Why I Detached Myself From Male Attention Seekers

Severing ties with ‘women centering men’ is the best thing for your sanity and safety.

Lately, social media has been blowing up about women detoxifying the male gaze and some have reported loving themselves more and having better choices in their relationships.

However, some women are still hungry for male attention. It would seem that some habits do not die easily. These women will do anything for love and relationships, including backstabbing their friends.

Having a friend who centers male attention can be both dangerous and exhausting because they cannot think for themselves without a man’s approval.

Some feel that if they are not desired by men then there is something wrong with them.

I have made it a habit of cutting ties with things and people that are not healthy for my well-being. If my friends can’t focus their lives around themselves, then they are not fit to be around me.

I’ve come to understand that the majority of female friends I’ve removed from my life are those who center their lives around men. These women are harmful and will suck the living daylight out of you.

They see you as their energy source but will not return the same support when you need them. So watch out for the following women and keep your distance from them if you want to live longer.

#1. Women who thrive on male attention

In a world that constantly bombards women with unrealistic standards of beauty and success, it’s no wonder women seek attention. Attention becomes a means of social validation, reinforcing their worth and boosting their self-esteem.

Being friends with a male attention seeker can be dangerous because they make you a temporary enemy at any time.

Once had a friend who dissed me whenever we were in the midst of guys. One day, we went to a mutual friend’s birthday party. I didn’t know anyone there except the host and the friend I went with.

We were at our table when four guys asked if they could join us. The conversation started rolling, then my friend turned to me and said “Did you brush your teeth this morning? Your mouth stinks when you laugh.”

I was enraged.

How could she humiliate me in front of strangers this way?

We came to the party in my car and we had been chatting for at least 45 minutes before the guys joined us. She didn’t notice my stinking mouth then until now?

This was the first time I knew she was an attention seeker. I tried to hide the embarrassment and said “Of course, I did. Are you sure is not your mouth you are perceiving seeing I’m five feet away from your face?”

I wasn’t even sitting next to her. There were two guys between us but she chose to pick on me.

Everyone at the table started laughing. I guess they sensed what was happening. My friend stood up and left. She never returned to the table and I didn’t bother looking for her.

I was surprised when two of the guys at our table said they noticed how she was drawing attention to herself. She kept ordering the waiters around and making side talks about other guests.

It seems the attention she was given wasn’t enough so she tried to upset me so I would leave the table.

Unfortunately, her plan backfired. I stayed and enjoyed the rest of the party but that was the end of our friendship.

#2. Women who sacrifice too much for a man

To date, Lucy and I aren’t talking because she feels ashamed for not taking my advice after I told her that her love-sick boyfriend wasn’t unworthy.

When I first met Lucy, I knew she was everything a man wanted in a woman. She was humble, family-oriented, hardworking, sincere, reserved, intelligent and beautiful.

Lucy thought she had met the perfect guy for her. He promised to be honest and loyal to her for as long as he lived. But my friend, Lucy had no idea that she was being played.

Her ex was a classic manipulator. While they were dating, he convinced Lucy to create a joint account with him so they could save up for their future house and wedding.

Lucy was working with a bank and was earning five times more than the guy. When she told me about her plan to transfer all her savings into a joint account with her boyfriend (later her husband), I told her that would be her biggest mistake.

First off, she wasn’t married to the guy yet. Secondly, he didn’t have a steady job. As far as I knew, he was an agent of whatever business he could find. According to my friend, sometimes he didn’t earn a dime in two months.

Lucy was the one paying their rent, feeding, clothing and other bills. She was so much in love with the man and didn’t care how much it cost to keep the relationship.

Since my advice didn’t align with her values, she decided to keep her distance from me. We stopped talking. Whenever we ran into each other we occasionally waved and said hi.

After a while, I stopped seeing her. I learned she had moved to another city after her marriage. She married her boyfriend and they have a son from the marriage. Everything seemed to going great for her and she deserved it.

One day, I got a call from an unknown number. It was Lucy. She wanted us to meet. I hadn’t heard from her in two years so I was surprised judging from how we ended our friendship. Whatever it was must be so important for her to drive all the way from Austin to see me in Texas.

We met a the coffee shop close to my workplace. As I suspected, she was desperate. She was neck deep in debt. Her husband had borrowed money from the bank, and she was on the verge of losing her house. The only asset left to show her years of hard work.

He had emptied their account on gambling and now she has filed for a divorce but she needed to clear the mortgage or lose the house too.

