Summary

An individual with ADHD struggles to meditate despite expert recommendations, facing a barrage of distracting thoughts and external interruptions.

Abstract

The author, attempting to meditate, is surrounded by the tranquil elements of a burning candle, soft music, and comfortable seating. However, the presence of ADHD and associated conditions like tinnitus create a challenging environment for achieving the desired Zen state. The mind wanders to past events, story edits, and anxieties, exacerbated by interruptions from a cat and concerns about finances. Despite efforts to refocus, the meditation session becomes a series of distractions, leading the author to plan for a better attempt the next day.

Opinions

The author acknowledges the importance of meditation for managing ADHD, as suggested by experts.
There is a sense of frustration and self-criticism as the author battles intrusive thoughts and memories.
The author views meditation as a beneficial practice but finds it difficult to achieve due to their ADHD.
Distractions, such as the cat's interruption and the burning candle, are seen as obstacles to successful meditation.
The author's mind easily shifts from the task at hand to unrelated concerns, such as story editing and financial worries.
Despite the setbacks, the author remains determined to continue attempting meditation, indicating a hopeful outlook on its potential benefits.

This Is My Adult ADHD Brain Trying To Meditate. I’m Screwed

Experts agree it’s the one thing that’ll help and I can’t help but fail.

I sit in silence.

Candle’s burning bright and all sparkly on the table in front of me. My legs are under me nice and comfortable.

I hear soft music playing in my headphones. They’re so light I can barely feel them. I’ve had them for years so, you know… my head’s accustomed to them sitting there for hours at a stretch.

I close my eyes and do my best to breathe easy. Slow, deep intake, even slower outflow.

Dang it, Tinnitus, shut up. I don’t need you interfering right now.

Okay… okay. Calm down, man. Everything’s going to be alright. Sure, Brain won’t shut up and you feel like every bone in your body’s wanting to snap at any moment. Your anxiety level is soaring and the last thing you feel like doing right now is relaxing.

But you have to meditate. All the experts agree, when you have your kind of conditions, the best solution is to get into that Zen state and relax through it.

No, don’t think about that story you wrote and whether or not it was a waste of time. Stop trying to edit it in your head, dang it! It’ll be there when you’re done with the meditation.

Ocean breeze. Yeah. That’s it. Think of an ocean breeze.

No, wait. Bad idea. Now all that’s going through Brain is the time you went to the ocean with your dad and you freaked out because a sand crab crawled across your feet while you were napping on the towel.

Fine, switch things around. What else can I think of? C’mon Brain, get with it. You know you need this.

Campfires. Sure! We have a little fire going on in front of us. What could be better to try to concentrate on right now?

Whew. Okay. Fire. Fire. Blaze.

Oh, remember that time you were in Michigan with your parents and the park ranger came along in the middle of the night to kick us out because there was a forest fire going on? Dad had to get us out of there in a hurry, and the tires started to melt as we went through it all.

Scary. Really scary.

And then remember that time you were sitting around the campfire and mom came out of the tent with a jacket?

She was cold, and since she was cold, she made you put on the coat, too, because you had to be cold, as well. Even though you weren’t, and tried to argue, she wouldn’t listen. She just kept going on about it until you finally put the damn thing on to shut her up.

It was so embarrassing, though. That girl you thought was cute was right there with everyone and you know she was laughing at you…

Hey, stop thinking, Brain. You’ve got to get this under control. Now you’re even more anxious than you were before.

Listen to the music. Let it soothe your soul, quiet your mind, and force you into this state of being that’s going to radically alter your life.

Wait, now the cat is meowing. What the heck does she want? What’s the matter little kitty? Did you get into the catnip again?

Sorry, my dear. I can’t play right now. I’m trying to meditate. You do realize crawling all over me while I am trying to be calm here isn’t helpful, right? What the heck is on your fur?

Alright. Back to it. What is it the experts say to do? Cut twice, measure once? Ah, now you’re just being silly.

Maybe I should look up meditation tips and tricks on YouTube. I’m sure there are a ton of people doing it successfully. There are some who have the same ADHD problems I do, too, I bet.

And now I’ve wasted an hour trying to find something usable. It was worth it though. I now have another 35 hours worth of playlist music and ambient sounds I can use when I write next time. That’ll go great with the 135 other days worth of music and sounds you have saved there.

Okay. Let’s breathe again and stare at the candle. I guess I am going to have to have my wife pick up another candle for me, since this one’s burned out quite a bit at this point. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind, though I don’t know if we can even afford it right now. It’s the end of the month and the next set of bills are due again and damn it now I can’t stop thinking of the internet people sending us a warning about our late payment that one time.

And now I have to pee.

Screw it. I’ll just try it again tomorrow.

Thank you for being you.

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Keep striving to “be the best you that you can be” at this moment. Remember, no matter who you are or what you’re going through, you are worthy of being loved. Don’t let anyone teach you anything different.