A Tonic of Wildness, Do You Need One?
A writing prompt that fuels a discovery in me.
Once upon a time I was pure chaos. Well, maybe I wasn’t pure chaos, but there was a lot more chaos in me than there is now. In ways, I wish I could be that wild girl again. A woman who is willing to go somewhere at the drop of a hat. A woman who didn’t worry about following all the rules society places on us.
Adventuresome
Once upon a time I was fun, I lived life to the fullest of the life that was my world. It was fun. I was willing to go on an adventure of a lifetime, leaving everything behind to go half way around the world. All to discover if the love I met online was truly the love of my life.
I went to Australia for a year. The adventure was amazing. His native country is beautiful. Full of wonderful people. I brought some of that back with me. My husband. He truly is the love of my life. He left it all behind, in order to come home with me.
Safety?
As I look back on my life these past 20 years, I wonder what changed me. Have I always been the careful person I am now? That woman full of chaotic energy, was she just a phase? Someone who wanted to escape my childhood dangers? Now that I’m older, do I want the safety of rules that I had to make in order to be safe? Again?
I wonder how much I miss that carefree woman. I wonder how much my husband misses that carefree woman he met so long ago.
Rebel?
As I ponder this question, I truly wonder if I miss it because it’s different from who I am now? Or do I miss it because I want to rebel against the life I have now. Now I am full of rules. I need, or at least I think I need, schedules. Things to be the way I want to them to be. I want control of my day. I wonder how much control I could have with the chaotic self from decades ago. Could I be that woman while living this life?
Is there still a bit of that chaos inside wishing to burst forth? Is that why I feel the need to control so much? Am I afraid of the chaos? And if so, why? Why would I want to curtail her love of life? Her curiosity? Her love of change?
I can see there still is a bit of her inside, I still love change, as long as it’s on my terms. Not on others’.
A tonic of wildness
With this realization comes a bit of an epiphany, I think a little chaos is good. Perhaps this would be good for me to explore. Perhaps I can combine that woman of old who loved to have fun with the woman of today who wants to be safe in her little cocoon.
Perhaps just a dram of a tonic of wildness is something we all need to have in our lives.
