All Hell Broke Loose When She Didn’t Smile

The audacity of Grace Tame

‘What a sour-faced little mole!’

‘Ungrateful bitch!’

‘She behaved like a petulant, bratty little girl.’

‘If she didn’t want to smile, she shouldn’t have been there.’

These are a few of the charming remarks I stumbled upon on Twitter, before I had a clue what had happened. I could see they were talking about Grace Tame, and was excited to find out what she’d done now. Turns out, she didn’t smile on cue.

Who is Grace Tame?

Grace Tame is the 2021 recipient of the Australian of the Year award (AOTY). As a survivor of child sexual assault, she was appalled to learn that the law in her state (Tasmania), prevented victims from speaking publicly about their abuse. Her abuser was free to brag about raping her, boasting that every man would ‘envy’ him. He was free to be interviewed and discuss how awful prison was, and how it wasn’t his fault because he’d been drinking a lot.

And Grace? The law gagged her from saying a word, using her own name.

Grace Tame’s legal case can be described as a catalyst for the #LetHerSpeak Tasmania campaign, which was created by Nina Funnell in partnership with Marque Lawyers and End Rape On Campus Australia and launched exclusively with news.com.au.

Grace is one of 17 extremely courageous survivors who have received legal assistance provided by the campaign… The campaign applied for a court order on Grace’s behalf in 2019 (Gina McWilliams from News Corp Australia did this work, and Marque Lawyers provided additional legal representation). Since winning her court order Grace has bravely spoken out and has used her platform to raise awareness about the impacts of sexual assault, grooming, trauma, and victim gag-laws. [Source]

Using her platform to break the silence

In 2021, Grace grasped her platform as Australian of the Year, and squeezed every precious drop out of it. They gave her this position because of her power to speak up against the sexual assault of boys and girls, and her activism to protect and prevent children from future abuse.

Now, here’s the thing about Grace: she is absolutely beautiful to look at. How many people saw her delicate, pretty features and underestimated her? I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that our crime minister (not a typo) Scott Morrison, did. As Grace worked hard in 2021 to raise awareness for her cause and help victims, she spoke up on injustice every step of the way; the same behaviour that earned her AOTY title in the first place.

When Brittany Higgins publicly shared at the beginning of 2021 that a staffer had raped her in Parliament House, Scott Morrison announced that he’d talked to his wife, Jenny, about the matter. Jenny told him to imagine if it had happened to one of his daughters. Scott said, ‘Jenny has a way of clarifying things.’ He ended this declaration with his trademark self-congratulatory smirk.

To which Grace responded:

“It shouldn’t take having children to have a conscience.”

“And actually, on top of that, having children doesn’t guarantee a conscience,” she said.

Ms Tame was also asked whether she believed Mr Morrison was creating an atmosphere where survivors are believed — in light of his previous comments calling for this to take place.

“Clearly not,” Ms Tame replied. [Source]

Every time Scott Morrison blundered his way through an appalling plethora of parliamentary sexual assault/harassment incidents that came to light throughout the year, Grace relentlessly brought him to account. She became the thorn in Scott Morrison’s side.

Not long afterward, the department of prime minister and cabinet conducted a review into the National Australia Day council’s selection process for the Australian of the Year Awards. A transparent intimidation tactic designed to rattle the cage of an organisation whose funding mostly comes from the federal government. [Grace referring to the response to her ‘conscience’ comments in her National Press Club speech.]

Her refusal to smile

As Grace Tame ended her role of AOTY in January, 2022, in readiness to welcome the new recipient, Scott Morrison made the mistake of staging a photo op with Grace.

As you can see, that went down like a lead balloon. Supporters of Grace Tame cheered; women across Australia had epiphanies: you mean we don’t have to smile? As simple as that? We reflected upon all the times we’d smiled to keep the peace; to not ruin the moment. Where has that gotten us? Women of all ages vowed to stop smiling when they didn’t want to, and it was delicious.

To rub extra salt into Scott Morrison’s wound, she posed with his opposition, Anthony Albanese, later that night.

It’s true what people say: women look much prettier when they smile. I love that Grace saves hers for the deserving.

The consequences of an unsmiling woman

Yes, you read that correctly. There were consequences for the 41 seconds Grace refused to play nice. Other, more important issues, such as the murder of a child, reports of gross mistreatment of the elderly in aged care facilities and the important conversation about the impact of Australia Day on First Nation people needed media attention.

All of which were swept aside because a young woman did not smile for our country’s leader and his cameras. For days on end, it was all the media reported on. And, for heaven’s sake, journalists debated her choice to not turn that frown upside down.

Some believed that no matter what, we must show respect at all times for the office of prime minister. Others believed she should have stayed at home if she felt this way. Even though she was Australian of the Year and was fulfilling her duties. Providing the prime minister with a photo opportunity was not part of her role that day. She had every right to be there. And although Grace is more of an advocate for children than for women, what does this outcry say about attitudes towards women?

