Advice for Long Distance Relationships in the Era of Self Isolation

A discussion on ways couples can remain close while separated by closed borders and travel restrictions

Endless binge worthy Netflix streaming, Youtube, television talkshows hosted from home, and of course close quarter (often times a little too close) family bonding sessions.. all fill our days during this time. Of course if you’re involved in a long distance relationship, chances are you’re engaging in these self-isolating global rituals alone. We’re all making the pandemic work, regardless of our circumstances. One way or another we’re getting through it.

For some however, the pandemic has imperatively driven an iceberg size international barrier between long distance couples. If you’re one of those couples then I understand the pain.

The long distance relationship is rife with its own challenges. The addition of closed borders and grounded flights accumulate to already strained circumstances.

Pandemic separation however in all its force, does not possess any form of power over your relationship. Forbid the distance in your long distance relationship from extinguishing the flame of excitement you feel when ‘their’ name appears on your phone or computer screen.

Experts have delved deep into researching long distance relationships and many will agree with the veiled benefits they possess, otherwise these relationships wouldn’t exist.

Time Matters

I have a friend who is dating someone on the other side of the world. The time difference is an astounding 17 hours. It was difficult for them to find the perfect time of day for optimum conversation but they made it work. Virtual communication is essential now more than ever. Closed borders will not keep my friend and her partner from maintaining a close relationship.

Choose a time of day that works for both partners, it’s important that the time is right, and both parties are in high spirits with a positive mood. Ideally we don’t want one person to be tired. Making conversation when we are exhausted is a task best left unchecked. Our body has an internal clock known as Circadian Rhythms. This allows our body to expect optimal times of the day for eating, sleeping, mood regulation, high alertness and sleepiness. This internal clock will regulate literally all of our daily functions. It’s vital that we try to keep on a regular sleep / eat schedule to the best of our ability to maintain this Circadian Rhythm, thus we will be at our prime during specific times of the day for bonding with our partners regardless of distance.

Romance Matters

Romance however shouldn’t be quite so routine. Spontaneity can keep the romance alive. What better way to surprise each other than with snail mail letters, special deliveries, or Amazon gift cards! Romance shouldn’t be an effort. It should be natural, and feel like an extension of your feelings for the other person. Dr. Barton Goldsmith states in his article ‘The Importance of Romance’; for those involved to take advantage of every opportunity presented, and to learn what their partner perceives as romantic. I remember I had a long distance relationship many years ago, my boyfriend sent me a beautiful large bouquet of dried flowers, ‘so they would last longer’ and it was an incredible surprise that I remember to this day. It’s the simple tokens of appreciation that can keep a long distance relationship solid.

Keep Them Close

At the risk of sounding like a stalker, one trick to keep your long distance partner close to you is for them to keep a few items at your home. Having their favourite book, a few sweaters, or a blanket of theirs close to you will foster a sense of connectedness with your partner. It also works in reverse, if they have certain items of yours, keeping these items close at this time can make a difference.

Take Notes

Sometimes it’s so easy to say throughout the day; ‘Oh I must tell him about this or that’ but when the time comes…. your mind draws blank. A simple way to make the most of your conversation is to keep note of things you want to share with them throughout the day. Keep a log entry in your phone or a journal of certain topics that sparked your interest throughout the day. When you continue to live your life to the fullest, you will always have something to share with your partner and your conversations will be that much more meaningful.

Keep Your Partner as Your Confidant

Maintain intimacy in your conversations. It’s important to keep your person as that special person you tell secrets to, keep them as your confidant, the one person you really trust to share your fears and your hopes with. It’s so easy to find a platonic confidant that is closer in proximity, but it isn’t necessary when you keep that for your partner. They will appreciate this intimacy and undoubtedly return the same level as well. ‘Setting the Stage for Emotional Intimacy’; written by Linda and Charlie Bloom in Psychology Today shared with readers that the desire to know their partner’s feelings and their needs expresses their own desire to make their partner happy. A partner that feels happy, understood and heard will feel appreciated. That feeling can go a long way in a long distance relationship.

Irrelevant Details Matter

The daily mundane details make a difference too. Remember to ask them about their day. Let them know the small things that you found interesting throughout your day as well. It’s the little things that can keep a couple super close regardless of distance. Nothing makes me happier than when my partner remembers to ask me something that even I hadn’t remembered telling them. This suggests that they show great interest in the daily events that interest you. During this time, sharing opinions on news stories will probably be a large part of your conversation since home is where we’re at most of the time.

Trust

It’s important for both partners to be accountable to trust. This goes beyond infidelity, which hopefully both parties are on the same page. Trust that yourself or your partner won’t forget important dates, or specific times set aside for calls. Being there for one another and allowing your partner to count on you and vice versa is essential for long distance intimate relationships. Sometimes it’s easy to let a call go to voicemail, even if you’ve preplanned that call. Try not to fall into that trap. Make the time and effort, and you will be rewarded with a bonding and trustworthy relationship.

Long distance relationships are an investment. It takes effort to make it work, more effort than traditional relationships. And a lot more effort now during physical distancing and coronavirus. However, a key benefit of the long distance relationship is that both partners have invested time to make the relationship work. When time and effort are involved, more appreciation for the relationship exists and therefore neither partner will give up easily or let the relationship fall by the wayside.

If both partners share the same values, and if both value the relationship on the same level then chances are good the relationship will remain strong and intimacy will remain even stronger.

Keep your long distance relationship alive. Stay home, stay safe, and keep close to them in other ways!