All is Forgiven

How Do You Know You Actually Forgave Somebody?

We have heard how important it is to move on. To move through traumatic happenings, to come through to the other side, and to move on.

Part of that moving forward might be forgiving somebody.

Did you have to forgive somebody else? Did you have to forgive yourself? Say, you did that. All is forgiven. Except, you can’t stop thinking about it.

Could that be a sign that you have not truly forgiven somebody?

I think it is more a sign that there is something about the situation you haven’t let completely heal. I think the wound caused by whoever did whatever to you still hurts.

Consider when you get a paper cut. It stings like hell in the beginning. You suck on it. Hey, if dogs lick their wounds and they heal, why wouldn’t sucking on your hurt finger help? You put a Band-Aid on it, and after a few days, it has healed up. Interestingly, one of the first signs of diabetes is when those small wounds take longer than normal to heal. Not part of the story here, but something useful to be aware of. People generally have diabetes for a good five to seven years before any diagnosis is made. It is an insidious disease.

During the healing process of your finger, while it is still sensitive, you happen to bump it on things, trying to open an envelope, reaching for a stack of papers, and bumping it on the refrigerator door. When your finger is not hurt, doing any of those things never really bothers you, but once it has been injured and your body is in healing mode, if said finger gets jarred, it hurts all over again. You gasp, your momentum is stopped, you might say a bad word, but you are reminded of the injury.

If you have had something bad happen and forgave the person who wronged you, who hit you, who belittled you, whatever they did, you said they were forgiven. And the whole incident comes up to stick itself butt first in front of your face I think that might be a sign that your forgiving hasn’t kicked in yet. Even if you punched the offender in the face, walked out on them, or turned them in. Whatever you did or did not do has no bearing on your eventual forgiveness and healing.

The person who did the offending has no responsibility to affect your healing. You are in charge of that. You are the one who has to forgive, and you are the one who has to heal.

They say time heals all wounds. Well, it does, and it doesn’t. The process is individual for every person. Sometimes, you heal little bits at a time. This is when you have done some therapy and worked out ways to feel better on a daily basis. You say goodbye to your therapist and find two years down the road, you need some more therapy.

Do you find another therapist because the first one didn’t do the job? No. It is how hurts get healed. You do as much as you can take at a time. Hey, you had two years after your therapy with no problems. Now, it’s like your higher self says, “Okay, it’s time to take this to another level. There is still something that can be learned from the original situation. Time to grow some more.”

Same thing with physical hurts. When we are younger, our physical hurts heal up. Bones that were broken knit, and life goes on. Except, thirty years later, the bone that broke? That’s the spot that starts aching in bad weather.

I am not saying you can look forward to a life of increasing aches and pains, both physical and emotional. Just move through it. Learn as much as you are able to about whatever happens to you. Eventually, it doesn’t hurt anymore.

To know if you have absolutely forgiven somebody? I don’t think you’re going to bother thinking about it anymore. That’s when I think your conscience is clear.

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