All Good Here

Except it isn’t. But nobody is really asking, are they?

I’m not good with small talk. I never know what to say, what answer to give or if it’s okay to ask a question. There are several conventions to small talk, and I misplaced that rule book a long time ago.

So I fumble my way around. It’s awkward, for everyone involved.

But I learned to reply to “How are you?” with something akin to “I’m fine, what about you?” I learned it so well and internalized it so deep inside myself that it’s the only answer I have.

I ask myself, “How am I today?” The answer I get is, “I’m fine, what about you?” It’s automatic. I’m not fine, but I don’t know how to find the real answer.