Academic Claims to Having Discovered a Cure for Homosexuality

And wait till you hear her mind-bending theory regarding what causes people to be gay.

A couple of years ago when I first started learning Arabic someone sent me one of the strangest video clips I had ever seen. The setting: a popular Kuwaiti talk show. The guest du jour: an “academic” who claims to have a “discovered” a “cure” for homosexuality (I know, I know, too many quotation marks, but trust me, the whole thing makes a turn for the bizarre the minute the guest opens her mouth).

Wrong on so many levels

The clip shows three women (two hosts and one guest) seemingly having the usual talk show chit-chat on a Kuwaiti television programme. If you’d like to experience Exhibit A of what constitutes a serving of brain-freezing insanity seasoned with stupidity and spiced with a dash of crazier pseudo-science, read on.

The guest, Dr. Mariam Al-Sohel claims to have developed a herbal concoction/cure for homosexuality based on “prophetic medicine” and which requires the insertion of said concoction into the anuses of her patients. Dr. Mariam by the way, is not a medical doctor (thank goodness).

Stay with me now. This “academic” with an honorary doctorate from the “International Union of Universities” in Turkey (red flag numero uno) claims to have discovered, in religious books no less, the root cause of homosexuality and a cure for this “disease” (my pinkie finger is getting numb from typing all those quotation marks on my keyboard). She is described as a New Age therapist and Human Development Advisor (advisor to whom? Seriously).

Apparently gay people exist because a species of semen-eating worm has infected their anuses, somehow manipulating their brains and causing them to crave anal intercourse in order to feed said worms. The doctor then shows her cure — little phallus-shaped teabag-looking things (“suppositories”) that apparently kill the worms.

Warning, brain-hurting content ahead (with English subtitles — it’s at times like this that I sometimes regret being able to understand both Arabic and English, as my brain has been assaulted by a double dosage of stupidity in two languages).

Your dive into crazy waters is about to get a lot deeper

Continuing the bizarre theory, she then talks about how this is all “prophetic medicine” while the talk show hosts nod their heads and agree with her as if she’d just unlocked the hidden mysteries of the universe (minute 1:25).

Yes, anal worms with a taste for semen are the cause for homosexuality. No explanation given as to how this has anything to do with lesbians (seeing that at minute she claims that her cure works for both sexes and her little phallic teabag-looking things come in different-colours for men and women— although they contain the same formulation, see minute 2:06) which suggests the “doctor” has no idea how lesbian sex works.

No mention as to how long the phallic teabags are to be kept in their anal cavities before the patients start becoming heterosexual again with the accompanying pooping of dead semen-eating worms (or perhaps that part might not have been included in the clip — probably because whoever recorded it must have already gotten a major stupidity-induced brain cramp by then and decided to turn the bloody clip off entirely).

Hang on there’s more

Oh that’s right, the good doctor claims earlier in the clip that there are four genders. The third gender being (effeminate) boys and the fourth gender being butch lesbians (minute 0:58).

If you think the assault to your intelligence ends there, think again — she also talks about how her “cure” involves giving the patients a balanced diet of bitter, sour, salty and sweet foods. That’s right, no need for conversion therapies, all a misguided homosexual needs is a phallic teabag in their anus and a diet to cleanse the body of poisons (minutes 2:17 to 2:29). Because that’s basically how the good doctor sees homosexuals — suffering from a disease with their bodies full of worms and poison.

At minute 2:31 she recommends putting the “third gender” (presumably, effeminate men) on a diet of bitter foods to “increase their masculinity,” as well as cutting out salt and sugar. That’s right, bitter foods with no salt and sugar will make you more manly!

Apparently roots and any vegetables that grow underground are good for “increasing masculinity” and building muscle (minute 2:41 to minute 2:48). Bodybuilders of the world should rejoice and start bulking up on sweet potatoes, radishes, carrots and onions thanks to her discovery!

I think that’s the maximum amount of crazy that one can pack into an article

The only two logical assumptions I can make from all the mind-boggling pseudo-science and absolute junk that Dr Mariam has unleashed on her viewers are:

A, she is a scammer exploiting her society’s ignorance while making a profit from her two minutes of fame.

B, she might be smarter than we think. Perhaps, she might be trolling and throwing shade on her viewers after all. Imagine this scenario: Once unfortunate LGBT kids get sent to her health centre by their ignorant parents, she’ll proceed to tell her patients: “Listen honey, you know I can’t cure you, right? Ignore that BS. There ain’t no such thing as a cure and there’s nothing wrong with you! But at least I can give you some tips on how to survive in this society of ours!”

Or perhaps that might be wishful thinking on my part. Feel free to make up your own mind. Now I need to go take a break, clear my head and drink some of that muscle-building carrot juice.