All The Productivity Hacks In The World Won’t Save You Unless You’re Ready For Them

It took me nearly a decade to see this

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You’ve read about early mornings, strength training regimes, high-protein meals and second brains.

An objective part of you recognises that things like these can upgrade your life. But for whatever reason, you’ve never quite been able to make them stick.

Some call this laziness. Or incompetence. Or — the fashionable explanation — “not really wanting to be better”. I’ve used all three terms enough times to feel like an absolute miseryball about myself (yes, I made up that word, it happened).

It’s only lately that I’ve been wondering how far this kind of self-flagellation will serve me, and whether doing something just because it’s in a trending LinkedIn post or Instagram reel is necessarily going to foster real change.

The answer to this should be self-evident. But it wasn’t — not to me, and not to many, many of you.

So here I am.

I’m going to start with the TL;DR version of this piece.

Be kind enough to yourself to accept that you may not be ready for a certain lifestyle upgrade yet.

If that sounds unhelpful, that’s because we’ve been peddled a very, very unhelpful version of kindness.

Influencers have made “being kind to yourself” about bath bombs and glasses of wine. Nope. Real kindness is about knowing what your individual needs are and being brutally accountable to them. Real kindness is giving ourselves the space to go against the grain of what society, the media, the people we admire and even our own selves are telling us to do — because we have determined that those things do not serve us right now.

And that can be uncomfortable. Deeply. But it will lead to much more real, lasting change than any number of spa days.

It took me years to acknowledge that I needed long afternoon naps. I’d read all the stuff about CEOs thriving on power naps and thought I was lazy for wanting longer breaks. But over the last year, I’ve come to terms with the fact that my body truly does need that extra sleep. I feel more upbeat afterwards, my mind is better rested and thus less prone to emotional outbursts, I can focus harder. As a freelancer, I have the privilege of setting my own schedule — what’s the point of that if I don’t give myself permission to be myself?

Here’s another. I’m almost 30, and I still can’t drive. I know that most everyone in the States can drive, and I used to feel incredibly stupid and incompetent for not being able to. But the truth is, I have severe anxiety about driving. I’ve tried, believe me — every time I’m behind the wheel, my executive dysfunction kicks in and I freeze. If I forced myself to drive, I’d be a danger to everyone on the road, including myself. It’s much better to wait until I’m at a point mentally where I’m ready to learn and practise.

That’s kindness. It’s not sexy, it’s not Instagrammable, but it works.

So how do you get into the habit of practising this variety of kindness?

It took a lot of time for me, personally. My early twenties were peak #girlboss era and I always felt like crap because I wasn’t one myself. At this point, though, I’ve taught myself healthier ways of accepting that I may not be ready for girlboss-hood just yet. (I still do plan to get there, though!)

Here’s what I’d recommend.

Move away from social media portrayals of productivity

Those perfect home offices? Those multi-step morning routines? Those widely circulated reels of people who “have it all”?

They’re not the whole truth.

Note that I’m not saying they’re fake. Many of those people are indeed successful and genuinely want to help.

I mean that no one ever “has it all”.

Add a new step to your routine? You’ll have to make room for something else. Devoting more hours to one hustle? You’ll have to take a step back on another. Even at your peak state, you will be in flux — experimenting, editing, dialling up, stepping down. That’s just natural.

And the people who are successful? They certainly didn’t get it just by setting up an all-white bedroom with plants. They came to it after years of hard work, falling and backtracking, and I guarantee you that even now they have plenty in their lives that they wish they could change.

Ask yourself: “What’s the worst that can happen without this productivity tip/lifestyle upgrade?”

What is the absolute worst thing that could happen if you don’t immediately wake up at 5AM or lift weights 5x a week or set up a LinkedIn content calendar?

Think about how your life is now without that thing. Then think about the direct consequences of your life without it. I don’t mean the emotional stuff — I mean the actual, day-to-day consequences.

More often than not, you’ll see that it isn’t the end of the world.

Let’s take my not driving, for instance. Because I can’t drive, the consequences are:

• I have to mostly go hiking with my spouse
• I have to walk/take the BART to the places I want to go

Which is…okay? I like us hiking together anyway, and I love exploring places on foot. Plus, it’s motivated me to take up running as a way to explore the streets of San Francisco — so it’s actually worked out pretty well!

Celebrate the improvements you have made

If you’ve added even one productive practice to your life this last year, rejoice in it.

