RACIST IMPERSONATOR
All the Coolest Job Titles That Should Totally Be a Thing
Climate Change Denier
With the limited and boring job titles in the world, let me propose an idea to eradicate unemployment — by introducing new and cool job titles:
Cool Human
Money Spender
Pro Human
Self-Help Guru (I just came up with that. Just like that. I’m not even kidding.)
Self-Destruction Guru
Honest Human
Life Coach (I’m on fire today.)
Death Coach
Afterlife Coach
Human Impersonator
Bad Writer
Bad Writer Impersonator
Eating Coach
Money Spender Impersonator
Vomiting Coach
Racist
Racist Impersonator
Wake Up Alarm Setter
Alarm Snoozer (You don’t even have to wake up anymore to snooze the alarm.)
Self-Critic
Climate Change Denier
Kissing Coach (Heaven knows how badly I need one.)
Intercourse Coach (Ditto. Duh!)
Intercourse Impersonator
Meme Creator
Meme Critic
Job Downsizer (The exact opposite of a job recruiter.)
Spiteful Commenter on Social Media (There will be NO discrimination.)
Downsizer for Job Downsizer
Instant Instagram Commenter For Thirst Traps (Unisexual)
Ghostreader
Horoscope Critic
Podcast Listener
Bad Critic
Ghostreader Impersonator
Podcast Listener Critic
Pet Therapist
Women Costumes Critic
Pet Therapist’s Therapist
Celebrity’s Spouse
Bad Critic Impersonator Critic
Food Critic Critic
Celebrity’s Ex
Massage Therapy Critic
Massage Therapy Critic Impersonator
Inventor of Festivals/Holidays
Gossip Fact Checker
Phlebotomist Impersonator
Gossiper of Gossip Fact Checker
Ventriloquist Impersonator
Ventriloquist Impersonator’s Impersonator
Weatherman (I know this doesn’t make any sense but this would be hilarious.)
Reiki Practitioner Impersonator
Porn Watcher
Coffee Drinker
Coffee Drinker Impersonator
Bad Human
Mannequin Impersonator
Babywalker
Ventriloquist Impersonator’s Impersonator Critic
Judge Impersonator
Wedding Stopper
God
Meeting Unplanner
Porn Watcher Impersonator
Barber Impersonator
Hindrance Desk (As opposed to Help Desk.)
Customer Care Impersonator
Customer Neglect Service
Travel Unplanner
Passive Aggressor
Apocalypse Predictor
Bad Reader
Garbage Critic
Random-unicorn Generator
Gift Critic
Patriarchy Activist
Yawn Stopper
Terrorism Coach
Peanut Butter Spreader
Movie Critic Impersonator
Teeth Brusher (You don’t have to brush your teeth anymore. Someone else will do it for you. How cool is that?)
Human Resource (OMG! This would be the coolest job EVER.)
Inventor of Job Titles (Mic drop!)
Wouldn’t you rather be laughing? Follow MuddyUm and Srini
A special thanks to Andrew Rodwin — Editing Coach Critic