You don’t get a seat at the table, unless you play nice? If you don’t comply, we don’t want you. It doesn’t matter how hard you’ve worked, or what good you’ve done, you’ve got to have manners, girly. Her male fiancé stood next to her, also unsmiling, in solidarity. Not one person complained. No one suggested he shouldn’t be there, even though he’s not Australian of the Year.

And while we’re talking about people refusing to smile, and the public’s reaction to it, let’s look at this firefighter who did the same during the 2019–2020 bushfires. Everyone called him a hero, myself included.

I asked a few of Grace’s detractors on Twitter how they felt about her fiance doing the same? I kid you not. They couldn’t see an issue with his behaviour. ‘He should run for the hills,’ they cackled. Because no one likes an angry woman, do they? Some people screeched, ‘thank goodness she’s not Australian of the Year anymore. One week from now, she’ll disappear and we’ll never have to hear about her again.’

Two weeks later

Brittany Higgins and Grace Tame together gave an address to the National Press Club. Both gave powerful speeches, bringing their audience to the brink of tears. It was an empowering day. During Grace’s speech, she dropped this bombshell:

Brace yourselves. On the 17th of August last year, not five months after being named Australian of the Year, I received a threatening phone call from a senior member of a government organisation asking for my word that I wouldn’t say anything damning about the prime minister on the evening of the next Australian of the Year Awards.

‘You’re an influential person. He’ll have a fear,’ they said. A fear? What kind of fear, I asked myself. A fear for our nation’s most vulnerable, a fear for the future of our planet? And then I heard the words, ‘you know, with an election coming soon.’

And it crystallised; a fear. A fear for himself and no one else. A fear that he might lose his position or more to the point, his power. Sound familiar to anyone?

Well, it does to me. I remember standing in the shadow of a trusted authority figure, being threatened in just the same veiled way. I remember him saying, ‘I’ll lose my job if anyone hears about this, and you wouldn’t want that, would you? No.’

Three weeks after Grace didn’t smile, people were still talking about it

Scott Morrison and his wife, Jenny, had an interview with Australian Sixty Minutes. Did they talk about climate change? Aged care? First Nation rights? Brittany Higgins? Christian Porter?

Don’t be silly. Of course they didn’t. They talked about how they wished Grace had more manners the day she didn’t smile. Oh, and for some absurd reason, Scott played a ukulele, and destroyed the Aussie rock classic song, ‘April Sun in Cuba.’ A friendly reminder of how he buggered off to Hawaii as those of us left behind ran to safety during the bushfires and waited to find out if we had homes to come back to.

This interview declared his wife to be ‘the only woman who can save the prime minister.’ After the show aired, the consensus was that Australians saw him in a less favourable light than before. Who knew that was even possible?

Not long after the country roundly made fun of this man’s nonsense, a photo popped up in the media of Grace Tame. An image of a younger Grace, sitting on a couch with a gigantic bong next to her. A cruel attempt to discredit a child sexual abuse victim; an attempt to save face after Scott’s embarrassing interview.

Consequences for not smiling on demand.

Never mind that Grace Tame had posted this photo on her own Instagram account, publicly. Nor that she has always been transparent about the trauma leading her to self medicate, which is common for sufferers. She’d already told the world about her drug abuse following her childhood abuse.

What does it say of people who would attack a survivor in this way? That she deserves ridicule and humiliation? That the attacker is on the side of the pedophile? The Australian people weren’t having it. Collectively, we said, ‘so what?’ Social media lit up with people coming to her defence and criticising the attack. The Grace Tame Foundation received an unprecedented amount of donations that day.

The next day, Tame handled it with, well, grace:

Alright, I confess, we were doing a cover of ‘April Sun in Cuba’. On the oboe. [Source]

Four days later, on a more serious note, she posted an open letter via a tweet thread. To paraphrase, she called out the cruel behaviour and went into great detail to educate the masses again about the impact of child sexual abuse, and the tactics perpetrators and the public resort to, to further traumatise and silence victims/survivors. Despite the attempt, it’s clear once again she will not be silenced. Grace’s calling is to educate, bring about change, and hold people accountable when necessary. No matter what happens, Grace is going to keep on being Grace, and we love her for it.

To speak without words

On the fateful day of the photo op, a simple refusal to play the game set off a chain reaction. A cacophony of fireworks, of both outrage and cheer. She said nothing, but started a conversation. She opened the eyes of women everywhere. This is what we do regularly: we smile, we comply. We keep the peace and don’t rock the boat. Women across Australia of all ages woke up and saw what happens, what it means when we don’t smile.

Many of us vowed to stop smiling so damn much. I encourage you to do the same. Whether you’re a woman or man, trans or cis-gender, gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, black or white, disabled, Asian: stop smiling when you don’t want to.

I’m not talking about walking through life stony-faced. I smile all the time. When I walk down the street, I smile at most people. I consider myself a polite, cheerful person in my daily interactions. But there are so many times we’d do well to hold back. Sometimes we smile out of shock when someone says something offensive or we let out a nervous laugh. No more.

Grace has taught us that a smile is an endorsement of our oppressors. One they rely on, but flounder once we strip it from them. Stop smiling when someone doesn’t deserve one; send shock-waves, get people talking. If you’re not in a position to speak, let your face tell the story.