AITA — Niece borrows an expensive swimsuit and ruins it, but doesn’t think she owes anything.
Am I the asshole? Chime off.
So I’m not sure what triggered it, but something made me think of this scenario that happened a few years back. A little back story. I grew up super poor. Didn’t really have anything of value to my name. Worked my ass off to climb the corporate ladder. Was finally able to afford nice things so I really value and treasure the things I have. I take care of my things so that they last because when you grow up with nothing, you understand the value of everything.
Anyway, my ex-niece (from the ex’s side of the family) wanted to borrow one of my swimsuits. The suit cost over $150 dollars, which to my frugal mind is expensive and a splurge. I don’t usually spend that much money on clothing. Again, knowing the value of money, this to me is a lot to pay for a swimsuit, but I was treating myself for losing a bunch of weight and I loved the way it looked on me and the support it gave. The niece, evidently, loved those details too, hence the borrow.
I’m also the kind of person who if you lent me something, I return it in the same condition or better — this includes your kids. I take care of my responsibilities. Anyway…I’m sure you know where this is leading.
So niece has much bigger thighs and butt than I do so she broke a few seams to fit into the suit — which was annoying, but okay, whatever…breathe through. She’s got a more curvy figure than me. But then when she got to the pool, she and her brother started rough housing and he tried to give her a wedgie in MY suit and tore the seams on the thighs and I could hear it rip in slow motion. Mind you, these were not kids. Niece and nephew were BOTH in their 20s.
Additionally, before I gave her the suit, I told her to take care with it because it was expensive.
After the incident, I said, “Oh my god, my suit…” She could tell I was hurt. It sounds dumb, but I felt like I wanted to cry at that moment because that suit represented more than just a suit to me. It was 6 months hard work to drop 100 pounds. It was a financial splurge on a piece of clothing that I normally would not spend. She knew this.
And she just shrugged like it was nothing and went on with her swim with tiny pieces of shredded black threads sticking out of the seams. She then never returned the suit, never mentions it again, doesn’t attempt to make anything right and acts like I’m overreacting because I’m hurt.
So am I the asshole for being hurt and a little angry? She’s acting like this suit came from Walmart and I could just go replace it. The entitlement was unreal. At the end of the day, it’s just a swimsuit. I get that, but her gaslighting me isn’t right either, acting as though the damage was no big deal.
This is also the same niece who begged me to borrow $1000 to pay her parking tickets and get her car out of the impound, but please don’t tell her mother that she borrowed $1000 from me — to which is still unpaid after years, and absolutely zero efforts were made to pay me back. I’m sorry, but it just leaves me a little bitter. I’ve come to accept that, that money is gone and it is never coming back and I just have to let it go.
This is also the same girl that I gave a weekend job to when she couldn’t find a job for six months and was struggling to feed her two kids. She was a horrible assistant, but I knew she needed the $100 every weekend that I was giving her to show up and wash a couple of dishes. If I hadn’t known her since she was a child and considered her at the time as a little sister, I wouldn’t have helped her out so much, especially since she never showed up for me unless she needed something. I treated her like she was family…but I learned the hard way, family can sure be shit sometimes.
She’s been cut off and out of my life now. The whole family is, actually. I feel like it’s birds of a feather flocking together. Ungratefulness is a family trait. I was in a different spot in my life, isolated and lonely, going through the wringer with my abusive ex. I desperately needed love and acceptance. And on top of it all, I was also far too nice with my head in the clouds thinking the best of people. I thought if I gave love and support and treated that family as if they were my own, it would be returned. It wasn’t.
So am I the asshole for still feeling residual resentment here? Gaslighters definitely want you to think that your hurt feelings are an overreaction, but I think my takeaway here should be that I’m glad that family is out of my life now for good.