Absolut

You died in my dream last night.

There was no shock.

Your warm meat grey, featureless slid down garage wall

where you spilled sharp

stains of cheap vodka — or piss — clinging favorite grey sweatpants

to thick, near smooth, thighs

one by one your organs slumbered

sloshing asleep in ocean of poison

you’d been brining each

over bruised years

Last night in my dream you died.

I knew it without opening the door.

Still upright, spine not yet giving into collapse

short wide fingers clutching

plastic bottle and pooling green eyes

soundlessly frozen cracked open

as shattered ice

your final gaze was alone was blurred

succumbing before your lashes

kissed top to bottom, commingling

like we were, once

You died last night in my dream.

It was better this way in silence

never

having to get that call

screaming frenzy of dread

had you destroyed someone else

in haste neglect inebriation

giving up instead of giving in

letting qualms define you

you could rest

I would persist

In my dream you died last night.

I always anticipated panic.

But felt overflowing gratitude peace relief

you could not return this time

my breaths would pace themselves

terrors and musings

ripped asunder

no more fear no desperate waiting games

living in limbo

it would be

fine now

You died.

I awoke.

the grief slammed me sideways

because you are not dead

you are

alive

and that made me cry.

~

©DEF, 2019