A Tale of Spiders, Cameras and Fear

How I overcame my fear of spiders through photography and why you should too!

The Early Days, Before the Fear

I don’t remember when I started to fear spiders exactly, but it must have been sometime in my adolescence. When I was a kid, I got pissed off at sharing a room with my brother and I moved into our little unused shed/barn thing. I chose the side that used to house the chickens instead of the goats because it had those nifty egg-laying boxes where I could store my clothes. It was the home of a big black widow spider and in my childish sense of justice, I thought it would be unfair to kick her out of her home since she was there first. First dibs was a big thing when I was a kid, just about anything could be owned just by being there first.

We lived together just fine all summer. She stayed in her corner, I stayed in the rest of the room and I fell asleep just fine knowing she was over there.

The Fear Sets In

My relationship with spiders went downhill after that. We got a new house with enough bedrooms that I didn’t have to share with my brother so I moved back in with the humans. Shortly thereafter, I began to fear spiders with a heart-pounding fervor that had me screaming at any hour of the day or night. My mother would come running to find me in a corner pointing at a tiny spider yelling “KILL IT!” at the top of my lungs. My mother, being a lover of the living, refused to do so but would trap them under glasses and gently place them outside.

This went on for years, even when I moved out on my own, the mere sight of a spider would start my heart pounding and my whole body sweating.

Sometimes when I lived in Japan I would have to avoid whole streets because when I looked up, there were huge spiders hanging overhead.

It was annoying to get these adrenaline jolts, and I felt silly being a grown woman who couldn’t even get near enough to a spider to trap it under a glass but I had no desire to overcome my fear. I was definitely in the flight camp on the fight or flight instinct.

Then I decided to take my family to Bali to escape the August heat in Tokyo. I rented a beautiful little house in the rice paddies and proceeded to unpack our bags. My eight-year-old daughter wandered in and said, “Look at that spider!!” My heart jolted and I looked around the room but didn’t see anything. She was pointing out the window to a tree that was a good 50 feet away and sure enough, there in the top of the tree was a spider the size of a kitten!! I can only imagine it must eat birds or something, it was huge!!!! Luckily it didn’t seem particularly interested in moving so I kept my eye on it but slowly began to relax, it was in a tree outside after all.

I liked to get up really early, just as the sun was beginning to rise and since the rest of my family was asleep, I grabbed my camera and explored the garden every morning. At first, I chased dragonflies around but slowly I became conscious of the spiders, they were everywhere.

They were threatening to destroy large parts of my day.

Photographic Cure

The garden was quiet though and the sun was highlighting things that were usually hidden, namely the spider webs.

I began to just sit and look at them, they were beautiful and the spiders were working so hard. They were paying no attention to me, they had better things to do. Every morning I watched them work and I began to admire them. They create beauty, they are an important part of the ecosystem, they mean me no harm. I forced myself to relax and enjoy the experience.

After a whole month of this, I am no longer afraid of spiders. This has enabled me to feel comfortable buying a house in the Spanish countryside, one with lots of spiders. I am able to encourage them to live outside instead of inside without panicking and I am able to live in my house in peace.

Why Should You Want to Overcome Your Fear of Spiders?

So, if you are afraid of spiders, why should you combat this? Well, in spite of their unattractive appearance (to me at least), spiders are great examples of how to live life. They get up early and start to work creating their webs which in my eyes, are works of art. They are patient, sitting all day, waiting to reap the rewards of their morning toil. They don’t expect instant gratification. They are not daunted when someone like me bumbles carelessly through their webs, no, they just get to work building a new one. What use is it to sit around crying over a destroyed web, that just wastes time and there are flies to catch.

Aside from being able to appreciate the many admirable qualities of a spider, after you overcome your fear, you can enjoy your life more. Granted those little hits of fear when you see a spider are not usually the center of your existence, but wouldn’t it be nice not to have them? I can now capture and release a spider for my own daughter, just like my mother did for me. I feel so grown up and accomplished!