Addiction Was The Storm To Survive
For a very long time, I didn’t understand any parts of the true meaning behind the many negative experiences that I had been faced throughout my life. I feel like I was living in a black or white place, and experiences or tribulations were things that were just either good or bad.
I had never realized back then, that life did have the potential to give me plenty of meaning. Meaning that would help mold me in a way where I could continue to develop and grow for my entire life. It took a long time before I would learn that meaning of life. And oh, what a lesson it would be.
My story began to drastically change, when I found myself in a very dark, tornado-like world of addiction. Seemingly selling my soul to the devil every single day, handing over my self respect and dignity.
The experiences I was having on a daily basis, were lessons taught the hard way. Of course many people imagine those times in active addiction to be hell on earth, and there probably isn’t anything worse.
However, the worst times were still yet to come.
Although I became just a shell of my former self during active addiction, the real lessons and hardest experiences of my life, weren’t ready to happen, until it was time to quit. The yearning, and journey of sobriety, was a world I could have never imagined. Things I would learn about who I am would be things I wouldn’t come close to understanding for many years.
Addiction is one of the worst things that I’ll probably ever experience. There was only one thing good that ever came from that dark journey. And that good thing was sobriety, and the many gifts that sobriety gives us. Gifts that we could never seek out in any other way. Gifts that aren’t just offered to people out of the blue.
The opportunity that was brought before me, when getting sober, was potentially, the greatest gift I’ll ever receive. That chance to not just change, but a chance to change my entire being. While an extraordinarily difficult process, and it has been certainly a long one, I still am presented with lessons everyday that encompass learning about who I am, and changing what I need to change.
A lot of realizations had to be done by me. I learned that I could never truly change, unless I was able to understand, and accept who I was originally. That includes, accepting all the many dark and dirty deeds I’ve done. Part of this process was me trying to recover all the endless amounts of trust I lost, from endless amounts of people. All of these processes, are the true hidden gems in finding out who we really are, and what our purpose is.
Ancient Philosopher, Epictetus once said that, “we have to make full use of what happens to us.” Well, I feel that statement is deep and enlightening. I also think it relates to the experiences I have had in my life. In order to be at a place where I am at now, I had to first go through hell to find my purpose and meaning.
-Thank you for reading.
Michael Patanella
is a Trenton, New Jersey Author, Publisher, Columnist, Editor, Advocate, and recovering addict, covering topics of mental health, addiction, sobriety, mindfulness, self-help, faith, spirituality, Smart Recovery, social advocacy, and countless other nonfiction topics. His articles, publications, memoirs, and stories are geared towards being a voice for the voiceless. Hoping to reach others out there still struggling.