Summary

The article emphasizes overcoming common psychological barriers to achieve goals by reframing one's perspective on fear, self-doubt, and motivation.

Abstract

The text argues that the true obstacles to reaching one's goals are not external factors like fear or procrastination but rather a deeper, subconscious belief that one must be free of these feelings to succeed. It suggests that acknowledging and accepting these emotions as normal and okay is key to moving forward. The author illustrates this through a seminar anecdote where a woman's nervousness is reframed not as a hindrance but as a natural part of the human experience. The article promotes the idea of exposure therapy, where facing fears repeatedly diminishes their power. It also challenges the notion of waiting for motivation, advocating instead for consistent action regardless of one's emotional state, drawing parallels to the dedication parents exhibit for their children. The ultimate message is that successful people are not immune to fear or doubt but have learned to coexist with these feelings while doing the necessary work.

Opinions

Fear, self-doubt, and lack of motivation are not the real reasons for failing to reach goals; the true issue lies in the belief that these feelings are abnormal or barriers to success.
Nervousness and fear are normal and do not disqualify a person from putting themselves out there or succeeding.
Trying to think one's way out of nervousness can be counterproductive; acceptance of doubt and attempting the task anyway is more effective.
Failure and rejection are inevitable and should not be feared or avoided; they are part of the process of success.
Consistent action, regardless of fluctuating motivation levels, is crucial for meaningful progress.
Successful individuals experience the same emotions as everyone else but have learned to accept and work through them.
Confidence grows over time as one accepts their current emotional state and takes action despite uncertainty or fear.

A Tiny Emotional Reframe That Can Make It Much Easier to Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

The real reasons you haven’t reached your goals yet aren’t the ones you think they are.

You think that you haven’t reached your goals because of fear, self-doubt, procrastination, lack of motivation, and the inability to stay focused for long periods of time.

The real reason you’re struggling is deeper than that.

Have You Ever Thought About Doubt This Way?

“Sorry, I’m really nervous right now.”

I was watching this video from a self-help seminar once and something the speaker said hit me like a ton of bricks.

He brought a woman on stage who was shy and wanted to work on her social skills.

In response to her statement, the speaker said…

“So? What’s wrong with being nervous?”

You could see the gears start turning in her head. The nervousness itself wasn’t the problem. There’s no law of the universe that says you have to be free of nerves to put yourself out there.

She subconsciously had that rule running in the back of her mind for her entire life saying that nervousness means something is wrong with her.

She thought there was something wrong with her for feeling a totally normal human emotion.

If you want to change your life, you’re going to have to start by doing it as the current version of yourself — full of fear, self-doubt, and not quite sure if you have what it takes to succeed, while knowing that’s totally ok.

Mastering the Tricky Beast of Self-Doubt

Have you ever tried to think your way out of being nervous and…it just makes you even more nervous?

Instead, just accept up front that you’re unsure and try anyway.

I’ve had many moments of doubt where I still did the thing anyway. Also, it didn’t just work out well every single time just because I faced my fears.

Sometimes I faced my fears and fell flat on my face. It didn’t feel good. There will be times when the outcome was as bad as you expected it to be and it will hurt. So stop trying to pretend like there’s a path to success where you can avoid that.

You will make a fool of yourself. You have to.

Embarrassment is this sonic burst of negativity that shoots through your entire body. But it happens very quickly and dissipates. It’s not the feeling of rejection or embarrassment that feels all that bad. It’s the anticipation of it — the trying to brace yourself for it.

The more often you throw yourself into a situation while feeling doubt, the less you try to brace yourself for it. That’s exposure therapy in a nutshell. Eventually, you can reach an important truth.

I saw this video from the late great Kobe Bryant that explains this well:

“Doubt is such a strange thing. There will be times when you succeed and times when you fail. So, wasting time doubting whether you’re going to be successful or not is pointless.”

Once you get in the habit of putting up a bunch of shots you come to realize that some go in, some don’t, and that there’s nothing more to it.

Stop Trying to Feel Motivated

If you only do the work when you feel like it, you’ll never make any meaningful progress.

You’re waiting for this burst of superhuman motivation that ain’t coming. Instead, just do what you can right now with what you have, just the way you are. And understand that you don’t need to feel motivated to get things done.

You already know how to do this. You might not feel like going to work all the time, but you do it because you have to. For you parents out there, there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for your children, doesn’t matter how damn tired you are.

You can apply the same thinking to get through the dull and tedious aspects of building out a dream. I don’t always feel motivated, but I just get it in my head that my motivation level is irrelevant. I have things I need to do to keep my business running so I do them. End of story.

You’re Okay

Me telling you all of this won’t automatically cause you to disregard your feelings and take action. No one can do that but you and there’s no solid answer other than you just have to do it.

But I will say this…

You can do it.

You do it by understanding there’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling normal human emotions. You think that people who succeed are different than you. They’re not. They hear the same exact voice of self-doubt. They feel fear. Sometimes they’re not all that motivated.

They’ve just accepted that these feelings are par for the course. Instead of wishing they felt differently, they just let those emotions run through them while they did the work.

You’re afraid? That’s fine. That’s great, even, because it means you’re doing something important. You should be afraid. Accept it. Turn that fear into a signal of excitement and stop trying to get rid of it.

You feel doubt? You should feel doubt because you don’t have it all figured out yet. Why wouldn’t you be unsure of something you haven’t fully tried? It’s fine.

After you accept where you’re at, how you feel, and what needs to be done, you will move forward and grow more confident over time. The voice quiets. I don’t have doubts about my writing skills because I’ve been doing it for eight years.

Put in the time. The clock starts now. Wishing you the best of luck.

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