About Me:The Extended Version

The dreaded depiction of self, in 300 characters or less did you say? My thoughts on these limitations and what they mean to me.

Don’t you think it’s difficult to describe yourself? Especially when you’re expected to do that in only a few lines.

In a few lines, you can list someone’s traits and the categories they fit into (I suppose), but is this the definition of who we are?

Countless thoughts and self reflections summed up in a few lines. Are you supposed to list the highlights or address the audience with what they want to hear?

My name is Celine, my parents chose this name for me in the spring of 94. It doesn’t tell you much about me but at least now you have a title and subheading for the list you are making in your head. I normally try to avoid stating my age, as it is often followed by statements and simultaneously thoughts of judgement. “Oh you look much younger”, “when we spoke, I thought you were closer to my age”, all your actions now judged and compared to the timeline of your life.

“You should have achieved more in your life by now” contra “Wow you’ve experienced so much more in your life than I had at your age”, a personal favourite of mine: “Time to have children now then!” Don’t worry, it’s nothing I haven’t heard before. I catch myself spiraling in the expectations of others and in these times, to ease my weary mind, I usually comfort myself by explaining how everything has it’s time, and that life is long. But sometimes a toxic thought creeps in, “what if?”. This is why I usually avoid stating the exact time I have existed on this planet, I give myself enough grief without your silent (or not so quiet) judgement, thank you.

Moving on, well, I am female. In person I don’t have to spell this out and while presenting my work and myself as a professional, I often fear exposing my gender because I want my work marked on its own merit and my person to be exposed without prejudice. No, I don’t want to have a private meeting with you at your beach house, no matter how much you praise my work, nothing can hide your objectifying glare.

I do not want you to compare yourself to me, I just want you to accept that we are not the same, we are incomparable and that’s special.

I am often plagued by the question “Where are you from?” I can tell you where I was born, which nationality I host in my passport, or maybe you want to know how many countries I’ve lived in? Am I sharing this with you as a conversation starter, or do you want to compare me to the people of these nations? I don’t relate to any of these countries, more often than not, they don’t relate to me and I can’t say I have any national pride to share with them.

I do not long for home, because to me home is everywhere and nowhere. The curse of a traveler’s soul, even this term is a loaded one! we all travel through the moments of our lives, I just have a tendency to change locations as well.

So what’s next? We’ve discussed my name (yes it’s the same as the Canadian singer, does that make me familiar now, stranger?) Yes, I am female and in my mid 20’s and no I don’t want to go on a date with you, I also don’t want children and will most probably sign only my initials on my credentials so that my work can be taken at face value (even though it was created by a woman) It’s only fair after all.

Shall we move onto the juicy stuff now? First, allow me to clarify, do you want my opinion on myself or the opinion of my closest companions and relations?

My friends and family might tell you that I am compassionate, intelligent and funny. Impulsive yet chilled, inspiring but also inspired, a reclusive creature and also a social butterfly. Is this helping you paint a pretty picture of me in your mind?

Allow me to add a few textures.

Sometimes I can’t stand myself, I linger on my actions and judge my opinions. Other times I am selfish enough to retreat to a world so far away that not even the physics and laws of our Earth can apply.

I love so hard that I lose myself in your sorrow and feel defeated when I cannot save you from the traumas and injustice of this world. I would rather endure them myself. Do I love you more than I love myself? Does this stem from the heartache I have endured, or does my empathy linger because I know what it’s like to wish for a way out? To pray for rescue.

Disregarding the past 20 something years and how this has shaped my character, I find joy in your smile, regardless of how much relevance you have to me, I absorb beauty, it is everywhere and we are all creators. Sometimes moments are depicted so perfectly through art, expression and actions. This sparks my longing for experience and to share my thoughts and perceptions with you too. I am someone who seeks inspiration and knows the chill of the shadows and so I focus on basking in the sunlight.

There is cruelty in our world, I’ve accepted this, it’s not my fault and it’s probably not your fault either. There are just things we cannot control.

Doesn’t it feel great to laugh, to dance, to express yourself, to just be. Undefined. Be present in a moment, unjudged, even by yourself?

Sure, I’ll tell you about me, but you have to let me know where in time the person I’m describing is. Right now, I’m here, I’m alive, I’m content and I’m curious to see what this moment and this day has in store.

Should we reminisce on the past, or build some new memories together?

P.s. Maybe I will post a more typical ‘about me’ after, or at least list some of my experiences so far, the things I am working on, and maybe i’ll even share with you some of my wishes for the future, if you’re really interested ;)