Allies, have you been called out and worked through harm you’ve caused?
If the answer is “No,” you’re not doing true ally work.
I previously mentioned a Facebook group I founded and lead called Real Talk: WOC and Allies for Racial Justice and Anti-Oppression. We’re coming up on our two-year anniversary, and we’ve accomplished some amazing things. One of which is mentoring white women on how to become allies to women of color.
It’s a two-week, online course with mentors from the group who have done the necessary work to be called allies. If any white women are interested in the training, it costs a mere $35 for the two weeks, and after the training ends, you will always have mentors and other white women you can ask questions.
It works.
But that’s not the point of this post. It’s this: I’m amazed when white women train with our group and are startled that they, too, are racists who uphold white supremacy. They’re downright flabbergasted they’ve harmed women of color. They didn’t mean to, they say. Then come all the excuses about why it happened and that it wasn’t really their fault. They get defensive. Some even cry. Some will leave. Those who stay get a rude awakening. The course is rigorous, and no one is allowed to half-ass the training. Otherwise, you will get called out and asked why you believe your feelings are more important than fighting for women of color.
I’ve seen it play out numerous times in Real Talk. The very idea that white women aren’t first is so foreign to them. They honestly believe they’re these benevolent creatures who cast their white light over us poor coloreds as we bask in its warmth.
It’s more like a laser that burns us to a crisp.
If you’re walking around calling yourself an ally and no one has called you out; you haven’t gotten defensive or cried; you’re not constantly working through those issues; and you haven’t realized that being an ally is a lifelong commitment… you’re not an ally.
Getting up in your feelings is part of the vetting process. True allies will tell you they fought their defensiveness and began to understand that centering their own feelings meant they’re not doing the work of fighting for women of color. You can’t do both. So either get over yourself or understand you will never be an ally for us.
And to the timid ones… if you’re taking your time and dipping your toe into the work, either jump in or get out of the pool. Dismantling racism and white supremacy means you commit yourself wholly to the cause. That means you fight these ills wherever you see them. Your racist friends and relatives should regularly receive a healthy dose of allyship work. Otherwise, you’re enabling their harm, and that makes you complicit in that harm.
This work should make you uncomfortable, enough for you to question if you can actually commit to it. The test comes when you push through it and keep fighting. That should not be the last time you’re uncomfortable. It’s par for the course. If you think apologizing to the women of color you harmed is difficult, just wait until you confront Uncle Joe about his racism and he calls you a nigger lover. That will hurt. But that’s the work. You may lose family and friends. But allies realize these people are dangerous to women of color and they refuse to be enablers.
Fighting racism and white supremacy isn’t a contest. It’s not a race to see who is the better ally. You don’t do the work so others will praise you. Ally theatre needs to die a quick death. It’s not helping women of color, and it makes us sick when white women behave like they’re on stage drinking in applause as the audience throws roses at their feet. It’s that ridiculous. Is this you? If so, stop it.
We need true allies, which is why my group decided to train white women. We need an ally army, and we need it now. If you, your group, or organization are interested in training, message our public Facebook page.
Follow me on Twitter:@LeciaMichelle