After Affects Of Grief

• Less sugar and cream in my coffee
• No mayo on my burger
• If I lose my slipper, eyeglass or hair brush I do not go around looking for them. I simply buy new ones.
• When I Google search celebrities I begrudgingly check if they have lost a parent
• Any Youtube video I watch is date checked and notated in my head as either pre-death or post-death of my loved one
• I am really grieving unlike my sister who is happier today than when my mom was alive and my brother who is contemplating marriage. I am nowhere near…
• I want to roll into a Sonic the Hedgehog ball but I don’t want to release…
• I’d like to go out on a date now which is somewhat odd because I am asexual. I don’t find any of my male friends attractive. (if you are one of my male friends please don’t excite yourself because I won’t be dating you). Honestly who wants to be alone…
• Questioning the value of living a careful life. I’ve met people who worked extra hard to save enough money to buy a house in their home countries only to die of heart attacks in the taxi cab by the airport. And I have met unemployed welfare recipients “living their best life”, buying the most lavish of seafood at the local market while smoking tobacco daily well into their 80’s.
• I know exactly what to say to people who are grieving the loss of a loved one on their birthdays. The real birthday is actually the day after because you know you have weathered the storm; a birthday without him or her.
• “Patience is a virtue” and I am losing it… I do not have patience to sit down anymore and watch a lengthy movie.
• There is such a thing as “park life”. When I am sitting at the park I am free. When the sun hits my body I am a happy playful child again.
• Sleep is the closest thing to death. When I am getting ready to sleep I take a nose dive towards the pillow. When I’m sleeping my mother is dead but so am I. It is hard to write this but I have got to do this. I have other young neighbors who are grieving and practice sleep survival as well.
• It is seldom for me to listen to her voice mails but when I do I prefer the ones recorded before she got sick. I listen to them around Christmas and New Years.
• I no longer criticize widows who marry after a year. It would be wrong to pretend that the living spouse does not need to move on when actually they do. There is still much more life to live and it should not be done alone.
• Forgiveness is achievable. I am able to forgive anyone who trespasses against me. There are no grudges to be held and very little time left for me that is…