Summary

The author argues that success in life is not solely determined by education and skills, but also by understanding the importance of emotional intelligence, communication, and the often unspoken rules of workplace dynamics, including the need to sometimes prioritize being effective over being good.

Abstract

After 13 years of professional experience, the author challenges the conventional wisdom that education and skills are the primary drivers of success. Instead, they emphasize the significance of emotional intelligence, communication skills, and the ability to navigate the complex social fabric of the workplace. The author points out that practical life often contradicts the idealistic morals and honesty emphasized in education, suggesting that people prefer reassurance over honest feedback. Citing Machiavelli, the author notes that effectiveness, rather than mere good intentions, is crucial in making a meaningful impact in the world.

Opinions

The value of education and skills is overstated in the context of achieving success.
Emotional intelligence, communication skills, and presentation skills are key factors in personal and professional advancement.
Idealistic morals and honesty are less impactful in the workplace compared to understanding and catering to people's desires for reassurance.
Advice-seeking is often a guise for seeking validation rather than genuine counsel.
The author suggests that being effective is more important than adhering strictly to ethical or moral ideals, drawing on Machiavelli's observations.
Success is measured by achievements and actions, not just by thoughts and intentions.

After 13 Years of Experience, I Can Tell Why We Fail in Life

A realistic and sadistic approach

Our young generation has all its energies focused on studies and skills. We are being told that education and skills will get you ahead in life. It’s wrong, it’s all wrong.

I graduated in 2007 from the university and have been working in the corporate sector ever since. I have seen people getting ahead of me and I have also seen people left behind in the last 13 years of my professional life.

Earlier I mentioned that education and skills won’t get you far what came into your mind, what else? What else will get you far and successful?

Emotional intelligence, communication skills, presentation skills, and others have a lot of importance in our lives and careers. But I don’t want to talk about them. There is a lot of material and discussions and courses on them.

I want to talk about what I have learned in the past 13 years. I want to talk about which no online course or no book teaches us.

Let Go of Idealistic Morals

The foremost is that we are living in a dichotomy. All our literature and education tell us to be honest, to be truthful. At least every teacher told me that when you start your practical life, the only thing matters is the work you do. If you do your work honestly and efficiently, it will be good. But no! I can tell you with almost absolute certainty that when you will enter the practical part of your lives, the work you do will only matter a little.

Let me explain.

Work Has Secondary Importance

When you join a company, almost all the employees can do the type of work you are doing. Not every company requires you to build rockets to go to Mars, not all doctors are treating cancer patients. Most of us are doing the daily routine work. Sure, not everyone is equal in terms of skill and knowledge, but everyone possesses the level of skill and knowledge required to do the routine work.

What differentiates people is that what you are apart from your qualification, how you treat other people. That’s where all the fun begins. Whatever we are taught or we teach our children doesn’t apply in the workplace. It’s unfortunate, but it’s the truth.

People don’t want to hear the truth, people want to hear what they want to hear. Here is my advice, which I have learned practically and through a lot of experience. When someone comes to you for advice. In 99.9% of the cases, they are not asking for advice. They want to hear something soothing, something which will make them feel good.

Honesty Is Overrated

If you think you are doing a favor by giving a piece of honest advice, then think twice. You think a person asking for help will appreciate you pointing out his faults and drawbacks. I can tell you that all of us, all of us, already know what we are doing wrong. A person comes to you hey Tim I have this problem and you tell him he is an idiot and he is doing this and this thing wrong do you think he will appreciate your honesty. Noooooooooo!

Because he or she already knows what’s wrong. They want to hear things like everything will be alright, it’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it, carry on whatever you are doing.

Remember what I said earlier?

People don’t want to hear the truth they want to hear what they want to hear.

Don’t Confuse Being Effective with Being Good

There is a plethora of literature on our thoughts. Quotes like we are what we think. Our thoughts make our actions and blah blah. I am not saying they are all wrong, but they are incomplete.

According to Nicolo Machiavelli, an influential figure in 15th century Italy action has precedence over mere thoughts. He observed an interesting theory, the princes who were just, morally upright, and ideal never got to the throne. Either they were killed or became victims of schemes. The lords or princes who were not hesitant about any malpractice usually achieved a triumph. This broke the heart of Machiavelli.

And what he described is completely astonishing.

We are the sum of what we achieve, not what we think. It is not enough to dream well: the true measure is what we achieve. The point is to change the world for the better, not reside in the quiet comfort of good intentions and a warm heart.

To summarize, you can’t rely on idealistic morals. The world doesn’t work in such a fair manner. Sometimes honest is overrated. So always be nice, tell everyone what they want to hear, not the truth.

Also, try to be effective, not just good, all your pure and noble thoughts in your heart won’t bring any good to you or anyone around you. To make an impact in the world action count and not the thoughts.