She wanted me to borrow her eighty grand for her next instalment or the bank would proceed to auction her house. Unfortunately, I didn’t have that kind of money. My modelling career was still struggling at that time to cough out eighty thousand dollars.

Even if I did have the money, I still wouldn’t give it to her because she had no means of paying me back. She had been fired from the bank due to several issues of theft. And the business she started with her husband was crumbling too.

I told her the best thing she could do was to sell the house to pay off the bank and use the little that would be left to start a small business.

Again she ignored my advice.

She even accused to of being a bad friend. She made a lot of defamatory statements that made me lose respect for her.

I found out much later that she lost her business, divorced her husband, and almost lost custody of her son because she didn’t have the means to raise him. She had to move to Michigan, with her parents who took custody of her son.

#3. They never give their attention

Toxic female friends can be a pain in the ass. If you are investing so much in your friend and she’s not investing as much, it can be distressing and challenging.

Friendships should bring excitement, joy, and adventure into your life.

However, if your friend does not offer the same effort you give, you may feel hurt, left out, or unloved. These feelings are painful and necessary.

Cherry was my best friend in 8th grade. When I met her, I thought she was a super nice and cool girl. She was the type of girl when she saw someone getting picked on, she would step in right away and defend the person. It didn’t take long till we became bffs.

She could be a ball of fun in some moments and was supportive of others. Unfortunately, her bad qualities gradually overshadowed the good and everything ended up tumbling downhill when we entered pre-university.

Whenever Cherry needed a shoulder to cry on or some outlet to vent all her frustrations, I always willingly gave her genuine concern and words of advice because she didn’t make the best of friends in school, and I knew I was the only one of her two close friends who could provide her with some solace.

When it came to me, however, she never truly acknowledged it, and instead of returning the moral support I needed, went on a tangent about herself and how her life was so difficult and how her boyfriend was “so goddamn annoying” that day. To me, conversations with her always felt one-sided.

If I complained about my boyfriend disrespecting me, she would find a way to justify his actions and would be like “Girl, you need to chill, it’s not that serious,” or “You know how guys are. I’m sure he didn’t mean it that way.”

Her advice over boys often made me look like I was being oversensitive. And if we weren’t talking about boys, she would cut me off and make the conservation about her.

Eventually, my friendship with her simply became so emotionally draining that I decided to distance myself from her to salvage what was left of my sanity.

Cherry then caught on and got angry at I was ghosting her. I finally had the courage to have a long heart-to-heart talk about her toxic behavior.

When I asked her if she was aware of everything she was doing, she said “Yes.”

It baffled me how someone could do all of those things consciously and still refuse to believe they could be in the wrong. After that day, I maintained my distance and severed all ties when I lost her contact.

#4. They put your life in danger

These women often end up with loser partners who are scammers, violent and narcissistic. And they will try to convince you that abuse is not really an offence if the guy loves you.

I remember in my first year in the university, I became friends with one Latino girl whose personality at its core can command attention in a room. She was confident, outgoing and can always be relied upon to break the ice in awkward situations.

One Friday night, we went to a Latino party together with my roommate who happened to be a Latino too. The three of us were about the same age.

I was very insecure at that time, but we promised to look out for each other. And they should give me a heads up if they notice anything funny since they understood Spanish and I didn’t.

As a freshman, we were usually the target for suckers. I have heard stories of girls who got drugged or raped at parties. So being on guard was the wise thing to do.

When we got to that party, some guy started hitting on my friend. She left the room with him, or so I thought. My roomie and I mingled with other guys.

After a while, I noticed my friend wasn’t back. I signalled my roomie to meet me in the bathroom. We started calling my friend but her number was unavailable. We left a voicemail asking where she was.

We continued searching all the rooms on the floor where the party was hosted. We had almost given up and were about to leave to check if she had gone home when I got a call from a strange number.

It was her. She was crying and asked us to pick her up from a location two blocks from where the party was.

When we got there, the atmosphere was filled with the stench of heroin and alcohol. The men we saw in the lobby were looking rugged as if they were waiting to devour someone.

I told my roomie that I was not going up there without letting someone know where we were.

She agreed.

We went back to the party and called two of the guys we met for help. We were lucky the guys were nice and they followed us back to the place to get my friend. They even escorted us back to the hostel to be sure we got home safely.

Women who love men too much give their whole self plus more to their partner. They spend all their money on a man. They go through tremendous pain for a man.

They wait patiently, they endure, and they justify and defend anything and everything even when the man is wrong.

You don’t want such women around you because they are chaotic and don’t provide sensible advice.

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