After Thoughts

From a random voter

What the hell just happened?

Note to self: Buy stock in survival food companies. Buy survival food.

I should stock up on toilet paper, too.

Don’t piss off Bezos, Zuckerberg, Sundar, or that freaky-looking Twitter guy who looks like an Amish Uni-bomber.

Interesting palace intrigue shaping up: They’ll shuffle Joe off to a home. Kamala will slip Nancy a Hemlock Sunset; Nancy will slip a dagger into Kamala’s back. Schumer will call McConnell a lying dogface pony soldier. Even Shakespeare couldn’t make this stuff up.

I wish Schumer would get reading contacts.

Shotgun or pistol? Maybe both.

Does Under Armor sell body armor?

Where can I find a good used Tesla?

Las Vegas pro football team should change their name from Fighting Raiders to Counting Sloths.

Suggestions for Washington pro football team new name: Washington Swampers, Bubbleheads, Deep Staters, Power Elites, Oligarchs, Enemies.

Maybe those celebrities who wanted to move out of the country during the Trump years can now move to Portland or Seattle or Philadelphia. Same difference.

I hope this election will finally end campaign yard signs.

Space scientists say that big-assed asteroid, Apophis, could hit Earth on Friday the 13th, 2029. All things considered, I don’t think it’s out of the question it could hit us before the end of the year.

Communist Chinese aren’t such bad guys. Right Hunter?

Who’s on first?

My brother-in-law voted for the other guy. I think I’ll slice his tires.

I hear Mexico started building wall doors.

I’d like to put my carbon footprint right in AOC’s face.

Need a war? America is here to help you get started and keep it going as long as you want, or perhaps longer. Brought to you by our partners at Big Tech and The Military/Industrial Complex, where warfare is our most important product.

I hear Putin peed himself laughing.

I hear Kim Jung Un ordered a cake taller than him in the shape of a five foot ICBM and ate it all in one sitting.

Wonder if Dr. Ratface will be buying a big chunk of stock in Acme Face Masks?

I wonder, wonder who; who wrote the Book of Love?

I heard Punxsutawney Phil called and wants his lockdown back.

Was there a World Series this year?

Al Gore sent Trump a text: “Hey, brah. How’s your chad hanging?”

This just in: U.S. sets Guinness Record for being the largest banana republic in the world.

Nikita Khrushev’s ghost drifted into Joe Biden’s bedroom and said, “Like I said before, comrade, we do not have to invade the United States, we will destroy you from within.” Then he whacked his ghostly shoe on the headboard.

Poll watchers were turned away in Philadelphia. The mayor explained, “My bad. I thought they meant they were pole watchers. Oh, well.”

The Dallas Cowboys are wondering if Joe Biden can play quarterback. Jerry Jones said, “We could use a miracle and/or some good slight of hand.”

Several major pollsters — Quimmapoliac, Rasputen, RealFuzzyPolitics, Gullump, Mealymouth University — show liver and onions up an average of 25 points over burgers and fries as America’s favorite meal.

Arizona only counts ballots using every other Roman numeral.

The Squad posed for photos to promote their new series “Nancy’s Angels.”

Kamala Harris is the first “woman of color,” soundly rejected in the primaries by voters, to become Vice President of the U.S.

Oligarchies are good for the New World Order.

Something we should remember before it mysteriously disappears:

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America. — Preamble to the United Stated Constitution

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© 2020 by Phil Truman. All rights reserved.

Would like to give a special shout-out to several of my Medium/ILLUMINATION peers and friends:

Dr Mehmet Yildiz, Tim Maudlin, Jeff Herring, MaryJo Wagner, PhD, Nathan White, Terry Mansfield, Tree Langdon, CPA, CGA, Jacquelyn Lynn, John Kremer, Robert W. Locke, Dr. Preeti Singh, Lanu Pitan, Stuart Englander, Marjorie J McDonald, Ann K Frailey, Bebe Nicholson, Fatim Hemraj, Nomanono Isaacs, Donna L Roberts, PhD (Psych Pstuff), P.G. Barnett