About Me — Rita Malone

I am using a pen name and here is why

Elsewhere on the internet, I write under my own name. I bear my soul. I lay it all out there. But here’s the thing. I’m a mother, and my first duty towards my children is to respect them. With that comes respecting their privacy.

I’ve always held back when writing about my experiences walking alongside my children as they encounter life. It’s not like I don’t have a lot to say. I do. Rather, I believe that children need to consent to having themselves and their stories identified on the internet.

This is especially true for marginalized kids. Our children are racialized. Our oldest is also autistic and a transgender girl. It isn’t my job to out their identities to the world. I do think it is important to write about these things though, to normalize them. Hence Rita Malone was born. I will be as true to our experiences as possible without leaving a trail of breadcrumbs back to my identity.

We are an autism-positive family. We reject ABA (the cousin of conversion therapy) and any notion that autism needs a cure or has “stolen” our children. That’s some icky eugenics stuff that is unfortunately super mainstream. One of the reasons I want to write about my kids and our experiences is to help reframe the narrative around autism. No neurotype is less than another.

Both my husband and I realized we are neurodivergent too after our kiddo’s diagnosis. Neither of us has an autism diagnosis (it’s expensive!) but we see ourselves in many of the associated traits.

My oldest is five. They were assigned male at birth. We’d found out the sex in utero but didn’t do the gender reveal thing. I remember after they were born, my doctor saying, “yup, he’s for sure a boy”. Funny how life can trick you like that.

As soon as they were able, at around three years old, our child told us in no uncertain terms that they were a girl. And they have never wavered from that.

“Mommy, why did you think I was a boy when I was born. I’ve always been a girl. You just didn’t know”.

“I made a mistake baby”.

Rita Malone is the pen name I will be using to talk about my parenting experiences. I’ll be using aliases for my kids too. I’ll refer to my five-year-old girl as (Theodore) Teddy and my three-year-old boy as Phoenix. Everything else will be authentic. I hope you will join us on this journey!

Rita Malone is a writer and parent. Follow along for an honest take on parenting. Autism. Gender. Snippets of family life coloring outside the lines. The pen name and aliases are to protect her children’s identities.

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