Accepting the Natural Evolution of Relationships

An organic development

I believe in the natural evolution of relationships. Who am I to try and control them? I have been heartbroken before, but it brought me closer to myself and closer to understanding many of my beliefs.

I worried for a long time about my unconventional views.

One thing I have learned throughout my relationships is, complete commitment does not mean compromising who you are.

I spent a lot of time compromising who I was in the past, and it showed me this isn’t a healthy way of relating to people.

Compromising is an important element of successful relationships, but compromising who you are to meet someone else’s needs is neglecting yourself and can feel even more lonely than being alone.

To have healthy progressive relationships we must make an effort to not only relate to our partners, friends, and family, but we must first invest time in ourselves, filling our own cups.

Handing over your happiness and wellbeing to anyone else in this world is a recipe for disaster. Work on your happiness whilst enjoying the process of relating to people and developing relationships.

Without self-love, you will cause yourself to suffer.

I believed for a long time if I put effort, energy, and time into myself while in relationships with others that I was taking away what I owed to them. I can see now how running around after others just left me feeling trapped, disappointed, and like I was betraying myself.

All these experiences and learning opportunities wouldn’t have been gifted to me had I not been through pain, heartbreak, and failed relationships though.

I want to learn from my past.

Relationships all have a natural evolution. From beginning to end. Even if we commit to one partner and spend the rest of our lives with them, death is an ending we can’t avoid.

Everything has a natural evolution, an organic process.

Learning to allow my relationships to evolve naturally has been quite scary at times.

The old me, overly accommodating and people-pleasing, used those parts of myself to feel as though I had control over my relationships- although much of this was subconscious.

In real life, I had no control over anyone, including myself back then.

If we invest love in ourselves first, we learn we can love in a much broader and deeper way.

We learn to deeply want whatever is best for ourselves at the time, and in turn we accept and support others to also do the same for themselves.

This is a part of the process, I believe now of allowing all relationships in my life to evolve naturally.

We have to understand inner growth and self-development are key to changing how we act and respond in relationship dynamics. And if we want to attract different dynamics into our lives we have to recognize this starts with ourselves.

Here are some of the ways I am allowing my relationships to evolve more naturally now;

• Staying in tune with myself and trying to live my life with integrity. If someone wants to change a core part of who I am, they will be shown the door.
• Understanding that the only thing I can change is how I act and respond, and how I invest my time, energy, effort, and love.
• Remembering the finality of everything.
• Trusting in the coming and going of people and relationships in my life.
• Forgiving myself for participating in unhealthy relationship dynamics in the past, and also recognizing the purpose in experiencing these things.

I trust I will experience and have relationships with who I need to for wherever I am in life.

Honouring and respecting my natural evolution also helps. Because this is what I am giving to myself, I feel more inspired than ever that this is what I can offer to other people too. Encouragement, acceptance, support, and love on their journey, whatever that may be.

“Never treat any person as a means. Treat everybody as an end in himself, in herself — then you don’t cling, then you are not attached. You love, but your love gives freedom — and, when you give freedom to the other, you are free. Only in freedom does your soul grow. You will feel very, very happy.” ― Osho, Love, Freedom, Aloneness: The Koan of Relationships

I recognize now the greatest love I can give to anyone is the wholehearted acceptance of who they are at any given point in time, whether I am in a relationship with them or not, whether they are in my life or not.

I can see the purpose in every part of relationships, the destruction, the endings, the beginnings, it is all a part of the evolution.

Freedom in a relationship is important to me, and it’s important to me that I offer this to others too.

I want my relationship to transform if that is a part of its natural evolution.

I want it to end if that is part of its natural evolution.

I want it to do whatever it needs to do, so both people may be free to grow and be happy, whatever that looks like.

“The ordinary love is a demand, the real love is a sharing. It knows nothing of demand; it knows the joy of giving.” ― Osho, Love, Freedom, Aloneness: The Koan of Relationships