Can I Tell You My Story?

Can you tell me how can I regain my stolen innocence?

Naivety is a branch of weakness, and weakness is one of the greatest dangers.

I had a heart full of hope before the world, insisting that people are good and that I will have an obstacle-free life…

Today I want to confess my story and release myself for once.

I fell to my knees and cried out. I cried so hard that I could hardly feel my body. And all I wanted was to no longer exist, to not feel all the pain that paralyzed me and absorbed my oxygen.

I wanted to detach from reality, replacing it with fantasies that could give me a little warmth. But I barely made it …

Please, leave me! I told him crying as he dragged me on the asphalt. Move now, someone can see us!

But I did not move although his wrist was so tight that my weak bones made a noise. The noise of squeaking like vines burning in the fire.

A sparkle of hope

Do you know why I didn’t move? Because I noticed in the distance, a group of girls approaching. And this gave me hope that I had a chance for someone to help me.

But in an instant, the ”monster” lifted me and clutched his hand around my neck like a vise. And then I saw the eyes of a demon who had escaped from Hell. A demon was desperate to catch and destroy the most innocent prey.

My soul was not only naive, it was vulnerable and full of hope. That made me the perfect target.

If you don’t move, I’ll make you one with the earth! Don’t put me to the test, damn it! — he told me. I did my best to resist as much pressure as possible. Deprived of the air, I was hoping that the group of girls would get close enough to notice that I needed help.

The mad artist

I managed to shout a stranglehold “please, leave me alone!”, but the girls giggled even louder. At that moment I realized that the big picture showed a couple of lovers arguing. He held me in his arms, so close to his lips, he even hugged me like in those love movies.

And that image was just a coded picture. On that day a mad artist had coded the painting to ignorant beings. And I had known part of Hell through the demon who handcuffed me so that no escape attempt succeeded. Until I was falling defeated on a cold bed…

The touch of the demon

My naked body was trembling and I felt for the first time the touch of the demon who was in no hurry to eat…

I closed my eyes and began to imagine that he was an angel full of love. An angel who will notice my fear of the first sexual contact, treating me with the gentleness I deserved.

I opened my eyes and looked at him with tender as I touched his back with soft caresses. I stroked his skin and lips, smiling. Please be gentle. It’s the first time and … And I didn’t finish the sentence when he penetrated me…

Then I felt nothing. I awoke from my fantasy realizing that the angel was only a mirage. The demon-possessed my body with brutality. With anger. Without mercy.

My tears did not stop, and my mouth was mute. The moments passed in slow motion, beginning to feel like I had come out of my own body. Looking up from above, I was scanning the demon’s body without being able to utter a word or sound. I could only leave the deaf voice of my wounded soul hanging from the ceiling.

I realized late that the world I saw was just a fabrication of my desires. And innocence is not power. I realized this only when I woke up in the middle of Hell unarmed and unripe…

Escaping from Hell

After satisfying his carnal pleasure, the demon looked at me and then left the room. But not before ordering me to stay where I was. It was too much!!! I didn’t want to stay where my heart cracked with each beat of the secondary!

What next? What will happen to me? It’s not enough? — thoughts were screaming in my mind.

I covered my body with a blanket and sat on the edge of the bed. Then I was looking for my clothes. But surprise! My clothes were nowhere! It occurred to me to run like that, naked. But going out the window was a complicated mission thanks to the huge “Diamond” TV placed in front of the window.

I tried with all my might to make space without making too much noise. I wanted to make my way out, but when I opened the window, the last voice I wished I could hear resounded in a low tone behind me.

I didn’t have time to turn around. He was already grabbing me by the hair and throwing me hard on the bed. I told you to stay still! That’s what you’re going to pay, you stupid bitch!

Frightened, I squeezed my body, instinctively protecting my head with hands. My contracting muscles were ready to receive strong blows.

I wished at that moment that I had been a demon. You know why? Because as a demon I could fight side by side with him! Can you imagine? I had a strong desire to tear his body with my claws. And in the end, I would snatch his heart from his chest, crushing it between my fists. The perfect way to destroy the demon forever!

But I was not the character of any fantasy film, nor did I have heroes to save me. I was just a simple fourteen-and-a-half-year-old girl who had indestructible dreams that morning.

Back to reality

How easy a dream can be destroyed! Do you see how easily color and innocence were stolen from a child’s face…?

