About Me — David Fixter

Learning a new way late in life

Hi, I’m Dave and I’m a sugar addict.

Audience: Hi Dave!

Yeah, I felt like I needed a little levity before getting to the TL;DR section. I can’t help myself. I’m just built that way.

I’m full of bad jokes and puns at the most inopportune moments.

Early life

I was born and raised in the south suburbs of Chicago. I still live in what I consider the south suburbs of Chicago, but now I live across the border in Indiana.

I had an average childhood in the area I lived in. Not rich, yet not poor. We had what we needed. A roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, and clothes on our backs.

Oh yeah, let’s not forget about big dogs. Every kid needs a big dog to play with.

As I look back, one of my major problems was my need for attention. I starved for it and did some really foolish and silly things to get it. I’m still that way to some degree. I still crave attention, but I’m also alright about being by myself.

I was also what my pediatrician called a hyper child. In today’s world, I would have been diagnosed with ADHD. This has carried over into my adult life as well.

One thousand things run through my head at once with no way to stop them except when I sleep. It's a struggle to focus on one thing at a time unless the topic completely grabs my attention.

Growing up I wanted to be Fred Astaire. I wanted to dance with his kind of smoothness and ease. I wanted to sing. I wanted to be able to put both together in one package and make people smile. Help them forget their troubles for a short time.

That didn’t happen.

My parents put a trumpet in my hands and told me I could be Dizzy Gillespie instead. Well, that sounded like fun. I could learn to play the Big Band music my dad loved so much.

Yeah, OK.

I struggled to play the trumpet. I was OK with it. My biggest problem was memorization. I could play most things from a written page of music without much difficulty, but I was unable to memorize or improvise.

Once I graduated high school, I put the trumpet in its case and never played it again.

After high school

To say that I’ve blundered through life after high school would be an understatement.

College didn’t work out for me. I was more focused on working to pay for college and being with my high school sweetheart than college itself. Studying took a backseat. I eventually dropped out and my high school sweetheart dumped me.

I ended up in a bartender school in 1988 and spent 14 years, on and off, as a bartender.

During that time, I met my ex-wife when I tried to go back to college. I moved away from home only to be divorced a few years later. I even started my own business selling costumes and shoes to strippers.

Yeah, everyone gets a good laugh at that.

By 2002 I had lost everything and moved back home with my parents. It was perfect timing for both of us. My dad was sick and not getting better.

I restarted my life. I learned I had a good voice when one of my new friends dragged me to a karaoke show. Everyone said I sounded like Frank Sinatra and wanted more.

Well, that definitely filled my need for attention.

I immersed myself in searching for karaoke and backtracking music for Sinatra songs. I soon amassed a large collection of the best Sinatra background music I could find.

I practiced his vocal style from his studio recordings. Once I learned Sinatra’s studio styling, I studied his live performances. Soon I was singing Frank Sinatra tribute shows in bars and restaurants.

Life was looking up. I had something to look forward to. I was happy.

Funny how life can change in the blink of an eye.

The caregiving years

My dad died in 2006. Nine months later my mom had a massive stroke. I was standing right next to her when it happened.

Well, that threw a monkey wrench into life.

I was hoping for the best. I figured in two years mom would be back on her feet, living a normal life. The neurologist told me that wasn’t going to happen. He was right.

I quit my job and performed my last Sinatra tribute show on December 31, 2007.

For the next 12 years, I was my mom’s sole caregiver.

I describe those years as the hardest job I ever had. I got thrown into it with no idea what I was doing.

Every day was a learning experience. Like learning how young children aren’t the only ones who need to have their butts wiped.

Somehow I got through it. I’m still here and am able to laugh about it.

Life after caregiving

Mom’s body gave out in 2019. I needed to figure out what I was going to do next.

My only desire was to make people smile. I decided to resurrect my Frank Sinatra tribute show. This time I would concentrate on performing in senior centers and nursing homes.

I had gotten almost everything together in 2020 when life threw another couple of crazy twists.

Yup, covid shut everything down. Even when businesses started reopening, we needed masks.

Have you ever tried to sing while wearing a mask? It doesn’t work out very well.

Let’s not forget my target audience was senior centers and nursing homes. They had canceled any outside entertainment with no information as to when they would start booking anything.

Major life turn — every day is a new learning experience

March of 2021 was when life started taking a major turn which ultimately led me to Medium.

I ended up in the hospital for a week. Acute pancreatitis triggered by gallstones. This also caused a giant pseudocyst to form in my abdomen. Very painful.

Five months and multiple surgical procedures later, that was cleared up.

Or was it?

Some of us who have had our gallbladders removed know there are some side effects involving the need to run to the bathroom in a hurry.

Fast forward four months. I was in the hospital again. This time, I needed a heart valve replacement and a double bypass.

Somehow, I cheated death twice in a one-year timespan. Yes, I was told each time I was that close.

All of this kept me off my feet for over a year. I was either in too much pain or too tired to do anything.

Yet, somehow, I was able to keep a level head about it all. Sure, there were times I allowed it to affect my mood. There were times I felt I might be better off dead. But those times were few in occurrence.

It surprised my family and friends that I wasn’t wallowing in self-pity. Surprised I was still trying to figure out a future for myself. What I could do to bring home an income and put food on the table.

I had come to realize that I was no longer who I used to be and never would be again. I needed to figure out how to work with what could be my new normal. I also needed to treat every day as a new learning experience to see what works for me and what doesn’t.

I needed some sort of future now that I’m in my mid-50s and no longer able to do physical labor.

Going forward

That’s when writing came into the picture. I was sucked in by watching the YouTube videos of the happy writers who claim to make millions by freelancing. I immersed myself in reading, learning, and watching more videos.

When I got down to it, though, I found writing more difficult than I had thought and was led to believe.

Remember that undiagnosed ADHD I mentioned earlier? I found out that what, supposedly, took these happy writers an hour to do, would take me 5–6 hours. My brain won’t let me sit and type until I can’t type anymore. I have to take multiple breaks.

For some reason, though, I refuse to give up this time. I know anything worth doing takes time and effort. You have to start at the bottom and work your way up.

You have to suck until you don’t.

For now, most of my writing centers around my personal experiences in caregiving and humor. I will branch out in the future. For now, those are what I know and they will be a good training ground until I become better and more experienced.

Final thoughts

Well, this is interesting. When I embarked on this About Me, I was staring at a blank page wondering what I should say. Now it’s over 1400 words and I’m wondering if I’ve said too much or not enough.

The idea was to let everyone know a little about me to build a little trust. I hope I’ve accomplished that.