A Wellspring of Emotion

A Poem

A wellspring of emotion is patiently waiting under the surface of my stoic facade As if the dam could burst at any moment and turn tears into rivers into oceans and a sea Yes, this wellspring of emotion is just me

Riddled with loss and parentless for so long My soul wanders aimlessly for a hand to hold Everything builds inside of me, the water filling me up until my mouth leaks and tiny droplets of emotion fall out

Some days I think it could be a geyser when I finally let it all out from inside but I know just how good it will feel to finally let go and allow myself to spit mouth to lake, so devastatingly true and not fake

A wellspring of emotion lies in wait because I captured it long ago and held it in jail, behind bars, partitioned from self, unseen by others so jealous of all those with mothers

The pressure is mounting, almost too much to bear years of sadness entwined in misplaced self-care I often wonder to myself if it’s even worth it, if I should even take the time to bother, when all I see is the hole from the loss of my father

I could cry for a week, a month, or a year and it wouldn’t put a dent in what I’ve held the sadness of loss put forth to happiness as I moved from parentless to parent and all of my dreams became more apparent

Two children, grown to this large size ready to fly the coop and make their own way leaving me behind, a lonely mess, tattered but so painfully proud, and scared, and proud They will take my identity with them

The same wellspring of emotion pushes on the corners of my heart because as much as I’ve lost, as much as I’ve gained, nothing fills me up more than this I got them here and now I must let them go

And when they go, here I will sit a shadow of what I thought I was or maybe, just maybe, I will become me again and I will use this wellspring of emotion to bring me back to life

© Jonathan Greene 2020

If you liked this, you might like this as well: