Summary

The article discusses a game called "Actor Hell," where an actor's iconic performance can save them from cinematic purgatory, with a focus on Nicolas Cage's career and his redemption through roles in films like "Moonstruck" and "Mandy."

Abstract

The author introduces "Actor Hell," a game where an actor is redeemed by a single iconic role, regardless of their overall career. The game's objective is to identify performances that have become timeless and culturally significant, emphasizing that these roles transcend traditional accolades like Oscars. Nicolas Cage is presented as a case study, with his diverse filmography ranging from acclaimed performances to meme-worthy roles. Despite Cage's notoriety for appearing in less successful films, his standout roles in "Moonstruck" and "Mandy" are argued to be so impactful that they secure his place in "Actor Heaven." The article invites readers to engage with the game by suggesting their own actors and roles that they believe are worthy of redemption.

Opinions

The author believes that Nic Cage's performance in "Mandy" is a highlight of his career, contributing to his salvation from "Actor Hell."
Meryl Streep is considered to be above the game due to the iconic nature of all her performances.
The article suggests that Ben Affleck, despite his directing prowess, lacks a singular unforgettable acting performance that could save him from "Actor Hell."
The game "Actor Hell" is described as subjective, with the author's opinions presented as objective truth within the context of the game.
The author expresses a fondness for the film "Moonstruck," considering Cage's role in it as both vulnerable and combustible, and a key factor in his redemption.
The article implies that an actor's legacy is not solely determined by the quantity of great performances but also by the cultural impact of a single role.
The author admits to being a capricious god in the game, suggesting a playful and arbitrary nature to the rules and judgments made within "Actor Hell."

All Nic Cages Go To Heaven

He may not be the greatest actor of his generation but he’s the most iconic

I like to play a movie game with my friends I invented called ‘Actor Hell’ and now I’d like to play it with you. Someone once suggested I call the game ‘Actor Jail’ but I was raised Catholic and, therefore, have a natural weakness for the heaven/hell binary. Yes, I have talked to my therapist about this.

The rules of ‘Actor Hell’ are simple: one iconic performance can save any movie or television actor from perdition. I’m not talking a boring Oscar-worthy performance but one role so unforgettable it becomes timeless. In the context of this game, the word ‘actor’ is genderless. Which brings me to the first of many minor rules — Meryl Streep is forbidden from the game because everything she has ever done is iconic.

There are other bylaws and caveats that I will remember, or fail to remember, randomly, and that’s because this is my game, I am the inventor, and here’s another rule: I am a capricious god.

Also, just so you know ‘Actor Heaven’ is lovely. The macaroni and cheese is very low calorie but also delicious. ‘Actor Hell’ is not unlike downtown Burbank.

So here’s a brief example of the game: Dolly Parton is saved from ‘Actor Hell’ because she is epic in the 1980s office-comedy 9 to 5. Is Dolly Parton an amazing actor? Sure? She’s a sassy treat in Steel Magnolias. But none of that matters. Her performance in 9 to 5 is a classic. Our culture would be poorer without it. Now, here is where the game can get a little cruel and cruelty isn’t the point. This is just a game based on subjective opinions that can be joyfully argued (my opinion, however, is wholly objective.)

I think Ben Affleck should go to ‘Actor Hell.’ He is a talented actor and director and screenwriter (actually, an extremely talented director — Gone Baby Gone is a superb movie but, alas, this game is not ‘Director Hell’.) He has acted very well in some fine flicks. But for the life of me, I cannot think of one unforgettable performance. His supporting roles in Good Will Hunting and Dazed & Confused are star turns but not substantial enough to save him. Feel free to disagree but I’m right.

Sorry, Ben. I actually think you were a pretty okay Daredevil.

I came up with the idea for this brilliant game when I was briefly employed at a movie website that was slowly dying. I felt like Jonah in the belly of a giant zombie whale. But the good news was I could escape my cubicle to attend screenings of movies no legitimate critics wanted to see.

That’s when I saw the movie Kickass, a vulgar, hyper-violent tongue-in-cheek superhero send-up best known for introducing Chloë Grace Moretz as teenage vigilante Hit-Girl. But it was the actor who played her father, a lunatic Batman-wannabe named Big Daddy, who caught my attention. The actor’s name was Nic Cage and I had grown up loving his movies. Cage was a minor character in Kickass and yet his performance — alternating between gentle and unhinged — stood out. I still think about, um, Big Daddy.

The next year he would star in four movies, two of which were different movies about demons from hell who drive cars really fast.

So the first person I played ‘Actor Hell’ with was Nic Cage. Reader, I played the game with myself because my sole coworker was always busy sitting in his cubicle upvoting links on Digg. I declared, to myself, that Nic Cage would not go to ‘Actor Hell’ because of one performance of his that I think is nearly perfect.

I know that Nic Cage has become a sort of a joke. He’s a bug-eyed ham who will appear in any movie, no matter how awful. And he has made, easily, a dozen certifiable turkeys. I, mean, he starred in a big-budget adaptation of that paranoid Christian apocalypse book Left Behind. He became a human meme thanks to Neil LaBute’s bizarre remake of the influential horror flick Wicker Man.

But even though Cage is still churning out direct-to-video dreck every so often he pops up in an instant favorite of mine, like last year’s Mandy. The image of a blood-soaked Cage smiling while driving a car is immediately recognizable and Mandy, a fever dream revenge rampage, should be a part of the midnight movie canon.

So, yes, Mandy saves Nic Cage from ‘Actor Hell’. He is gleefully bonkers in it.

The truth is there are a number of answers to the question “Should Nic Cage be spared from ‘Actor Hell’?” I will accept the following as correct: Raising Arizona, The Rock, Vampire’s Kiss, National Treasure, and Adaptation. I will also accept Face/Off. Each of those movies is legendary in their own ways and they’re legendary because of Nic Cage.

But my heart’s answer is 1987’s Moonstruck. I love that fucking movie. It is a rare romantic comedy that is both deadpan and bursting with passion. It is also a movie that saves Cher from ‘Actor Hell.’ Her tempestuous love affair with her fiance's brother, played by Cage, is both hot and hilarious. Moonstruck wrestles with family, fidelity, and true love. Yeah, sure, its Italian stereotypes are a little too ‘whatsamattayou?” But I forgive Moonstruck its mild ethnic cartoonishness.

As Ronny, the one-handed baker who adores opera, Nic Cage is both vulnerable and combustible, sometimes at once.

He is truly iconic in that movie. That performance is immortal. One doesn’t need an Academy Award to escape ‘Actor Hell.’ One only needs to turn in a performance that people will talk about for years and years. In this way, Nic Cage is almost like Meryl Streep.

Welcome to ‘Actor Heaven,’ Nic Cage.

Would you like to play my movie nerd game? Of course, you would! Drop your favorite actor and the movie role that saves them from ‘Actor Hell’ in the comments. I will then render my supernatural verdict. It is a responsibility I take very, very seriously.