Aging: The Journey to Become a Contented Elder

Your body may age, but your mind and spirit keep you young

My mother and father lived into their early 90s, dying peacefully in their sleep. But, the road leading up to the end was not particularly wonderful for either of them.

Despite their respective health problems as they aged, I watched as bitterness ate away at my father, and the disappointment of a loveless marriage sucked the life right out of my mother.

I remember looking into her eyes for the last ten years of her life, wondering where the joy that fueled her almost endless creativity in mid-life went. The spark was gone, and a dull look of resignation took its place. Was she infected by the bitterness and nasty attitude that consumed my father after his corporate career ended on a sour note? Probably.

After he retired, he wasn’t pleasant to be around for more than 30 minutes at a time. I wanted to like my father, but it was almost impossible. Although I made peace with him when he was in his 60s, after 20 years of estrangement, I never felt I could trust, confide in, or admire him. A big bummer.

But I found a way to love him for who he was and vowed not to emulate his overall persona. For most of my life, he was the example of what not to be.

Thankfully, it was way better with my mother. She was my friend and supporter all the way to the final parade.

They were elders of my tribe, born with unique gifts and talents, with successful careers in business (my father) and art (my mother).

But neither of them was content as they moved from their 60s into their 90s— a third of their life. I see contentment as a feeling of quiet happiness, acceptance, and satisfaction.

It’s a shame because my belief and experience so far, at age 72, is that we all have a great opportunity to become contented elders, riding a horse bearing grace, dignity, pride, and wisdom into the sunset.

We all age differently. Some of us are blessed with good health into our twilight years. Others, not so much.

I have plenty of friends my age whose health is compromised, significantly affecting what they can do. I feel very blessed and fortunate right now with good health. It’s a big deal.

Whether one has good health or not, I know one thing: contentment is an inside game. I get to choose how I show up each day, which is why I start each day with meditation, or as I sometimes think about it, hooking myself up to my internal battery charger.

That’s what it often feels like to me — getting recharged by the subtle life energy within. It’s visceral. The power within is bright, lively, pulsating, vibrant, and somehow…it feels conscious. Alive. Loving.

What a thing to hook yourself up to. And it’s safe and effective. The side effects are more happiness, peace, calmness, vibrancy, compassion, and integrity. Not bad, and it’s all free.

I’ve practiced meditation for 50 years now, well over 17,000 hours of my life. I wouldn’t trade those hours for anything else, even though I could have used them to learn three new languages, start a new business, or read a thousand more books.

The world bombards us with all kinds of things we ought to be doing and thinking about. Just turn on the news, or look at your Facebook or Instagram feed. Buy this cool Yellowstone-type hat. Download this app and get killer abs in 30 days. I ignore 99.9% of it.

Note: I bought one of those cool hats from a Facebook ad, which was complete garbage. As far as killer abs go — I’m all for maintaining my core strength, but I don’t need an app to tell me how.

If you want to be a contented elder, there’s a lot of crap you have to ignore these days — what others think and say, and the negative messages about aging that society dishes up. But there’s one thing you don’t want to ignore: your inner guidance system.

Call it intuition, the sixth sense, or your instincts. Whatever it is, I know that the more I quiet the mental chatter, the more I can tune in to my inner guidance system.

And the more we tap into our guidance system, the more we will understand how to be a contented elder.

As David Gerken offers in his latest article, whether we call it meditation, centering, getting quiet, or slowing down, it’s an easy way to access your inner guidance system.

Sometimes, I use a guided 15-minute meditation with headphones on. I know he’s controversial to some people, but I like Deepak Chopra’s guided meditations on YouTube or from his website. He’s got a deep, soothing voice, and the messages of peace, abundance, and love resonate with me.

I listened to one this morning, and his centering thought for the day was:

As I let go of the need to arrange my life, the universe brings abundant good to me.

One of the most powerful things I’ve done over the last five years was to rewire my brain from scarcity to abundance. Think of it as replacing negative self-talk with positive self-talk. The change was palpable. During several weeks of meditation and listening to positive messaging, I felt something change within.

I felt different — less concerned about money—more confident and believing in myself. The result was I now have fewer limiting beliefs, am less attached to what I think should happen, and am more accepting of what is.

The quote above addresses the common belief that we have to push, shove, and struggle to get what we want. I don’t do any of that anymore. I practice letting go all the time, and because of that, I’m about twice as peaceful as I’ve ever been.

Imagine that. We can be twice as peaceful if we let go of whatever is winding us up.

Too often, we get in our own way. We clog up the cosmic system by worrying, controlling, and overthinking.

I accept my circumstances these days, and if I want something to happen, I think about it first — envisioning whatever it is. Then, I let my attachment to the outcome go. I take small steps toward what I want, forgetting about the outcome. Deep in my heart, I know all my needs are and will be taken care of.

Modern society, at least in most Western countries, isn’t much help in supporting those of us who become elders. Gary Buzzard eloquently points this out in his recent, superb article. He says, “It’s time to fight against everyday ageism.” I couldn’t agree more.

The best way to fight against the stereotypical attitudes of ageism is to take the bull by the horns: Wear your age proudly, take good care of your health, nurture your inner guidance system, walk away from bitterness and regret, and find your inner contentment.

Let’s show this crazy world that contented elders can make it a better place.

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