A Story About Rainbows and Unicorns

Gosh, they’re both so pretty, aren’t they?

Today, I made a big decision. Huge, in fact. Are you wondering what that is? Well then, I’ll tell you!

I’ve decided not to write about anything of importance. Important to me, anyway. Because, on so many occasions, when I’ve spoken my mind, I’ve been pushed deep into the shit. Like the story, I recently published in The Top Shelf. But we won’t go there, because nobody else did, and I could feel the virtual chill creeping over my body, here in Chicagoland.

Uh-uh. No way, Jose. (Oops. That wasn’t very PC, was it?) Shit.

I learned my lesson, by God, and since this is one of my two meager sources of income, I refuse to rock the “big money” boat.

So instead, I’m here to talk about rainbows and Unicorns, as my title lays out in a clear and nonthreatening fashion.

We’ll begin with the beautiful rainbow. Did you know that when you see one of these multi-hued “sky ribbons” that it’s really an optical illusion? Yes! According to Popular Science, rainbows can only be seen if you’re in the right place at the right time. Kind of like catching two people getting busy in a Wendy’s bathroom.

Oops. That wasn’t very PC either, was it?

So anyway, the optical illusion is created by the refraction and reflection of light.

Specifically, when sunlight passes through raindrops, the light bends, or refracts, as it enters the droplet, and then reflects off the inside of the raindrop, because water is denser than air.

As it turns out, the light we can actually see is made up of various wavelengths, and each wavelength bends in its own way so that different colors occur, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet.

Isn’t science amazing?! So Violet bends at a different angle than yellow! Who knew?

If YOU would like to see a rainbow, the best time is when it’s sunny and raining. But be sure to have an umbrella with you, as you don’t want to get wet! Or, if you’re like me, maybe you do! ;-)

Oh, shit. That definitely wasn’t very PC.

If you’re going rainbow hunting, just know you’ll have a better chance when the sun is low, early or later in the day.

And forget about leprechauns and their pots of gold. They don’t exist! Which brings me to the other subject of this piece: Unicorns.

You probably already know that a Unicorn looks like a horse, with a horn in the middle of its head! How weird is that? The horn isn’t straight though, rather, it’s kind of spiral-ly, like some men’s…

Damn. I’ve done it again! SO not PC!

According to Brittanica.Com, those who drank from the Unicorn’s horn were supposed to be cured of whatever ailed them. I wonder what the heck was in those horns? Some kind of fancy Unicorn liquor, maybe.

I’d like to try some. Wouldn’t you??

Here’s something else you might find interesting: Did you know that in business, a “Unicorn,” is a startup that’s worth over one billion dollars?

Yep. I just found that out.

So, anyway, the Unicorn is referenced in the Bible, and…

You know what? I’m boring the living shit out of myself so I think I’ll bounce. But, before I go:

HANG ANDREW CUOMO BY HIS TEENY, TINY BALLS!

There. That better?

© Sherry McGuinn, 2021. All Rights Reserved.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

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