Ranked

All the ‘Top Gun’ Call Signs, Ranked From Worst to Best of the Best

Writing checks my body can’t cash

Two of my favorite things about the Top Gun films are the pilot’s colorful call signs and their equally vibrant helmets. I find it interesting that amid all the two-tone, by-the-books military types, these pilots are given leave to go by gonzo monikers and have customized gear that goes along with it.

That said, some call signs are simply a cut above. Empirically. Emphatically. This piece goes through all the call signs to determine which are truly the best of the best.

In doing these rankings, I completely divorced the call sign from the character. It was the only way to be completely unbiased, and to consider the call sign on its merits alone. I ask you to remember that when you inevitably fly off the handle about how I placed so-and-so way down at #18. For example.

Technically there are more than 22 call signs between the two films, as a bunch of non-aviators also have call signs for some bizarre reason. I didn't include any of those because they clearly don’t count.

Cargo Pilot Candidates

These call signs are just plain bad. You have to wonder what the writers were thinking.

22. Fritz

What even is this? Was he a German soldier in the first World War? Does he not work properly, somehow? Is his hair an out-of-control mess? So many questions, all of them equally terrible answers.

The only thing less memorable than the character himself — was he actually in Top Gun: Maverick? — is his call sign. Literally the worst call sign ever.

20. Tie: Harvard / Yale

If you are going the college route, there are better choices. Purdue, Iowa, Mississippi, for instance. Or use college team names: Aggie, Bulldog, Hurricane. Picking two upper crust Ivy League schools makes me think of polo-wearing yuppies. Doesn't exactly strike fear in the heart. More like mild disgust.

At least there’s not somebody running around calling themselves The Ohio State.

19. Fanboy

Why not just go with Nerd or Geek? It accomplishes the same thing but without the vaguely sycophantic vibe. Rather than belabor the point, let’s move onto some better options.

Crash and Burn

This group of call signs is mostly notable for their obvious lack of imagination. They aren’t outright terrible like the last group, but they could still be so much better.

18. Goose

Any fondness I feel for this name is based entirely on my love for the iconic character. Looking at it objectively, this is a terrible call sign. It does not inspire fear. If anything, it’s a name to be laughed at, which happened often enough in Top Gun.

“Mother Goose, you pussy!”

Yeah, he probably had that coming.

17. Rooster

Goose and his son have three things in common: a love for being the Piano Man, the need for speed, and a bizarre fetish for big birds. Keep it in the family, I guess.

But seriously: if he loves roosters, why not go by Cock? That at least has a more aggressive slant, and opens up all sorts of delicious double entendres. Repurposing lines from the films:

• Let’s see what you’ve got now, Cock.
• Cock’s going vertical. So am I.
• Cock, you’re looking good.

16. Bob

This is the least-creative call sign in the franchise and also does absolutely nothing on the fear front. Can you imagine anyone actually saying, “Holy shit, it’s Fritz and Bob”?

Still, this one gets points for being nonconventional and kinda funny.

15. Sundown

This name evokes a western vibe, which puts me in a mind of gunslingers and high noon (which I know doesn’t make sense, just go with it). It’s still rather generic though.

Buzz the Tower

We’ve now crossed the threshold of respectability. These call signs are the pilots you wouldn’t actually mind having as a wingman.

14. Payback

This call sign could actually be the name of its own movie: They mugged Reuben Fitch and left him for dead. Now it’s Payback.

Fine, it’d be a really lame movie. It’s completely solid as a call sign though.

Is that another way of calling this mediocre? Yes.

13. Slider

This is one of those weird names that you wonder how it was come by. Was he a baseball player? Does he love sliding into your DMs (even though that was not a thing in the 80s)? Is he just a big fan of steak sliders? Ambiguous but memorable.

12. Coyote

Pros: carnivore, pack animal, sounds cool

Cons: dollar store wolf

11. Wolfman

Sticking with the canine theme.

