All the Voices in a Childless Woman’s Ear
“You don’t,” “You can’t,” “You aren’t…”
“I know what it’s like to not have kids. I was childless once, too, before I got married. It’s not that big of an issue. God knows, you got the easy side of the deal. Be grateful for that.”
“I have friends who are childless. I know what it’s like. I know what you’re going through.”
“I am sympathetic. But you’re making this into something bigger than it is. I can’t wait for menopause. I guarantee you won’t miss your periods and you’ll be glad you never had kids.”
“I don’t need your advice. You cannot possibly know what it’s like to be a mother.”
“You have no idea what I’m going through. You never had to stay up all night with a screaming child.”
“I don’t really have time to hang out anymore. I’m a mother now. I want to be around women who understand my journey.”
“You’re exactly what I’m looking for in a woman. I love that you don’t have kids. It makes things so much easier.
“No, I don’t want any more kids. I already took that journey with someone else. I’m really just looking to have fun and explore my options. It’s so great that you’re so available for that. You’re always around when I need you.
“What do you mean you’re having a tough day? It’s 3 o’clock. What do you expect me to do about that? I have to pick up the kids. You remember I have kids, right?
“You can wait to talk after dinner? Great. Do you think the kids are going to put themselves to bed? You think I’m not going to be exhausted by then?
“I don’t have time to talk whenever you have a hard day. I’m a father. I should’ve known someone without kids would only think of herself…”
“I’m trying to get everything ready for the Christmas party and I really need more help wrapping, cooking, and cleaning. Why can’t you come over and lend a hand? This is for your nieces and nephews, after all. You don’t have kids — it’s not like you can’t make time for this.”
“I can’t do the cleaning on my own, anymore. And I need help with my doctor’s appointments. I need you to step in. And do not ask your sister or brother to help out. They have kids. They don’t have time for this.”
“This grant is due on Monday and Nicole can’t work on weekends. She’s a mom. You’re gonna have to cover this. Do not miss this deadline.”
“You can’t say that you feel so close to your nephew that he feels almost like your own child. Did you carry him for nine months? Did you give birth to him? Did you feed him and stay up with him all night? It’s not even close to the same thing.”
“You act like being an aunt is as significant as being a mom. Being an aunt is a cakewalk compared to being a mother. There’s nothing an aunt can do that remotely compares to what a mother does.”
“Women who are all caught up in being aunts are just riding their siblings’ coattails or covering up their insecurities about how frivolous their lives are. Go have your own kids.”
“I don’t want to have any more kids.
“Yes, I know I already told you that six times, but I know women like you. You say you’re fine that you never had kids, but really, you’re hoping I’ll fall in love and that you can use my feelings as a bargaining chip so you can get pregnant and prance around with your mom friends finally feeling like you made something of yourself.
“Women who haven’t had children are desperate to feel important and special. You’ll pretend you’re fine with things the way they are, but down the line, you will do anything to get knocked up. I’ve seen it happen to too many of my friends and I’m not going down that road.
“I already chose the woman who I loved and respected, the one who I wanted to have babies with.
“You’re just for fun. Just for now.”
“What do you mean you think you’re so maternal? You didn’t have kids. You aren’t maternal, at all.”
“A ‘doggie mom?’ Please. You aren’t a mom until you’ve pushed an actual child out of your vagina.”
“I don’t know…I wouldn’t say you were nurturing. That’s really a description reserved for mothers.”
“You are going to be such a great mother someday. Look at you — you were obviously born for it.”
“When are you having kids? Aren’t you hearing that tick tock?”
“You’re thirty-five? Wow. I already four kids by the time I was your age. You’d better get a move on!”
“I’m sorry about your breakup, but don’t mope for too long. If you don’t find someone new soon, you’re going to miss your window.”
“Don’t you want to have kids? Or…are you having ‘issues’…?”
“You don’t have kids? What on earth do you do with all that free time?!”
“God, you must be so lonely.”
“What do you do without kids? I mean…like…what gets you out of bed in the morning?”
“Do you have a…you know…mission? Like something you want to do with your life?”
“Why should you get a pass at putting in the labor to sustain the human race when the rest of us have to make endless sacrifices?”
“What have you done to earn your place in society if you aren’t going to have kids?”
“You’re a waste of space. You failed at the only real job you have: raising the next generation.”
“You don’t know what love is until you have a baby.”
© Yael Wolfe 2022
Yael Wolfe is a writer, photographer, and creator of Howl. You can find more of her work at yaelwolfe.com.
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