relationship, a glass of wine, drugs and we even isolate ourselves from everything and everyone, only to find that it didn't help at all.

We run far away from it, thinking it will go away. When we ran away from our pain, we’re running away from ourselves. Running away does not heal what needs healing. Instead, it slowly works itself to the surface in a negative way.

It's not your fault.

We aren’t taught healthy ways to cope with our pain, so we ignore it. We fight and push it away. We distract ourselves, which results in more emotional pain down the road. Working through the painful moments as they arise helps us move through life with ease.

The wound is where the light enters you — Rumi.

Resist the Urge to Run Away From Your Pain

Face your pain. It isn't tougher than you. Sit with your pain.

Sitting with your pain means allowing them to be there and resisting the urge to distract yourself. It's tempting to call a friend or a friend with benefits but don't do it. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Go over the painful experience, not torture yourself, but to see the truth that lies beneath it.

Pain is nothing but a teacher.

When you trusted someone too easily and they broke your heart, the pain you feel is there to remind you to be careful who you trust.

Pain doesn't come to mock you. It's not here to judge you. It's here to teach you a lesson you need to learn. Resist the urge to force the pain away. It may go away for a while, but as long as it has something important to teach you, it will return.

Don't try to distract yourself by working non-stop. You must eventually stop working and face your fears. You must stop and deal with your pain.

Then it'll leave you alone.

See the Pain for What It Is

Emotional pain is the worst pain. On the outside, everything is okay, but nobody sees you falling apart on the inside. But just because there’s no bandaid in sight doesn't make the pain less real.

The pain you feel is real.

The thing that happened to you is real. The way you feel is valid. See the pain for what it is. It hurts. It cripples you inside. It's okay to break down and cry.

Validating your pain means accepting it's painful and still learning from it.

Make Friends With Your Pain

Pain just wants to help you see certain things clearly. The things that are so painful to think about. But that the whole point.

If you don't look at your pain, you can’t make it go away.

You can choose not to look at you and it will heal, but it’ll leave a nasty scar that will always remind you of the past. Some reflection on your pain is good.

What caused the pain you feel? What was your role in it? What could you have done better? What triggers your pain? Triggers are messengers that point you to what needs to be addressed. And what can you do differently in the future in a similar situation?

Allow the Pain to Swallow You Whole

Numbing the pain only makes it worse when you’re ready to feel it.

Be brave and deal with it. If you're simply too busy to feel your pain, make time for it so it doesn't put you on your knees sooner or later.

The pain you feel is there and you have to make time to feel it.

All of it.

Allow the pain to take over for an hour. Feel everything like it's happening all over again. Remember all the details. Cry. Scream into a pillow. Punch the pillow.

Allow the pain to swallow you whole so it doesn’t break you.

You feel your strength in experiencing and overcoming pain. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.