Pandemic Diaries
A Tragedy Happened: Death of a Loved One
When will we choose to become self-aware to stop tragedies from happening? or will it become another regret?
What is Regret!?
“That heartwrenching, tear jerking, emotional outburst, and outcry for having to prevent such an outcome that just leaves you in sheer agony and despair.” — A Shattered Hope.
This pandemic is becoming a hell on earth, perhaps not as I visualized. I have always thought of loss, as the most extreme form of hardship there is. Thus, I have always mentally prepared myself for what might come as a tragic incident. This entire situation has caused me an immense amount of grief, stress, and depression.
“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral’s Kiss
Though it seems as if I will be alright, it is an understatement that it is going to be easy for any of us, to prepare for the kinds of loss that await us.
My Uncle died two days ago, but he didn’t die of COVID-19, his life met a tragic end at the hands of fate and the cruel webbing it unfolds for some of the poorest souls. He was my father’s childhood friend, they practically grew up together. So you can understand how close they were. As my uncle said to me once,
“You don’t know your father, as I have, My Boy, you should have looked at him when he was all youthful and shining like the brightest of stars in the darkest of days.”
My father shared a very intimate relationship with my uncle. They were the best of pals, I still remember the first time I met him, almost a decade ago. He was as kind and bold as any gentleman could be. He had a firm handshake and welcomed me with an embrace. He seemed like an awesome fellow, and he felt like he had met a close friend.
“Every father should remember one day his son will follow his example, not his advice.” — Charles Kettering
So I felt an amazing energy from him, I have known and met some of my father’s friends. Of how they speak of my dad is in volumes, and yeah my dad is a savior for many people when he was young. He’s like an OP protagonist of an anime, all shinning, generous, and welcoming. Thus, you can fairly imagine what his friends would be like, people from all places and backgrounds. But my uncle shared a very close bond, unlike most people with my father.
My father tells me stories of how much influence they, and their fellows had garnered when they were young, perhaps my age. Their stories seem like, the most moving of anecdotes that have their suspense and charm towards them. But who knew fate would seem to not favor his dear loving brother and friend.
It was 2019 perhaps, My Uncle was planning a trip with his family, they were pretty joyous about the whole event. They went on a camping trip, and It was an awesome time spent with his wife, son, and daughter. They were driving in a Toyota Hilux, as the car was both adaptable to the hilly areas and it was both suited for their luggage and travel needs.
On their way back, they met a very tragic accident — the car had crushed downwards flat killing his wife and son who bled on the spot, meanwhile, his daughter had a concussion which later on caused severe trauma, from which she went mad. My Uncle struggling to hold his family together, crying in agony as he saw his beloved son and wife die before his eyes, brutally in an accident that cost him everything he ever loved.
The concussion severely damaged his daughter, and the trauma she faced with losing her mother and brother made her extremely psychologically ill. She went mad afterward. Seeing this, it broke my Uncle’s heart. My father rushed to meet him as soon as he got the news, and my father stayed there until he felt some ease, he didn’t.
My father kept in contact, with him afterward. My Uncle would weep on call every day, talking about how he lost everything. My Uncle was a very notable person in the Banking Sector, and he had achieved much in his life. But what good are statuses and money, when you lose parts of yourself in such a horrible manner? No amount of money and leisure can replace that feeling of hopelessness.
“He used to weep, every night! He said, once he is trying to get his daughter to become well so that she can get married and live a better life, so he could be at peace with what he has left.”
This took a toll on his health, and there are nights my father would feel depressed, and he went through a lot of his own life’s tragedies in that past year. I believe fate for all of my peers were making us ready to face yet another event like COVID-19, but fate is cruel and thus it took my uncle on June 2nd, 2020.
HE DIED FROM A HEART ATTACK! ALL THAT SUFFERING, AGONY AND DESPAIR FILLING HIS HEART AND SHATTERING IT, CAUSING AN IMMENSE AMOUNT OF GRIEF AND MISERY TOOK A TOLL ON HIM, AND HE DIED, LOSING HIS WILL TO LIVE, LEAVING THIS HELL OF A LIFE…
We traveled a few months back, to my father’s hometown and stayed there for a day or two. We couldn’t sadly meet him, and thus perhaps we believe we weren’t able to save him. It is a regret, that we do carry just like many regrets we carry in our life.
“We pass through this world but once. Few tragedies can be more extensive than the stunting of life, few injustices deeper than the denial of an opportunity to strive or even to hope, by a limit imposed from without, but falsely identified as lying within.” ― Stephen Jay Gould, The Mismeasure of Man
This pandemic is going to steal every single one of the people we love and it’s not going to be just the ones who are near to us, the person you connected through online means, through Facebook, through any network or communication technology there is. Get in Touch.
They are going to die if we aren’t careful. Every single one of us is at risk. This pandemic is just another plague, people’s lives have been meeting tragic ends since before this pandemic arrived. This virus is just speeding up the process.
We have to learn from this tragedy. My father couldn’t even bury his friend because he wasn’t allowed to because of this pandemic.
Imagine you can’t hold your brother, lover, sister, mother, daughter, son, elder, friends; family in your arms one last time to even grieve, this pandemic is going to steal that right from you!
This regret has given me an insight to not let the many people in my life, become a victim of this carelessness that we can’t connect with one another during this crisis. We have phones, We have video calls, we have means to connect with the people we love, so we need to do just that. We need to share the hope of survival with one another. It’s just not about you and me, it’s about all of us and the people we love, and vice-versa.
What about his daughter, well she had lost all her senses and perhaps someday she might even break free from this hell of a prison. Life isn’t all that the media tells you, instead of panicking make the most of it with what you have, share your food, love, care, and even your warmth with someone, anyone. Otherwise, many of us are going to lose the people we love.
We cannot prepare for such an ordeal, that will break us to our core at such an alarming rate but we can try to make the most of what we have with everyone around us.
I believe we should be grateful for the hugs, embraces, and even the presence we receive from everyone around us. We are very fortunate, and thus we need to build a system of connecting with one another to prevent further tragedies to unfold.
All of us have had experiences of grief and hardship. Let us rejoice in the memory of the people we love, adored, and reminisce. We can share our strength with one another, thus preventing someone to feel so lonely that they feel like losing their grip on life itself.
I will miss you Uncle, and I’m sure everyone who loved you, like my father, your family we miss you! and I hope to meet you someday, and tell you that I survived and also I conquered and I never let despair get the best of me! ❤ Perhaps your soul now rests in purgatory, I know that you are at peace! Rest well, someday we will all unite as one on the precipice of creation.
“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly — that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” ― Anne Lamott
Remember, it is going to be alright! Be sure to reach out to anyone! We are all in this together, you and I. I hope and pray everyone who took the time reading this is blessed with hope, and the courage to face all insurmountable amount of odds that await them. All of us can do it, this is just another fight we have to face, persevere, and conquer together.
We have had tougher challenges in life and we ain’t gonna quit ever, never!
Peace, Love, and Happiness onto you! ❤