Until recently, I’d hate myself all the time for everything I haven’t done yet. And yes, that list is a long one. But this last year, the list of things I have begun/improved on is pretty substantial too. Since the start of 2023, I’ve

• Gotten much faster at hiking
• Started running
• Drastically reduced my alcohol intake
• Started eating intuitively rather than binging on the weekends
• Come out of a prolonged fiction writing gap
• Attended Sewanee Writers’ Conference
• Taken up regular Medium writing
• Become much more cognisant of household chores and duties
• Changed my mindset from “oh no, my twenties are gone" to “hell yes, my thirties are coming"

Even listing that out made me feel better. Try it for yourself — you’ll be surprised how much you’ve gotten done.

Think about the assumptions that might be holding you back

There are certain widely circulated assumptions about what productivity ought to look like.

They may be useful options, sure. But you need to ask yourself whether they are the right options for you.

Example — you want to skip your afternoon nap and work more instead, because you’ve read that naps are bad. The conventional solutions — go to bed earlier, or go for a walk after lunch, or drink black coffee.

If those solutions work for you, great. But if you’ve tried them repeatedly and you still feel sleepy in the afternoon, maybe your body needs that sleep after all?

Which means, could you be doing your productivity a favour by stepping away from the conventional assumption and letting yourself get that sleep?

Assess your emotional circumstances

Expecting yourself to work like Tim Denning when you’re grieving or getting used to change is unfair.

If you’re exhibiting consistent patterns of volatility, depression, anxiety, anger or executive dysfunction, I’d recommend thinking about whether your mental health needs some attention.

For much of last year, I was extremely depressed about moving to a new country. I was withdrawn most days and found little pleasure in things, and it wasn’t until I settled in that my mind could get back into creative mode. So objectively, yes, I didn’t get much done last year. But that’s because I simply wasn’t in the emotional and mental space to do so.

Ask your loved ones for perspective

If you’re struggling with your lifestyle and productivity, you’ve almost certainly been reflecting it in your behaviour — in ways that you might not even have noticed.

But your family will have noticed. And they can help you spot patterns that might point to changes you need to make.

During this last year, for instance, I know I was withdrawn and depressed. But I needed my spouse to tell me that that depression had translated into bitter, passive-aggressive behaviour. Me, I thought I was just venting — but he could see how difficult I was being. And that was a starting point for me to

• think about ways to process my emotions better
• implement ADHD-friendly productivity tips that wouldn’t leave me feeling so exhausted all the time
• journal about my feelings more so they wouldn’t be tempted to spill out

It doesn’t have to be a personality thing either. Your loved ones might point out that you always tend to wake up at a certain time. Or that you’re always happier after a 4 PM snack. Or that you remember things better when you stick memos on your fridge. Or that you always plug your earphones in when you’re feeling stressed. And in those observations, you might find new practices that make your life a lot easier — and thus give your mind that extra space to be creative.

Give yourself the space to grieve what didn’t work

Everyone will tell you to pick yourself up and keep going after a setback and not waste time crying.

That’s fine. But do that often enough and you’ll find yourself with a whole bunch of sad feelings that come up randomly, feel systemic and rotten and have nowhere to go.

That’s unresolved grief.

You just can’t expect to heal if you rush the process. And believe me, having something not work out is absolutely a wound that needs to heal. Whatever it is that didn’t work, you once wanted it very much. You gave it your time, you gave it your effort, you gave it your daydreams. Having to give it up also means having to write off all of that time — how can anyone expect that to not hurt?

In my case, as I’ve shared before, Instagram blogging simply hasn’t worked for me. And at this point, I know that I’ll probably never be an Instagram star. I feel a pang sometimes when I see women my age with a gazillion subscribers getting amazing brand deals — I wish I’d been able to get that for myself. And I’ve accepted that it’s okay for me to feel those pangs.

When you realise that a specific creative endeavour or lifestyle upgrade simply won’t work out, give yourself permission to grieve in any way that feels right. Set time aside to cry, write a letter to yourself, go on a reflective walk, talk to a therapist. You’d grieve a lost relationship, wouldn’t you? This is no different.

Keep trying, but do it for yourself

By all means, keep working on the upgrades.

There are certain practices that are healthier than others. There are certain steps you can take that will help you do more with your time. And very often, those are the practices that get shared over and over again.

But if it doesn’t work for you right away — if you find that you just can’t devote that time to a training regime, or that you’re too anxious about posting content online, or that you’re juggling too much to cook healthy every day — don’t be afraid to lay it aside and keep doing what serves you right now.

Someday, it’ll click. Either it’ll fit into your life, and it’ll be like it was always there; or you’ll realise it’s not for you and never worry about it again. The timelines aren’t always predictable — some things have taken me years — but it does happen, you’ll know it.

Until then, lean into the things you’re ready for. And to the ones you’re not, wave a friendly goodbye — and let them know: “We’ll meet again.”

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