A Story That Pains Me To Tell

It’s Breast Cancer and Depression Awareness Month

Not all stories have happy endings. But they usually always have lessons.

Julia A. Kearns invites us to tell our stories for both Breast Cancer and Depression Awareness Month.

My good friend and coworker was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer at the young age of 38 or 39.

She shared her diagnosis with our work team and let us know that she wanted to work as long as she could to make as much money as possible to help support her family. She was a caring, loving, smart, and fun wife to her husband of many years and mother to her 3 young children.

Selfishly, I write this story to release the anger and pain I feel surrounding the situation at my workplace at the time. Our director seemed to have little heart about the matter. With a catastrophic mindset, she told me quite frankly that my friend would die quickly.

In her defense, we did work in healthcare and medicine and my director was a registered nurse, but I still think more sensitivity would’ve been appropriate in this conversation.

Weeks later as my friend realized that her time on Earth could be limited, she inquired with our director about her schedule. She requested to get off early two days a week or to work an earlier shift to complete her 8 hours. She wanted to be able to make it to watch her daughters during their afterschool dance practices.

Neither she nor I thought it was an unreasonable request as we were in non-patient care positions with administrative duties that could be done any time of the day.

Our director declined her request.

What kind of person declines a cancer-battling mother’s request to get off early a few days to watch her daughters dance?

I was angry, angrier than my friend.

My friend died just a short couple years later.

Before she died, she taught me that life is just life and that we should be grateful for any amount of time we are given to live. She taught me that family comes first in every situation until the day you die. She taught me that thinking positively is the best mindset.

I have no experience with or education in treating others dealing with depression, but I feel like 2 things have helped me avoid deeper sadness in this situation.

Firstly, I always go back to the lessons that my friend taught me. I try to choose positivity and happiness over dwelling on the parts that make me sad.

Secondly, I write. I write gratitude affirmations, and now I’m writing this story. I want to release all negative feelings surrounding my time in that workplace once and for all.

I am grateful to have known my friend for the years that I did. I am grateful that she had a big, close-knit family with a lot of cousins and aunties and uncles to care for her children. I am grateful that I had the privilege of being around her in her final months and days and to have been a recipient of her loving insights about life.

Lastly, I am grateful to Julia A. Keirns for creating this prompt because she is bringing awareness to both breast cancer prevention and mental health.

Readers, please remember to follow your physician’s guidance about breast checks and mammograms. Practice self-care and seek help if you are feeling sad or depressed. Check in on your friends and family.

Thank you for spending your time reading my story. I am grateful for your interest. Wishing you the best day ever.

This story was written in response to prompt #26 by Julia A. Keirns — here is the article by Nancy Oglesby…