About Me — Mahein Kazi
What living in 4 countries has taught me about cultural identity
My Story
How do I best answer the all too familiar question “where are you from”? It’s a question I have been asked time and again and one I find challenging to answer.
“I am from Pakistan” doesn’t quite capture the entirety of my cultural identity, though I know it’s the answer most people are looking for.
I try to bring a little humour into the equation and quip in with an “Oh, I’m from Germany” (I am a German passport holder, so technically that is my nationality) or at times with “I’m from Canada” (which has been home to me for over a decade now, and where I currently reside with my family).
Neither one of these answers prove satisfactory and in most cases prompts further probing: “but where are you really from?”
When people meet me I can sense them trying to put me in a neatly labelled box.
It’s almost as if they have a preconceived notion of what an average Pakistani woman should look and act like, and it confuses them when I don’t conform.
The fact that I speak fluent German & have adopted many of the mannerisms from a long stint of nearly two decades of living in Bavaria, Southern Germany, confuses them even further.
The mention of Pakistan usually conjures up the erroneous one-dimensional image of radical extremism, a nation full of conservatively dressed Muslims, men in beards, women in hijab, living in traffic-choked cities, and eating spicy food.
Why is it that people instinctively compartmentalise based on broad stereotypes? So many nuances are lost to this instinctive desire to sort and label everything and everyone into tidy little labelled boxes distinct from each other. We forget that everything isn’t simply black and white. There happen to be many shades of grey in between.
Having lived abroad for nearly 30 years of my life, I feel like I have grown and adopted bits and pieces of every culture I have called home. As a travelling nomad, I was born in Lahore, Pakistan, but also spent part of my childhood in the United States — New York City, to be precise. Post-marriage, Germany, the Netherlands, and Canada are all places I have called home.
The Germans, in addition to being meticulous and methodical, are extremely punctual, which after the casual happy-go-lucky attitude in Pakistan, was a bit of a culture shock when I initially moved there with my husband in the early 90s.
In Pakistan, meeting up socially with friends and family was part of one’s daily routine — with many arriving ‘fashionably late’ at dinner parties, or turning up unannounced at your doorstep. It was a completely different way of life in Germany, where meetups were always arranged well in advance and timings were strictly adhered to.
If a child’s birthday party invite was from 2–4 pm, you could safely say that everyone would have arrived by 2:05 and left by 4:10! This respect for time is something I have always admired and now follow, which I attribute to my time in Germany.
Four years in the Netherlands added another layer to my personality: Of biking everywhere, loving the canals, ponds, and windmills, and the contagious happy smiles of the Dutch in general.
It also happens to be the birthplace of my youngest, who was lovingly given the nickname of ‘kaaskopf’ (Cheesehead) by dear friends in recognition of her love for cheese in true Dutch spirit.
To this day my eyes light up when I see ‘Gouda Kaas’, poffertjes (Dutch mini pancakes), or tulips anywhere!
Ever since we moved to Canada in 2011, I was struck, not only by its ethnic and cultural diversity but the harmony with which this cultural mosaic functioned. It is so easy to make this place ‘home’.
A decade of living here has made us adapt and change further. School pickups were inevitably followed by a quick run to a Tim Hortons drive-thru: the coffee and Timbits ritual, oh and the Poutine: for the life of me, I could never have imagined enjoying french fries with cheese curds and gravy before moving to Canada!
Wimbledon this year had me going hoarse, rooting for the Canadian duo of Auger-Aliassime and Shapovalov, watching with bated breath, praying for them to keep advancing!
All this, by way of explanation as to why “I am from Pakistan” seems to be an inadequate answer. Pakistan of course is a very large part of the puzzle forming my cultural identity, but I cannot deny the German, Dutch and Canadian pieces, which though smaller, are still very much part of the puzzle.
Most of us do not fit perfectly into a box. We are greater than the sum of our parts. There is no one-size-fits-all. It is our personal lived experiences that make our stories unique. As we meander through life, we change and grow, shaped by our experiences along the way.
So, perhaps a better question to ask could simply be “What’s your story?”
Work and Interests
Having gotten married at an early age, just shy of my twenty-first birthday, I left my hometown of Islamabad, Pakistan, accompanying my husband to Germany. Two of our three children were born there and in between, I managed to study, acquiring a degree in German, which led to my first job: teaching German as a foreign language for a short span before moving on to teaching Business English.
A four-year stint in The Hague followed — a truly memorable one and an important milestone…. Being home to over a hundred embassies, it introduced me to people from all walks of life and nationalities, shaping my outlook as a true global citizen. I also expanded my language base further and went on to learn Dutch till the birth of my third (and final!) child there.
The move to Canada was a big one.
The desire to be involved in community work, make a tangible difference in people’s lives, led me to volunteer: teaching new immigrants English, helping out at food banks, being a cultural ambassador, representing Pakistan, bringing about more awareness about our culture and traditions at various multicultural events.
This was followed by an extremely enriching, albeit challenging 4-year degree in Cognitive Science, a study of the mind and its processes.
I put some of the knowledge gained to good use and during the pandemic, started to volunteer with the Distress Centre of Halton.
I am truly amazed, for lack of a better word, at experiencing firsthand, just how widespread mental health issues are.
What makes me shudder, even more, is the fact that no age group seems to be exempt. People call in through their distress line for multiple reasons, e.g. battling loneliness, anxiety, depression, and a host of other mental health issues.
What I write about
I love to write about my lived experiences, lessons learned through travel, culture, nature, spirituality, ways to improve mental health, and how to help bridge differences, focusing on how we all are more similar than different. We just need to look at things from each other’s lens, from a place of mutual respect and the rest will take care of itself.
If you would like to connect with me, please follow me on Medium or reach out on:
A version of this article first appeared in Elephant Journal. Revised and edited for Medium.