THE SCIENCE OF ALCOHOL
Alcohol Use Disorder and Denial: Could You Be a Drinker in Denial?
No one wants to admit they may have a problem — yet admission could be a lifesaver.
I was one of 30 million Americans over the age of 12 with a condition known as alcohol use disorder. Are you?
Do you have a hard time controlling your drinking? I did.
Often, I'd drink more than planned. Or drank on a day I said I wouldn't.
Often, I'd break my promise to myself by declaring I was stressed and just needed to relax, unwind, chill.
I drank for decades before I realized I might have a teeny-weeny problem.
During those years, most of my heavier drinking was on the weekends when I could let loose. Like most people, I worked to support my family and had to curb the imbibing or not indulge at all on work days.
Yes, finally — I had to admit I'd been in denial about the seriousness of my drinking.
When I did acknowledge that my drinking wasn't enjoyment but addiction, I'd retired, and my habit had become a daily one. I was knee-deep in alcohol use disorder.
Denial over. Time to take action.
Over a two-year period, I read every quit-lit book I could get my hands on, and it was my cure. I’ve been alcohol-free for over five years.
What is denial in alcohol use disorder?
Denial may be experienced by people with alcohol use disorder that often prevents them from seeking help.
Yet, not everyone living with this disorder has the same level of denial. Some drinkers deny they have a drinking problem at all.
Others understand that, at times, their drinking is excessive but don't understand that it can be an addiction. Their denial is about the addiction — believing they are "normal" drinkers — not alcohol abusers.
Some may think alcohol doesn't affect them at all. Others may be at a point where they understand it's time for a change. This is where I finally came to see the light.
Following are some common forms of denial:
Rationalization
The person with alcohol use disorder may try to justify their behaviors or offer plausible explanations as to why something happened.
This is where I'd say, "I'm stressed. I need a glass of wine to help me relax." Okay, so it was two.
Blame
The drinker may try to shift the blame.
I relapsed after two months of sobriety because my sister-in-law suggested: "Certainly, you can have just one Cosmo to celebrate my daughter's marriage." It was my in-law's fault, not mine, that broke my sober streak. (I can see the humor and ridiculousness in this now!)
Defensiveness
They may become defensive when the subject of alcohol use comes up.
"I only had one drink! Why do you think I had more?"
Dishonesty
Honesty can be a low priority if you're worried about being judged or discovered that you've been drinking instead of doing what you said you'd do. It can be easier to hide the truth than to be honest.
Comparing situations
"You think I'm bad?! You should see what Sam drank!"
Comparing their behavior to someone else to look better or without a drinking problem.
Being dismissive
Try bringing up one's alcohol use, and they may act as though your concerns are trivial and deny the extent to which they drink. I've had this problem with a loved one who minimizes her alcohol use as well as the following form of denial.
Avoidance
Changing the subject or being too busy to talk are common tactics for avoiding discussing one's alcohol use.
Susie is always preoccupied or doing something more important than discussing her alcohol use.
A few reasons someone may hide or deny they have an alcohol use disorder:
- not understanding the disorder or recognizing the symptoms
- feeling guilt or shame
- fear of change
- social stigma
- lack of education about the disorder
If you or a loved one is in denial, recognizing it as a coping mechanism is the first step toward understanding.
How to help a loved one:
- Don't make excuses. Covering up prevents experiencing the negative consequences of actions.
- Express concerns in a supportive manner. Your loved one may be more open to how their behavior affects others if you’re kind. (Admitting to yourself you may be in denial will help you see the same effects.)
- Prepare options. Give them suggestions for support—Alcoholics Anonymous, SMART Recovery meetings, counseling, in or out-patient therapy. Or call SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 1–800–662-HELP (4357).
We must understand that alcohol use disorder is a long-term health condition. It's a progressive disease, and the sooner we remove denial and open the door to let the light in, the sooner we seek help and the sooner we heal.
