A Strange Distancing Phenomenon

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Abstract

look like Eva Green. But who does?Things were fine once I finally came out and started transitioning, but once the awkward second puberty phase was over and I was passing 100% of the time she started getting more and more distant and now she entirely ignores my texts. As she’s often had depression issues I did look her up under her chosen name on Facebook to see if she was still… kicking, as it were, and she appears to be, and coming out more publicly trying wigs. We still have some mutual friends, people she wasn’t nearly as close with as she was with me. So what was it that caused her to stop contacting me, but not them? She won’t answer, so I obviously can’t be sure, but I can guess.Especially as the more and more I passed the more and more my ex distanced herself from me as well. We broke up before she came out, but she at one point told me how she never felt comfortable around gender things and it seemed unfair that, once I came out, I

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took to being a man “like a duck to water.” That statement seemed weighted, so I remembered it clearly.She moved, left me (in that order) and then came out. We still send each other red panda photos every now and then, but otherwise don’t really interact. I suspect she’s struggled with her transition a lot more than I did, and she would know, as she was with me through it and saw, as she said, how easily it went for me (comparatively, mind you, as we all know nothing about being trans is easy).To be very clear, no one owes anyone being able to pass or anything like that, but I know it’s important to me, and it’s important to a lot of others to just be able to more or less get on with your life the way you should have been able to, if there hadn’t been an accident of birth. So I’m curious if anyone else has had similar experiences where people pull away when/if you start passing and they aren’t able to (yet/possibly ever)?</article></body>

Passing envy? Or something else?

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I have noticed a strange phenomenon since coming out. Specifically with friends who ended up identifying as trans-feminine. It’s a phenomenon that has cost me relationships: one friendship and one romantic. So I suppose I’m tossing it out there to see if this is something else others have experienced.

I had a close friendship for many years with someone who lived out of state. She was fairly open with me about being trans, but was afraid to do anything about it because she was sure she wouldn’t be pretty enough to live up to her own personal standards. As that’s her own personal journey, I didn’t give her any platitudes. The fact was that she was probably right: she’d never look like Eva Green. But who does?

Things were fine once I finally came out and started transitioning, but once the awkward second puberty phase was over and I was passing 100% of the time she started getting more and more distant and now she entirely ignores my texts. As she’s often had depression issues I did look her up under her chosen name on Facebook to see if she was still… kicking, as it were, and she appears to be, and coming out more publicly trying wigs. We still have some mutual friends, people she wasn’t nearly as close with as she was with me. So what was it that caused her to stop contacting me, but not them? She won’t answer, so I obviously can’t be sure, but I can guess.

Especially as the more and more I passed the more and more my ex distanced herself from me as well. We broke up before she came out, but she at one point told me how she never felt comfortable around gender things and it seemed unfair that, once I came out, I took to being a man “like a duck to water.” That statement seemed weighted, so I remembered it clearly.

She moved, left me (in that order) and then came out. We still send each other red panda photos every now and then, but otherwise don’t really interact. I suspect she’s struggled with her transition a lot more than I did, and she would know, as she was with me through it and saw, as she said, how easily it went for me (comparatively, mind you, as we all know nothing about being trans is easy).

To be very clear, no one owes anyone being able to pass or anything like that, but I know it’s important to me, and it’s important to a lot of others to just be able to more or less get on with your life the way you should have been able to, if there hadn’t been an accident of birth. So I’m curious if anyone else has had similar experiences where people pull away when/if you start passing and they aren’t able to (yet/possibly ever)?