As horror movie monsters go, Wolfman is probably third tier? He’s not up there with Dracula or Frankenstein’s monster, but I’d put him above your garden variety mummy. A middling call sign, in other words.

Unless it’s a full moon, then watch out.

The Need for Speed

This group of names is memorable but not without their flaws.

10. Omaha

Omaha brings to mind two things: Peyton Manning calling an audible and Omaha Steaks. I realize neither of those have anything to do with combat or dogfighting.

Honestly, Omaha is just a fun word to say, and for that reason alone, it earns this spot.

9. Phoenix

On one hand, a phoenix is an immortal bird that can breathe flames. However, it is most famous for dying repeatedly. That’s literally its thing. Maybe not something a pilot would want to be known for.

8. Jester

The name alone invites mockery. You are literally supposed to laugh at these guys, so I don’t know how or why the name ‘Jester’ would actually intimidate the enemy. That said, it’s the kind of name you can’t forget, which is more than you can say for about half of these call signs.

7. Hollywood

Hollywood is probably the least combat-oriented of call signs this side of Bob. However, it is distinctive and suggests a certain flair and panache that is intriguing. A guy going by Hollywood wears Ray-Bans into the bathroom and nobody blinks an eye. What does this have to do with piloting? Isn’t it obvious?

Danger Zone

Now we’re getting somewhere. These are the call signs that should be used by aces.

6. Cougar

I’ll be honest: I had a really hard time separating this call sign from the pilot. Cougars are supposed to be man-eaters — in every sense of that meaning — but the guy going by Cougar in Top Gun is just… not. It’s hard to believe this guy was ever a better pilot than Maverick.

Still, great call sign.

5. Hangman

Hangman is a game you played as a kid when you were bored out of your mind but for some reason couldn’t go outside, pick up a book, turn on the TV, or clean your room. It was a choice of last resort. But it’s also a unique call sign and has a violent connotation, hence the high ranking.

4. Maverick

That’s right — the hero of the films has only the fourth-best call sign.

Maverick is a cool moniker. It implies a certain casual recklessness, a me-first mentality. I imagine anyone willing to fly planes into combat must be a maverick to some degree, though. We can do better.

3. Merlin

It’s entirely possible that this is just the fantasy nerd in me speaking. I will make that concession right upfront. I am nerd, hear me pontificate.

However.

Merlin is a really great call sign. It implies a degree of unpredictability, improvisation, and, yes, magic, that most of the others simply can’t. Not to mention, Merlin is the greatest wizard there ever was, nigh immortal himself. Merlin isn’t a sexy call sign but it’s literally one of a kind. Also: did I mention the whole magic thing?

Best of the Best

Famously, Top Gun awards no points for second place. But in this case, I'm going to distinguish the top two call signs because they are heads and shoulders above the rest.

2. Iceman

I personally think ‘Ice’ is superior to Iceman. But either way, as names go, this is top tier. You know that somebody going by Iceman is calm and cool under pressure. Ice in their veins, and all that. They might even have a lame catchphrase: You've been iced. Think of the marketing possibilities.

1. Viper

Viper is everything you want in a call sign. It’s short, evocative, and a hell of a lot of fun to say. Plus, unlike a lot of these call signs, the name alone implies danger. You might give the bird to somebody called Hollywood, but you’d think twice about doing it to a Viper. They’d probably bite your finger off. And then shoot you out of the sky for good measure.

Going into this, I had the vague notion that the names from the original Top Gun were way better than those found in the new movie. These rankings bear that out. The highest call sign from Top Gun: Maverick was Hangman at #5, which is respectable. But the back-half of the list is full of new call signs. They are, as a whole, pretty boring.

What are your favorite call signs? Drop in the comments and buzz my tower.

Eric writes about pop culture. Not a Medium member? Join today to access Fanfare’s entire story catalog, plus every other story hosted on Medium.

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