You know… in that morning I had the colorful world before me. And after a few hours, I was staring into the darkness. It’s such a terrible feeling to wait for the executioner’s savage blows. But then…

Leave her alone, David! You won’t hit her at my house! — I felt the hand of a stranger defending me. He lifted me from the bed, covering my body with the blanket.

David was silent, but his gaze sent the same ruthless threats to me. I know he would have hit me wild, pouring all his frustrations on me.

Anaconda — Demon

I knew David. Yes, he may have had unconscious frustrations as a child, but that didn’t excuse him. His terrifying temperament made him known as the most feared boy in school. And now he was also the one who had robbed me of my innocent dreams.

Come on, go! I’ll take care of her. Let her. The stranger pushed David out of the room. I made a thoughtless gesture to get up before the door closed, at which point, out of control, David rushed at me.

He became Anaconda. Do you know what that snake does? It kills its prey with a force of constraint being. That force is incomparable to that of any other venomous snake in the world.

I had never seen so much anger from a human being, which frightened me, leaving me frozen and fearful for my own life.

I would have preferred to receive venom, but like the Anaconda, David had been in hiding for a while. Motionless for days, until his prey came within range. The attack was lightning fast. I was being gripped with strength enduring the terrible grip of the force. The snake began to tighten its muscles until I suffocated and felt to die.

It seemed to me that David could feel how much life remained in me. The attack was always similar to the Anaconda. The only difference was that he enjoyed playing with me always stopping in time. When he felt me breathing harder and harder, he was releasing me.

You fuck with him! Do you understand? I’ll kill you, I swear to you! — he screamed. I took his word for it. I could not imagine how the mere gesture of me getting up had so fueled the wrath of this demon. He was proving to be more and more savage and more difficult to control.

The stranger

The other guy seemed to be able to control him because David got out of the room. I almost felt safe but the stranger undressed and lay down on the bed, inviting me over him.

I had no idea what to do! I didn’t understand what he was asking me. It was all so confusing! But in the end, his preference for sex over him was highlighted.

Still, in fear, I listened to the instructions, but my clumsiness made the boy realize that I was not who David told I was. He stopped me, got dressed, and motioned for me to sit next to him at the edge of the bed.

Who are you? Answer me, don’t be afraid. Is your name Monica? No … Are you from Adjud? No … How old are you? Fourteen …

The stranger wrapped his head between his palms as he swerved out of the room, slamming the door hard behind him. Left on the edge of the bed, I could not determine the consequences of the revelations I made. Next, I could hear the screams coming from another room.

You mad bro? Why did you lie to me? She’s a minor! I’m a minor too! You idiot, how could you? Besides, she’s here against her will! Did she tell you that? No, but it’s clear. She was shaking all over. What the hell did you do to her? I didn’t make her anything. She’s just an idiot. Dude, if she goes to the police, I’ll screw up! She will not go to the police, she’s going to hell. She’s a whore, she wasn’t even a virgin.

The quarrel was getting harder and harder. The two of them were walking around the house and slamming the doors one by one.

Where did you put her clothes? You go and give them to her and send it from my house!

Humiliation and a bullet to die

David entered the room, throwing my clothes, urging me to put them on and leave. And I would have wanted nothing more at that moment when I felt my soul struggling in the alcohol of pain. Who I would never want to taste.

I was eager to get out of the house where I had lived the biggest nightmare I had ever had. And then he stopped me, put some money in my jacket pocket, and told me to wait for him in front of the boarding school. He humiliated me until the last moment, but I made no further gestures.

You know… all this it was so hard! With my soul disfigured, I was running in chaos down the street. I was running as if someone behind me was about to pull the trigger and kill me.

I thought I was running in vain.

It would have been more useful for a bullet to put an end to the deep sadness I felt. It was a clinging to my whole being, like a patch that does not do its job well but remains attached to the skin.

My footsteps grew heavier and heavier as if the earth had insisted on swallowing me. I was still propelled to the ground by a force I did not realize.

Broken and empty

Neither the road, nor the weather, nor the birds observed me, but especially I did not observe myself…

I had gone into a state of unrecognition. I sank slowly into the wave of life. I was hoping life to carry me somewhere on a desert island where my soul could be healed by the sun’s rays.

Disintegrating and being… I was just some kind of a ”nothing” walking. I was a null and a non-existent whole…

And that was just the beginning of my nightmare… Forgive me, but I must stop here because is so hard for me. This happened 18 years ago and it stills hurts so much. I promise that if you want, I will tell you the rest of this story.

Do you think can you tell me how I can regain my stolen innocence?

Written by Anaphielle