Advice for People Who Want to Become a Pagan

Like everywhere else, there is etiquette to follow in a coven setting.

I remember skimming through an article on Patheo.com regarding paganism. I cannot recall its title. It deals with the popularity of paganism. This rise has more to do with the internet and being a solitary witch. Covens are suffering.

The following is a personal story that just happened to me. I hope that those of you who are considering becoming pagan will remember this.

Background

First, some background. I have been a pagan for twenty years. Ten years ago, I had a coven in my hometown before I moved to another province because I got a job there. I became involved with another coven in that province. After the pandemic, I lost my job.

The place I was living in only had minimum wage work, so I had to return home. Later, I learned that the original coven that I had been in before I moved, disbanded because fewer people were coming to all the rituals.

It is also important to mention that I do have ADHD as it has something to do with the way I communicate with people. Especially in this situation that I constantly find myself in.

The New Coven

Because I missed a ritual online and screwed up a meeting date a few months ago, I created a coven. Some people showed an interest, though. At the Zoom meeting, four people attended. Everything went well until I was cut off after 45 minutes.

We did not organize a Beltaine ritual since it was too early. The last two Google meetings, however, were only me and another person. Not much is being done in terms of coven organization, which I wanted. Perhaps this is because of my scattered mind.

With Summer Solstice fast approaching, I thought I would schedule an in-person and videotaped ritual (For those who didn’t attend but want to be involved online) for this past weekend. I did notify everyone via Facebook at least a week or two in advance. There was even a poll about which day would be best (and it came down to a tie between Sunday and Saturday). I wanted to have the ritual at my park, but I thought that it might rain.

It rained this weekend. Then, I thought it would be better to have the ritual at home. Since I heard that my city might flood again, there was a third option: I thought that I could do it online.

The original date was Saturday, but no one showed up. I texted a few members (not all of them). After texting with a few, I found one who is available on Sunday. He wants it at 4 p.m.

Apparently, he texted me today to change the time to 5 p.m. I waited until 8:30, but he didn’t show up. So I read his last message about showering and going to bed.

WTF? I thought that he was on the road, not at his house. When you promise someone that you will be there, be there. This is so rude. Don’t you agree?

It was not the first time I organized an event, and no one showed up. I did end up crying. Because of all the previous times that I organized no show events, I used to become anxious about doing it. Today I didn’t feel that way.

Anyway, I ended up kicking this guy out of the group. This was his first time on the path. I would rather have people who are serious about attending the rituals and workshops, and learning about the craft.

Some people in the group said they did not want to attend. I appreciate that they informed me in advance. Others did not respond at all.

A Warning to Newcomers.

Wiccan/Pagans follow the rule that if you arrive late, you may not participate in the ritual.

This had happened to me once before in that other province. I was in a group visiting another coven. There was one new person who spent more time looking at an item at the mall. Therefore, we went there late just to watch everyone else perform at the ritual.

As in life, covens have etiquettes for their members as well. I don’t have time to mention them all here.

But if you cannot attend a ritual, let the organizer know. Be proactive instead of passive on Facebook. Especially if you are new to the coven, it is best to be part of the discussion in that group.

The biggest advice of all is to participate. Covens require everyone, even newcomers, to participate in all activities. It’s no wonder covens are dissolving these days (there are other reasons too, but that’s the main one): a lack of attendance to rituals. It’s become more of a come and go, rather than being an active member.

Before All of This

Before all this transpired today, I did post a message on a local pagan Facebook group about the lack of attendance, and I did get some good advice from those who are in covens.

Covens that are currently active are small and only have people who are friends with each other in them. Creating one with strangers is difficult. In order to join a coven, you must know someone who is already a member. This is tough to do for someone with ADHD who has never had friends and who wonders where they fit in society, even as an adult.

What problems does ADHD cause in friendships? Well, the main letter in ADHD is attention, right? People with ADHD tend to talk excessively, loudly, interrupt, be always late, not pay attention to other speakers, and other social etiquette issues that we miss because our brains are more like a Ferrari. Because of this condition, those without it will think of us as selfish and narcissistic.

In reality, people with ADHD are not selfish or narcissistic.

Now that I think about it, that guy I kicked out might have ADHD, or is undiagnosed with the condition. Who knows?

I am getting older and tired of people doing this to me. Can you tell me what I am doing wrong?

Everyone is busy, and that is somewhat of an excuse I always hear. Yes, I will accept it, but I don’t want to hear that all the time. Why did you join a coven when you know that you won’t be attending any of the rituals? I can’t impress everyone with the right time and date.

I’m not sure if I should blame social media for this. Or rather, social media is not actually “social” at all. It’s just media with a bunch of people scrolling feeds and not responding to posts.

An Idea

Maybe I’ll change the name of this page or myself to ADHD Pagan, or maybe I’ll start a publication of my own with that title. What do you think? Does it sound too specific to be a Medium publication?

Obviously, it’s going to be about all things ADHD and paganism. This includes medicine, psychology, alternative medicine, advice, personal experiences with ADHD and paganism, New Age, and relationships. However, I might need to rein in my impulsivity and do some more research on this. Since it isn’t a popular topic, I know I won’t make much money off of this publication. However, I already know who my target audience is. But I do need people to help me get this publication off the ground.

If you enjoy reading this or any of my other articles, please consider making a onetime or monthly donation at Ko-Fi.com. Medium doesn’t pay much, so every dollar counts for me to continue writing interesting and exciting blog posts.

Note: This article also contains an affiliate link from the House of Intuition. If you click on it, I get a commission at no additional cost to you.