Abandoned

Connecting to my 12-year-old self through a poem

Without a light or warmth in sight And no one there to heed my plight I look for a morsel of the truth For this pain that you can’t soothe

I wonder where you’ve gone If you’ll be back by dawn When sorrow and pain manifest Through the pressure in my chest

I need to understand why Each time you choose to die I am abandoned in your room Until you chase away the gloom

When I was visiting my brother in Athens, he would often leave me alone or with his flatmate during his most intense drug using phases.

His flatmate (who, I think, was also using drugs) was a very nice person and always made sure to take care of me.

But whenever my brother would leave for the night, I would always feel scared. Mainly because I could understand that he wasn’t well.

In hindsight, this could have been resolved if I had told my brother about the way I felt. I was concerned that if I was honest, he would think that I was too needy. I definitely didn’t want him to think of me as a burden.

The good thing is that now I can connect with and soothe the scared 12-year-old in me. Moreover, I am not afraid anymore to talk about the way I feel.

Even though this poem was written more than a year ago, I felt that now is a good time to publish it.

It’s a way for me to make sure that my inner child knows it’s being heard. But also, I feel that maybe there is someone out there who needs to read it and feel less alone and less scared.

Things get better :)