A Table in the Park Held a Jar of Regrets

I’ve lived a life without regret

Table set up in Toronto Park — Darren Weir

I try to live my life without regret. It comes from always trying to live my best life. It isn’t always perfect and I am far from that. But every moment of my life, the good and the bad has taught me lessons and is what got me to where I am today. Which is a very contented place.

There are things I wish I had done differently so I didn’t have to learn every lesson the hard way. Sometimes it was the words that were unspoken.

But there are no regrets.

As I was out on one of my long walks recently I spotted a small table set up along a path in a popular Toronto park. As I got closer I saw a bright yellow sign and a few other things on top of the table but I couldn’t make out what it was until I got closer.

At first, I thought it was a lemonade stand. A welcome relief on this hot summer day. No, there was no quenching my thirst here. Instead, it was set up to quench the soul.

The handwritten sign on the table simply asked, “What’s something you wish you have(sic) said?”

I’m sure I’m not alone when my mind started racing, thinking of those moments when the words wouldn’t come to me. There were pens with colorful pompoms and multi-colored sticky notes next to a jar that contained a few folded notes inside.

There was a small sign saying, “I’ll make an e-book of the notes I collect,” and then there was a link to the person’s Instagram account. I followed the link where I found hundreds of notes posted with a wide variety of questions and comments.

What are you waiting for?

My cousin sexually assaulted me but I don’t want to hurt my dad.

When is the right time to retire? Will I know?

How do I stay positive when everything is going south? What does the future hold?

Is love a real thing or just something people pretend to feel?

Am I enough for them?

Why am I so unlovable?

Am I too bad not to have friends in my life?

I cheat on my husband and I’m very sorry.

There were also some words that were meant for someone else.

Fuck you. You never deserved me.

I like you a lot and want to be exclusive.

I should have seen you more.

I want you back.

I wish I had said yes to playing cards with my grandpa before he lost his eyesight.

I wish you asked me to come with you.

I wish I got to tell you how much I loved you.

What I thought was going to be a fun read became painful at times. There was so much raw emotion in each word that I found myself choking up at some of the comments.

Sometimes people need a place to vent in order to share their feelings. A place that feels safe and anonymous.

Everybody hurts. Even the strongest among us or those who give their heart freely to make others feel better have their bad days. Sometimes the people who smile the most are hurting more than anyone knows.

For me, the words that were never spoken were words I needed to defend myself. Because of my lack of confidence, I sometimes allowed people to walk all over me. I would give them a pass because I thought I needed their friendship, their love, or the job.

I now realize I should have expressed myself better. Friends who would take offense were probably not true friends anyway, and there would always be another job, especially if I was willing to stand up for myself.

Those missed opportunities to speak up gave me the words to use the next time and the courage to voice them when I needed to. Regret is just a lesson we need to learn.

When I was growing up, I didn’t like being told what to do. I didn’t like hearing the lessons someone older would share. I would think, “Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you know it all.” Ah, the arrogance of youth.

I now realize that with age comes wisdom. I’ve learned a lot over my sixty-plus years and I want to share those things with others so they don’t make the same mistakes. But it doesn’t always work out that way.

Sometimes people have to walk on hot coals themselves to understand the right way to do it… so they don’t get burned.

“Life can only be understood by looking backward, but it must be lived looking forward.” — Soren Kierkegaard

And have no regrets.

Thank you for reading. What about you? Do you have regrets?