About Me — Grimsby Hackney.

English Bloke.

I wasn’t really sure how to go about this and I’m not too keen on talking about myself. Maybe it’s some kind of English cultural awkwardness or something. So to make things easier I’m going to use the suggested questions list in the “Start Here” posting. Let’s go then.

Where are you from?

The clue is the first part of my pen name. It is a medium-sized, provincial town on the East coast of England, nestled in the Humber Estuary. Historically, (as far as anyone knows) it was originally a mere Iron Age settlement but grew during the 9th century as Danes (Vikings?) settled in the area. By the 12th century, the town had continued to grow to become a significant fishing and trading port. In the 1950s it was claimed that the port was the largest fishing port in the world. Since then the fishing industry has declined to nothing more than a fish market dealing in seafood from outside of the town.

What do you do for a living?

The clue here is the second part of my pen name. Here in England, we have a few different kinds of licensed taxis, but the original taxis were “Hackney Carriages”. The term Hackney carriage remains and is the only form of taxi fully regulated by the local government. I operate a Hackney Carriage. If you visit England your first choice of taxi should be a Hackney, after that you could use private hire (colloquially, Mini Cabs). Under no circumstances use Uber, they are the Devil’s chauffeurs.

What are your Medium goals?

At the time of writing (31/07/2022, sorry Americans this is how we do it and I’m never going to change to your wrong way) I am 15 days away from being 60 years old. I have always loved writing and would occasionally get things published in the local press. After many years of not writing my (and I am contractually bound to say this) brilliant author son, Lee David Tyrrell convinced me to get writing and join Medium. I don’t have grand goals, I’m just here to enjoy writing stories and finding interesting things to read. Seeing as I can’t play football (proper football, not that silly Grid Iron nonsense Americans have) anymore it gives me something to do and gets me out of the wife’s hair (so to speak).

Talk about your partner/kids/family!

I don’t want to talk too much about my family as they haven’t permitted me to do so. Therefore all I will say is what I have in my short profile bio; Taxi Driver. Husband to a woman. Dad to two men. Stepdad to two women and a man. Grandfather of all knowledge (according to one stepdaughter, and she doesn’t mean that as a compliment).

What makes you unique?

I’m not. Having said that, if there is another one of me out there I want him hunted down and executed. He would be a massive pain in the arse (USA translation: fanny. HaHa).

Any cool experiences?

I fell into a river, in the Norfolk Broads one October. By the time I clambered out I was much cooler than before I fell in. I guess that isn’t what you meant. During the 1990s I used to play gigs (me, guitar, covers of proper musicians’ playlists). I would often get support slots for some great bands from my youth e.g. The Selecter, The Vibrators, Eddie and the Hotrods, John Cooper Clarke, and so on. Great times they were.

Which topics do you like to write about on Medium?

I like to write some biographical stuff, mainly about single-life events, within which I try to inject some humour. The thing I like the most is writing short fast-paced fictional stories.

Overall my work is best described as brutally violent, extremely profane, surreal, British horrific comedy, that features lots of death and terrible injury. And that’s just the memoir stuff, some people might find my fiction unreadable. Trust me, I don’t say that lightly.

What pets do you own?

Two cats. Lucky is the mother of the second cat, Lizzy. There are two spiders in my utility room that I have developed a relationship with, of late. They come out and sit on their webs and, when I go in there, I blow on them (air that is) and they scurry back behind the worktop, only to come back out when the coast is clear. That’s been going on for about six weeks now.

Where have you travelled to in the world that resonated with you?

The Stone Circle at the Glastonbury Festival 2003 on a Saturday morning. I had just shared some Nug with my eldest son and his girlfriend. There was a bloke walking around with a bucket shouting “E’s for breakfast” and someone was playing “Wish You Were Here” on an acoustic guitar. My son took a photo of me and I’ve never had such a serene look on my face ever before or after.

Example of a biographical article:

Example of fiction, which is, brutally violent, extremely profane, surreal, British horrific comedy, that features lots of death, terrible injury, and disgusting gutter sex acts.