A Journey Through Loss and Rediscovery: Finding Motivation in the Next Chapter of Life

Preamble:

3 January 2018 at 19:31

Once upon a time, I looked forward to this year – the year my youngest child would turn 18, stepping into her own adult life. For almost twenty-three years, I dedicated the majority of my time to raising my children, providing for them, and preparing them for the real world. I thought this would be a time for me to pursue things I’ve always enjoyed and wanted to do, but had to put aside to prioritise my children. They have always been my top priority, and I’ve strived to make decisions in their best interest, even if they were not always the right ones. Nevertheless, they have always been my motivation.

But now, I find myself wondering, who will be my motivation?

There is no reason why my children can’t continue to be my motivation, even as they lead their own lives.

Though it feels like my two older children don’t need me as much as my youngest, of course, they still need me in their own ways. I must find out how to support them without interfering and recognise the value of my presence in their lives.

I don’t want to live without one of them, but I understand I need to find happiness in order to carry on living without her physically here.

I used to consider myself a strong person, though not as strong as my mum. However, the last few years, especially the last 18 months, have broken me. Struggling to breathe, get up, and take each step forward, I pretend to be okay, and it seems like everyone around me believes it too. But the truth is, I don’t think I’ll ever be okay. Nevertheless, I know I have to try for myself and those I care about.

Feeling so alone, I turn to my faith. While some may not believe in God, for me, He is the one who has been there for me every step of the way. He listens to me every day, answers my prayers, and carries me through these difficult times. There is no other explanation for why I’m still here, trying to carry on living.

I never could have imagined this year would come with my baby, my youngest child, not here with me. Now, the things I used to enjoy only bring sadness, and I’ve lost my motivation.

For the past 18 months, I’ve wanted to start writing a blog, but I never felt it was the right time until today.

Why today? Well, I met a lady while volunteering this morning, who has her own blog. She told me that getting started is always the hardest thing to do. Waiting for the right time is futile; you just have to start.

So here we are… embarking on this new journey together.

I hope you will follow me, share your thoughts or experiences, and join me on this transformative journey.

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Thank you so much for reading.

Sending you lots of love and positivity.x.x.x.

Honeybee🌷🐝

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