Stop Complaining About Everything in Life

Shut up and live for once

Tony Soprano complains about everything to his therapist in the legendary show The Sopranos. But do you know what’s the one phrase Tony has said the maximum number of times by far in the entire show?

“What are you gonna do?”

This was his go-to line when someone close to him died. This was his response when his mother Livia passed away and people expressed their condolences to him.

“What are you gonna do?” is a pretty good attitude to have. I use that line all the time in my everyday life. “What are you gonna do?” is obviously a rhetorical question. Ironically, asking a rhetorical question is an effective way to end a conversation.

Complaining about our problems to someone regardless of how close they are, is not exactly a turn-on. When you complain about your problems, does it turn you on?

I get it. You want to vent your rage when the weather isn’t ideal, when your doctor tells you that you have stage 4 lung cancer, when your spouse cheats on you with your best friend, when your coffee gets cold quickly, when your sports team loses without even putting up a fight.

Venting does alleviate stress and anxiety. Venting is a coping mechanism for many. Apparently, venting has two categories. Positive venting and negative venting. Positive venting reduces stress while negative venting leads to — SURPRISE — heightened stress.

Research says it’s not just about the person venting, but equally important, the person who’s hearing the vent. You want someone to listen. You want to feel heard. You don’t even need a verbal response. You just badly need to vent.

But here’s the thing — Has venting ever solved your problems for good? Do you ever think about how your venting influences the person who’s listening to you just to make you feel better?

If venting did solve your problem for good, it wasn’t a problem in the first place. It was dumb of you to consider something as a problem. It was also so very clever of you to solve the very problem by venting.

Ask yourself this core philosophy of Stoicism:

Is this something I can control?

Can you? Then do something about it. Anything. Stop complaining. You can’t do anything about it? Too bad. Complaining isn’t gonna solve it either. It’s not productive. I’m tired of complaining. Aren’t you?

Don’t get me wrong. I complain, too. For instance, ironically, I am complaining that people are complaining all the time. Do you see? Complaining is contagious.

I preach because I’ve found that preaching to people is incredibly beneficial to me in the long run. Surprisingly, I find myself practicing what I preach on numerous occasions.

I hardly complain. I do take a dig at people and culture in the form of genuine humor. Even when I do, I’m conscious of it. Are you conscious of it when you complain?

Because I do self-reflection as much as I can, I silently hate myself for the next two hours until I eventually forget about what I complained about. Self-reflection is necessary. It’s a shame not many people do self-reflection. If they did, the world would be a much better place.

We all have problems, one way or another. Nobody is disregarding them. Don’t let me belittle your problems.

When you play poker, you have to pretend like you have good cards, especially when you have horrible cards. That’s the only way you can bluff your way out. Imagine if you complain you have horrible cards to everyone sitting at the table.

Whether we like it or not, this is our life. ONLY life, arguably. We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand. The best we can do is enjoy the game to the fullest by trying our best.

When we’re playing the game wholeheartedly, maybe we have a chance to bluff successfully because we would be finding the best solution to win it instead of complaining. At worst, we would’ve actually played the game.

This is not at all about pretending to be living happily. This is about accepting reality. That’s the only way we can reach closure. That’s how we can be at peace. I’ll take peace over happiness any day of the week.

Just because I don’t complain, it doesn’t mean I have a perfect life. My life is far from ideal. But I am at peace because I’ve accepted it.

If you’re over 25, you still find yourself complaining about life, did you even learn anything about life? Have you not learned by now life is not fair? It never was. It never will be. Accept it. Sometimes all we can do is pick up the pieces and move on.

Who am I kidding? If you’re over 25, you’re the one who complains the most.

Sometimes I say to people, “Horrible weather!” As soon as I said it, I can’t help but ask myself — “Did I just complain about the weather or did I merely make a statement about the weather?”

Oh, I definitely complained. That was not merely a statement. By being conscious of all my complaints, however little they are, I prevent myself from complaining completely. I happily accept everything as it is, as long as I can’t do anything about it. It’s oddly liberating.

I urge you to do this — Just for 24 hours, try not to complain about anything/anyone, however horrible your cards are. PLEASE DO NOT — I repeat — DO NOT complain about not being able to complain for a day. See if you can make it out alive.

Don’t write/text about your problems. If you do, it should be merely a statement. You can joke about it, though, if it’s genuine humor.

If you’re alive after a day without complaining, you will feel different — for the better. You will start to let go slowly. You will feel free, as time progresses. Make it a habit.

If you even think for a second that I’m an optimist, I’d be offended. All I’m trying is not to be a pessimist. There is a difference.

Ignore the people and things that bring negative energy into your life — at all costs. Even if it’s you. Especially if it’s you.

Shut up and play the game in the best way possible. Live for once — instead of being dumb enough not to appreciate everything you do have in your life.

When you do lose the game eventually because someone called your bluff, tell them this with a wide smile — like you’re the mafia don who owns the building:

What are you gonna do?

Check out this incredibly beautiful piece by the adorable Stephanie Wilson: